Yup, that’s Dustin Diamond circa the mid-1980s, representing He-Man the way I used to rock my Return of the Jedi speeder bike t-shirt. Notice, if you will, his empty gaze, the awkward guise of repose, the dreamlike quality that comes from the soft focus — it seems to be the image of a youth he never had. It’s as if the role of Screech had doomed him to a life of bad facial hair and bankruptcy before he ever accepted it, a cosmic reverberation through time not unlike the Overlords of Clarke’s Childhood’s End.

Nah, I don’t mean any of that. But I had a long conversation with an art history major last night, and I feel like that’s what he would have said about this. If I hadn’t pushed him into traffic.

(thanks, Pauly) UPDATE: See more of Dustin’s evolution here.

Dustin Diamond, the actor who played Screech on “Saved by the Bell” before attaining such lofty heights as banruptcy (2001) and a sex tape (2006), is coming out with a new tell-all book, Behind the Bell, that provides shocking revelations about the iconic ’90s teen series. Shocking revelations like… marijuana use!

I could smell a certain ‘smoke,’ wafting from from the crack” underneath his castmates’ dressing rooms, says Diamond, 32.

He also alleges costarMark Paul Gosselaar — who played popular Zack Morris — used steroids before production started on 1994′s short-lived Saved by the Bell: The College Years.

“He suddenly exploded with manliness [that's what SHE said - Ed.], loading 25 pounds of muscle on his once-scrawny frame in, oh, about a month,” says Diamond, who is not in touch with any of his costars. (Gosselaar, 35, has dismissed his costar’s so-called revelations to Us: “We weren’t in rehab and Mr. Belding wasn’t my crack dealer.”)

Diamond… goes on to say his costars hooked up off-camera. “If Kelly [Tiffani Thiessen] was interested in Slater [Mario Lopez] one week, then backstage there was a lot going between them in Mario [Lopez]‘s room,” he tells the new Us Weekly. “Then, if Jessie [Elizabeth Berkley] kisses Zack, then you know Elizabeth Berkley is going in Mark-Paul’s room.” [Us Weekly]

So there you go. Some young people in Hollywood did drugs and had sex, alleges broke failure. Stop the presses. No, seriously, stop the presses. Don’t print any more copies of this book, no one wants it.

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It’s a bad time to be an unwanted, out-of-work actor, both Dustin Diamond and Isaiah Washington can attest.  Diamond, who played Screech on “Saved by the Bell” before moving on to nothing at all, is being sued his Wisconsin electric company for nonpayment of over $2000 in bills.

Washington, the actor who left “Grey’s Anatomy” in disgrace after calling co-star T.R. Knight a homophobic slur, is allegedly five months ($100,000) behind on rent.

Washington, his wife and kids are still in the house. But the eviction process has begun. Legal papers were filed today. We’re told Washington is probably going to move out shortly anyway … but there’s this thing about the $100,000 …

The crazy thing about Washington is that he can be a deadbeat homophobe and still be more likable than 90% of the cast that’s still on “Grey’s.”  As for Diamond, I just wish he’d hurry up with those fries.  I ordered the deluxe, jerkoff!