We hardly knew you, “Detroit 1-8-7.”

TV.com has put together a death montage of all the shows that went to the Great Reduced Price DVD Section In the Sky in 2011. It’s like the In Memoriam section of the Oscars, except instead of sadly saying, “I totally forgot that person died this year,” you gleefully laugh, “HAHA, remember “The Cape”?” #10episodesandnomovie

Of the approximately 100 (!) series included in the tribute, only nine are even watchable: “Big Love,” “The Closer,” “Free Agents,” “Friday Night Lights,” “Men of a Certain Age,” “Smallville,” “Sports Show with Norm Macdonald,” “Traffic Light,” and “United States of Tara.” If you add “Bored to Death” to the list, which only got the ax last week, that means approximately nine/tenths of TV is pure crap. That actually sounds too generous.

BUT, when we look back at 2011 in a couple of years, let’s not remember it as The Year of the Protest or The Year We Got Osama bin Laden; let’s remember it as The Year “Entourage” and “The Oprah Winfrey Show” Finally Went Off the Air or The Year We Said NO to “How to Be a Gentleman” and “H8R.” U-S-A! U-S-A!

In a story noted legal expert Me is calling “stuffed to the gills with a buttload of LOLs,” a former “Real World” cast member is suing HBO and the creators of “Entourage” for besmirching his good name. In the American system of justice, this is referred to as “the pot calling the kettle a d-bag.” From The Hollywood Reporter:

Reality star John Devenanzio, who says he is popularly known in the entertainment world as “Johnny Bananas,” has gone ahead with threats and sued the producers of the recently completed HBO series, Entourage. The plaintiff is demanding that the network be permanently barred from distributing episodes containing “Johnny Bananas,” which would wipe out the seventh and last season of the show.

This past summer, Devenanzio, who appeared as a cast member on MTV’s The Real World Key West and several other MTV reality shows, had his lawyer fire off a cease-and-desist letter to HBO.

The threats apparently did nothing to scare the network.

So, on Monday, Devenanzio filed a complaint in New York Superior Court against HBO, parent Time Warner, and “Entourage” creator Doug Ellin.

While I support Mr. Bananas’ mission to lock away the final season of “Entourage” in a vault somewhere, his claims seem a little far-fetched. I really only see one way for him to win this lawsuit… that’s right, hire Franklin and Bash. Now just hear me out. This is a case that rests on shaky legal ground and features a reality television star suing the makers of a douchey Hollywood-based television show. The only way this could be more up Franklin and Bash’s alley is if there were a dozen prostitute witnesses and the key piece of evidence was a penis pump. Which, for the record, none of us can rule out at this point. God I miss that show.

In case you missed the “Entourage” series finale, congratulations. The resolution is the same as it was every week: everything worked out great for everyone. (And in case you’re wondering what song played over the final scene, HBO went deep into its pockets to shell out for Led Zeppelin’s “Going to California.”) Here’s how the AV Club summed it up:

• E is back with Sloan.
• Ari is back with his wife about whom I never cared enough to learn her name.
• Vince is with some beautiful and intelligent and SANE woman with a British accent OR SOME ACCENT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TELL WHAT ACCENTS ARE.
• Drama likes da pusssaaaaaayyy.
• Turtle.
• Lloyd is still working as an agent at the company Ari just quit and gave over to Babs via yelling.
• Billy Walsh appeared long enough for me to be like, “Remember the fake penis?”
• Everyone lied to everyone else, and somehow, this qualifies as resolution.

What this scene from Joe Mande presupposes is, “What if these horrible, selfish, two-dimensional characters died in a plane wreck?” I watched this video knowing full well what would happen, but I happily laughed all the same because — for just the briefest of moments — I imagined a world where we wouldn’t have to deal with the inevitable “Entourage” movie. It was beautiful.

September 11, 2011 will be a day of mourning. Not only will we remember those who lost their lives ten years ago in the attacks on the World Trade Center buildings and those aboard United Airlines flights 77 and 93; we must also come to terms with the fact that there will never be another new episode of “Entourage.”

