Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were paid almost $18 million to get married. $15M for E! to televise it, $2.5M for exclusive photo rights to People Magazine, $300K for exclusive engagement announcement to People, $100K for bridal shower to OK!, and $50K for the bachelorette party in Las Vegas. Then you figure in the freebies: $400K of Perrier Jouet Champagne, three $20K Vera Wang gowns, a $15K wedding cake, $10K in lavish invitations, and more — all free. After 72 days of marriage, Kim filed for divorce.

As people with working cerebral cortices rightfully called out Kim’s marriage for being a money-making sham, E! and the Kardashian Kompany went into defense mode: E! released a statement denying any such claim as “completely false” — while at the same time adding re-runs of the wedding to its schedule. Mom Kris Kardashian took a break from hawking her new book to defend Kim, telling baldfaced lies across multiple channels that Kim made no money off the wedding. And Kim herself went on to her blog to say what a starry-eyed romantic she is:

Read the rest of this entry »

Comedian Rob Delaney (who you might recognize from the “MA Men” spoof of “Mad Men”) is awesomely suing Kim Kardashian (as well as E! Entertainment, Ryan Seacrest, and Comcast) for ditching her marriage after making millions of dollars off of her wedding. Delaney laid out a compelling argument in his Vice column:

I’ve been married for five years. To the same woman. I’ve wanted to divorce her at times. She’s wanted to divorce me at times. But one great thing about marriage, when it’s entered by regular folks, in good faith, is that it’s hard to exit. It costs money. You have to talk to lawyers during business hours except whoops—you have a job that you need to earn money to buy food and pants—so when are you going to both take the time to do that? By the time you’d have gotten around to it, you’ve forgiven each other and maybe even reached a new appreciation for each other as you worked through whatever seemingly insurmountable problem made you hate each other for 20 minutes while you sat in your shitty car outside a CVS yelling at each other and crying.

There’s a lot more to it than that, but the paragraphs are long and I can only cherry-pick bits and pieces due to my crippling AD/HD. You should read the whole thing (and no, he’s not kidding).

Listen, it’s blatantly obvious that the wedding was a sham publicity stunt orchestrated so the Kardashian “brand” (ugh) could generate more revenue, and this handy little divorce is a big middle finger to common married folk who actually work hard to share their lives together. Kim Kardashian is the 1%, and Rob Delaney’s lawsuit is the Occupy Wall Street movement (minus the hippies).

E! True Hollywood Story: Snooki (E!) — There are no words to properly thank whoever made this GIF. Still punchin’ after all these years.

Biography Remembers (BIO) — A tribute to Amy Winehouse. Biography must have had this thing cued up for years.

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox) — Lady Gaga and director Rob Marshall (Chicago) sit in on the judges’ panel.

Meat America (History) — Chef Jamie Stachowksi chronicles America’s love affair with meat. I inherently trust any chef with “chow” in his last name. Unless he’s Chinese. If I learned anything from the Korean War, it’s to not trust the Chinese.

Soccer (ESPN2) — MLS All-Stars versus Manchester United. I like soccer and I won’t be watching.

Franklin & Bash (TNT) — James Van Der Beek guests stars. Damn, Dawson and Zack Morris on the same show in 2011. Those guys really know how to weather a drought.

Deadliest Warrior (Spike) — Joan of Arc versus William the Conqueror. You gotta be kidding me. The guy has “the Conqueror” IN HIS NAME.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Connie Britton on Letterman; Chris Tucker on Leno (timely!); Olivia Wilde (rawr!) on Kimmel; Neil Patrick Harris and They Might Be Giants on Fallon; Rachel Weisz on “The Daily Show”; and Kevin Connolly and Jeff Lewis on Conan. Damn, Conan landed two of the top five from my list of the twenty most punchable face on TV.

Is that... Is that real?

Below is a preview of the sixth season of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” Six seasons, man. SIX! Remember when Kim was the only famous Kardashian and she wasn’t even on the show? Remember when we were all sad about what became of Olympic hero Bruce Jenner? Remember when Khloé Kardashian wasn’t famous? Such halcyon days. Bygone days.

Anyway, watch as the Kardashians go to Bora Bora, the mom (Kris, right?) contemplates changing her name back to Kardashian from Jenner, and Kris Humpries mulls over his proposal to Kim (on camera, of course). Side note of Warming Glow wisdom: Ladies, don’t marry a man who has your mom’s name. *the more you know*

Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s the first little tease of E!’s next invaluable addition to the reality TV canon, “Ice Loves Coco” (previously written about here). In it, Ice-T details his first meeting with Coco, when she — surprise — worked as a model in one of his videos.

Ice: I said, “Would you ever consider dating a gangsta rapper?”
Coco: I said, “Well, if he’s nice…”
Ice: And then the pimp gods from heaven sent me the line, “If you take the N off ‘nice’ you get ice, baby.”

Impressive. You can really see the limitless rhyming skills that made him a multi-platinum rapper. Although I would have respected Coco a lot more if she responded to that line with “No thanks, I’d rather be a New Jack hustler. H-U-S-T-L-E-R HUSSLA!”