I couldn’t find high-res pictures of Christina Hendricks at the Emmys when I was doing my photo gallery this morning, and so I figured, “That’s okay, I’ll do one later today.” But then I did a couple more posts about the Emmys and I got tired of it really quickly, and WWTDD put up a gallery of Christina, so I figured “what’s the point?”

I’ll tell you the point. The point is TITS, ladies and gentlemen. This blog has certain foundations, certain bedrock principles it will always uphold — and one of those cornerstones is magnificent bounty of Christina Hendricks’s rack (the others are cats playing musical instruments and dogs in sunglasses). This gallery had to be done. For the historical record. For my personal pride. For my throbbing boner.

SIDE NOTE: this may be the closest I get to writing about “Mad Men” today, so please feel free to write your thoughts about last night’s episode in the comments. I, for one, think that every office should have a riding lawnmower.

Here’s Neil Patrick Harris as Dr. Horrible in a skit from last night’s Emmy Awards. (In case this is your first time on the Internet, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog was a web series written by Joss Whedon starring NPH as a wannabe supervillain.) I suppose the skit’s good, but it feels a little disingenuous. Dr. Horrible, after all, only exists because of the writers’ strike. It was born on the Web because of TV’s failure. So to use the character to poke fun of the Internet and pander to a TV audience is kind of a dick move.

Anyway, I’m probably overthinking this. I don’t actually care. It’s not like I have some kind of emotional connection to characters on the Internet. And I certainly don’t have a Second Life avatar that’s married to Christina Hendricks and owns a keyboard-playing cat, so if that’s what you’re thinking, you’re definitely wrong, because no matter how sexy that might be, it would be a huge waste of my time. I’m far too busy for that. **takes off virtual pants**

If I wore a dress that made my hips look like an ocean freighter, I’d disguise myself with a fake mustache, too.

(banner image via Buzzfeed)

Hey buddy, you mind? I’m tryin’ to watch something that matters.

The Emmys were last night, and unless you’ve got an iron will and the patience of Job, it’s unlikely you watched the entire telecast.

So here’s the entire night: “30 Rock” and “Mad Men” won for best comedy and drama, respectively; the pleasant surprises were Kristen Chenoweth for supporting actress in “Pushing Daisies” and Michael Emerson for supporting actor in “Lost”; and the most unpleasant surprises were Jon Cryer winning  best supporting actor in a comedy for “Two and a Half Men” and the criminal snub of “Generation Kill” for best miniseries, which went to “Little Dorritt.” There you go. That’s everything that’s worth talking about if you want to pretend that the Emmys have half the import of the Oscars.

More importantly, following a night where all of my TV crushes were assembled in one place, I’d like to petition the government to make Blake Lively’s breasts a national monument of some sort. I know I’ve said this before, but they are SPECTACULAR. And I don’t mean that in any kind of chauvinist or demeaning way: they’re just a natural beauty crafted by God, like Devil’s Tower or the Badlands or the falls at Yosemite. You should be able to pay $15 to elbow some German tourists out of the way and get a good look at them. I wanna go camping there.

(live blog here, more on the winners here, excellent column on the awards here)

Hey, remember that slow, plodding, sickeningly sweet music you hated 10-15 years ago? You can watch it LIVE on the Emmys this weekend!

For the first time since 2004, the Emmy Awards will feature a live band as part of the telecast.

In addition, multi-platinum, Grammy Award-winning singer/songwriter Sarah McLachlan will perform live during the “In Memoriam” segment of the broadcast.

It’s appropriate that she’s doing the memorial segment. Every time I hear one of her songs I wish I was dead. Or at least buried alive under six feet of earth. Getting brutally murdered. Something along those lines, it doesn’t have to be anything specific.

The Fine Brothers are responsible for this impressive (and funny) video that gives away the endings to 100 different TV shows. I love it. There’s nothing I enjoy more than pissing off the TV dorks who go running from the room with their hands over their ears any time you talk about future plot development. The Fine Bros. say:

We start by spoiling this year’s Emmy nominees for Best Drama and Comedy, and then go on to spoil the biggest series finales in television history……but as always the catch is……we do it all in one take.

I’m impressed by the one-take thing, but they’ve got a pretty loose sense of the word “spoiler.”  Like, they “spoil” the end of Season 2 of “Mad Men” by saying Betty Draper’s pregnant. It’s like, dudes… I saw Betty give birth on Sunday night. And another show they spoil: “WKRP in Cincinnati.” DAMN YOU, FINE BROTHERS! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO WATCH THE SERIES ON VHS. Man, they just don’t respect people who have carefully avoided “WKRP” news for the last 27 years.