Last year, Jodie Sweetin — aka Stephanie Tanner from “Full House” — publicly admitted that she had an awesome addiction to every kind of drug on the planet, then she went on “Good Morning America” and made a tour of college campuses talking about how great it was to beat addiction. Now she’s coming out with a new book in which she admits to doing drugs the entire time she was talking about being clean. I suppose it’s wrong that I find that an attractive feature, huh?
Us Magazine has a full breakdown of her awesomely deviant behavior. It starts with binge drinking at age 14 and moves on to snorting meth at a film premiere and driving drunk with her nine-month-old daughter in the car. Wheee! Let’s take a closer look:
It seems like it was only just yesterday that we learned “Big Brother” winner Adam Jasinski got busted for trying to sell 2000 oxycodone pills to a government witness. Well, in case you needed proof that scripted television is better than its reality-based counterpart, former “Smallville” actor Sam Jones was arrested for his part in a conspiracy to deal more than 10,000 oxycodone pills. In your face, Jasinski.
TMZ has learned Sam Jones, who played Clark Kent’s best friend on the show ["Toke Black Guy"], was taken into custody by DEA agents who claim Jones was a “co-conspirator” in a series of major drug deals in 2008.
According to documents filed in federal court, the DEA claims Jones was the “Hollywood connection” in a plot to illegally purchase and distribute the oxycodone… If convicted, Jones faces up to 20 years in federal prison.
Dude, who the hell is buying that many pills? Michael Jackson’s already dead.
Every season, the winner of “Big Brother” gets a $500,000 prize. This is a substantial amount of money. You can buy a nice house with that. You can live frugally and not work for a couple years. You can invest it and ensure your children go to the finest private schools. Or you can illegally buy thousands and thousands of oxycodone pills and attempt to sell them on the street.
Try to guess which of those options “Big Brother 9″ winner Adam Jasinski chose.
Federal prosecutors said Jasinski was arrested Saturday after he flew to Boston and showed the witness a sock containing two plastic bags filled with [2000 pills of] oxycodone, a powerful painkiller that is a popular street drug because of its euphoric effects.
As agents tried to arrest Jasinski at a strip mall in North Reading, he struggled and threw the sock under a car parked nearby. [AP]
Jasinski faces up to 20 years in prison and a $1 million fine. But he’ll be okay. He can make a nice down payment on that fine, and I’m sure the confinement of “Big Brother” offered many lessons that are useful in federal prison. I’m assuming, of course, that he had to shiv several of his castmates to win. I never actually watched the show.
“Honey, are you packed for the weekend yet?” “Just need to get my toothbrush!”
Marijuana Inc: Inside America’s Pot Industry (CNBC) — Duuuuuude, did you know Thomas Jefferson was a total pothead? He grew that stuff on Monticello. Just got high and nailed slave chicks, man.
Meth: A County in Crisis (Bio) — An examination of crsytal meth abuse in Missouri. I’ll keep an eye out for your mom.
Meth in the City (Bio) — Crap, I didn’t realize it was “Meth Monday” on Bio. I’ll have to stock up and get my paring knife ready. It’s best suited for getting the bugs out from under my skin.
Top Gear (BBC America) — It’s the premiere of the show’s seventh season. “Top Gear” is the rarest of TV series about cars in that it can actually be entertaining for people with frontal lobes.
Make it or Break It (ABC Family) — I’m sorry, but I’m not tuning in unless somebody promises me some tumble-fighting.
Dating in the Dark (ABC) — The contestants try to learn about their potential mates by going through their cars. You didn’t look in the trunk, did you? Oh. I’ll have you know those chains and tie-downs came standard with that model.
Woodstock: Now and Then (History) — Then: a defining moment in the counter-culture movement expressed through rock and roll music. Now: shut up, hippie.
Mischa Barton — the “O.C.” alumna who will star in the CW’s “The Beautiful Life” this fall — was taken to the hospital last week amid a swirl of rumors about her health and sanity. And it doesn’t look like those rumors will stop any time soon, because the New York Post has the awesomest story about a three-day coke binge and a life falling apart that you’ll read today.
Barton was so high on coke following a marathon three-day bender that friends called cops afraid she would kill herself, sources have told The Post.
Barton, 23, was taken away from her LA home by police and placed under an involuntary psychiatric hold on Wednesday. The party-loving former “O.C” star was due to fly to New York for the premiere of her movie “Homecoming,” which has been slammed by critics.
A source close to Barton said, “She’s in very bad shape. She’s running out of money and can’t find love, so now she is looking for a good time to escape her misery. She is on a downward spiral. She is a mess. She is a suicidal, uninsurable mess.”
Photographed Tuesday at an LA hotel, the once-skinny Barton [note: not a recent picture] looked bloated and almost unrecognizable. A guest at the hotel said Barton seemed to be stumbling around poolside and at one point was topless…
Her publicist, Craig Schneider, released a statement yesterday confirming that the actress remains in the hospital under doctor’s orders. Under Section 5150 of the California Welfare and Institutions Code, authorities can hold a person for up to 72 hours if they present a danger to themselves or others.
Meanwhile, a rep for Barton told OK Magazine that the allegations of a three-day coke bender were “preposterous.” And I’m just going to go ahead and assume that “preposterous” has a secondary definition that means “entirely believable.” Whatever the case is, one thing’s for certain: “The Beautiful Life” is going to be a fabulous disaster. Which is saying a lot. It’s not easy for a show on the CW to stand out for sucking.
A Vancouver woman was arrested at the U.S.-Canadian border when she tried to smuggle two 30-pound bags of ecstasy into the United States. The pills were all in the shape of either Homer Simpson’s head or the Decepticons’ logo.
Krysta Edwards’ vehicle was searched at the Pacific Highway border crossing on June 26, where authorities say they seized 107,734 tablets of ecstasy.
The pills, which were in the shape of popular cartoon characters from Transformers and The Simpsons, weighed approximately 60 pounds, and were found in a hidden compartment in the cargo area. [CTV BC]
You know what Transformers drugs mean? It means this conversation happened:
Michael Bay: I want you to go to Canada and pick up something that will BLOW UP MY MIND.
Assistant: Uh, you mean blow your mind?
Michael Bay: No, I mean EXPLODE my mind!
Assistant: You mean expand your mind?
Michael Bay: Goddammit! Get me some more drugs shaped like Transformers! I’m out of Optimus Primo weed! **makes exploding sound**
Whoa, did I just make a Michael Bay joke instead of a Simpsons reference? Better rectify that: “Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.”
