You guys are never going to believe this, but a lot of people who appear on television for a living put on nice clothes to go to the Emmys last night. I’ll let you get to clicking through the pictures in a moment, but here’s a general overlook:

• Before you ask: yes, there are pictures of Christina Hendricks’s mountainous cleavage.
• There will be absolutely no discussion of the cleavage displayed by Ariel Winter (Alex on “Modern Family”). She’s 13. If I’m gonna get arrested for something like that, it’ll be for Chloe Moretz.
• Because I am occasionally not a total chauvinist pervert, I have included pictures of handsome male actors. Props to my lady readers.
• As I log more and more years in the blogging game, I’m less enamored with the “This beautiful actress is ugly” thing that bloggers and commenters like to do. They’re famous actors; I would happily have sex with any of them. Even Melissa McCarthy. Even Peter Dinklage. Even — and this will gross some people out — Gwyneth Paltrow.

All right. Get to clickin’. Those pageviews feed me.

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Now that we’ve all vented about who won and who got shafted in the awards department, let’s take a look at the best and worst parts of last night’s Emmys telecast.

Overall, it wasn’t too miserable to watch, but that may have something to do with me constantly flipping over to Sunday Night Football to get updates on Michael Vick throwing up blood. But Jane Lynch was sharp without going into Gervais “people get offended because he’s mean” territory, and there were enough little pieces I enjoyed before the show grinded to a halt during the awards for miniseries and TV movies. Let’s take a closer look at what did (and didn’t) work.

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The Emmys were last night, and I’m going to have several posts talking about various aspects of the show and which actresses had the best cleavage and whatnot. But first, let’s talk about who won (and didn’t win) the little wingèd statues.

I’ve got a full list of winners below (with my sparkling commentary, of course), but here’s the short version: “Modern Family” is the only sitcom Emmy voters watch; Margo Martindale and Peter Dinklage got awesome wins for “Justified” and “Game of Thrones”; “Mad Men’s” sole Emmy was its fourth straight win for Best Drama; and “Friday Night Lights” finally got some recognition with wins for writing and lead actor (Kyle Chandler).

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The 63rd Primetime Emmy Awards (Fox, Sunday) — Jane Lynch hosts. I suppose, as a TV blogger, I should give more coverage to TV’s most prestigious awards show. On the other hand, I’ll take the Emmys seriously when they give me a reason to take them seriously.

Breaking Bad (AMC, Sunday) — I’ve said this before in other outlets, but even though I watch “Breaking Bad” and appreciate how good it is, I don’t particularly like watching it. For me, it’s like a Cormac McCarthy novel: I can acknowledge its brilliance while not necessarily enjoying its dark, bleak portrayal of humanity.

Sweet Karma (Showtime, Friday) — From the LA Times: “This gritty 2009 Canadian-made crime drama stars model-turned-actress Shera Bechard (inset) as a mute young Russian woman who infiltrates the underground sex trade in Toronto to avenge her sister’s death.” Model? Mute? Sex trade? SOLD! FYI, a cursory Google will reveal that Shera is exceptionally adept at showering.

2011 NCLR ALMA Awards (NBC, Friday) — George Lopez and Eva Longoria co-host this awards show honoring Latino performs. Just give everything to Sofia Vergara.

Karaoke Battle USA (ABC, Friday) — Hosted by Joey Fatone! Carnie Wilson’s on the judges panel! Oh, what did we do to please the television gods?

Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, Friday) — Season premiere. Frankly, I find this just as distasteful and grating as the crap on Fox News, because Maher embodies the haughty condescension the political right always accuses the left of possessing.

Earlier this week, our briefly departed tyrannical leader, Mr. Ufford, posted an article about how bookmakers Paddy Power have given odds on how Charlie Sheen’s character, Charlie Harper, will depart “Two and a Half Men.” Gambling on TV shows, particularly when it involves death, isn’t all that different from putting money on a sports game because you have no idea what the outcome is going to be (“WILL TONY DIE?” ASKS 2007). Unless you work for the show, or know someone who works for the show, or have access to a screener, or…

So it’s completely unlike a sports game, which is why there aren’t many opportunities to do it (with the exception of reality shows—ironically, I hear season two “American Idol” winner Ruben Studdard was last seen hanging outside of an OTB in Fresno). On the following pages are a few examples of bets that you could have placed on scripted series, with a last page bonus of the odds for this year’s Emmys.

Let the neon claws of Gamblor guide you.