Here’s what the boys are up to, as of last week’s penultimate episode: Sloan told Eric she’s pregnant with his seed, and that she’s moving to New York and doesn’t want anything from him; Ari is dating a studio executive, but he’s still in love with his ex-wife; Johnny is trying to star in a made-for-TV movie; Turtle is hanging out with A-Rod and becomes a millionaire thanks to Avión; and Vince is in love with Vanity Fair reporter Sophia (Alice Eve), and he asks the guys to make a video compilation of all his old girlfriends telling Sophia how wonderful he is, and presumably lie about how big his dick is.

So really, the message of “Entourage” is: VINCE IS GOD, GOD OF SEX.

That’s an opinion more or less stated in the show’s theme song, “Superhero” by Jane’s Addiction, the only group of people more self-obsessed than Vince & Co. It will be played in the final episode of “Entourage,” just as it has the 95 before it—but what about the all-important final scene, when the gang is inevitably on a hill overlooking Los Angeles? The “Don’t Stop Believin’” scene, as it were. On the next page, I’ve listed five songs that “Entourage” could use (no, thank YOU, Doug Ellin), and please list your choices in the comments section.

9/11/2001=Never Forget, Bro

Doug Ellin has heard you. Don’t think he hasn’t. The “Entourage” creator knows you critic-y critics out there are critiquing his show critically, and he has a message for all the haters: “Sorry for being awesome at everything.” From TV Guide:

“The critics, all of a sudden, seem to have turned on us and forgotten that we were actually critically acclaimed in the past,” series creator and executive producer Doug Ellin tells TVGuide.com of the criticism for last year’s dark story lines. “Last season, we had our highest ratings ever, so I kind of ignore the critics.”

“The critics’ reaction to the show doesn’t matter at all. Except for that time they said it was great, which was a very important thing that we should never forget.”

Ellin went on to hypothesize as to why the critics have turned on the show recently:

So why the suddenly cold reception from critics? Ellin says that the show’s transformation from a simple buddy comedy to a complicated tale that saw Vince begin using cocaine and landing in rehab, has thrown many for a loop. “Honestly, I’m very willing to be criticized. I love the show. I think it’s as good as it’s ever been,” Ellin says. “I don’t feel there’s been a lot of shows in the history of television that have mixed up tones as much as we have and I think that throws people. I think that shocks them.”

Excellent point. I mean, just think of all the tones they’ve mixed in: things looking bad but then everything working out in the end, things looking really bad but then everything working out in the end, things looking really really bad but then everything working out in the end, things looking really really really bad but then everything working out in the end, etc. The show is like some sort of Dickensian chameleon.

Look, I don’t have the vitriol for this show that many have. I watched it for a couple seasons before throwing in the towel a few years ago. But let’s not pretend it suddenly became a shocking, riveting drama, okay Doug Ellin? You make a very successful show about bros doing shots on private planes with supermodels. More power to you. But don’t try to tell me it’s a good show because lots of people watch it, and don’t try to convince me it’s “The Wire” because one guy did cocaine for a month.

Bro.

As “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “Lost,” and countless other shows have proven, sometimes a character, often beloved, needs to die to advance the plot. And nothing furthers the story like death, unless you’re “The Killing.” On the following pages are ten characters who need to meet their maker, not because they’re bad characters (I repeat: these are NOT necessarily characters I want dead because I hate them), but because they’ve either served their purpose and need to go away or because their passing would bring on a whole new set of stories their show hasn’t been able to accomplish.

To death! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

Vincent Chase, “Entourage”

I’ve voiced my complaints about “Entourage’s” douchiness before, but all (well, most) of those could be redeemed if in the show’s final episode, its star, Vincent Chase, was killed, preferably by choking to death buried in a pile of cocaine. Wishful thinking, I know, but of its many faults, the most bothersome thing about “Entourage” is its lack of real-life consequences. Vincent and his gang of awful cronies can do whatever they want, whenever they want, without any repercussions. If the star of Aquaman were to die in the closing minutes of “Entourage”’s final episode, the entire show would feel less like 2,880 minutes of bros being bros, and more like a tragedy about what happens when fame goes to your head.

[Ed. note: I'd like to see Vince get killed immediately, as the other characters might actually become somewhat interesting if they had to strike out on their own.]

Dexter Morgan, “Dexter”

Dexter Morgan is one of only two good-to-great characters on the show bearing his name. The other: his sister, Debra. Let’s say the producers of “Dexter” decide to go off the air after season seven. In the final episode of the show’s upcoming sixth season, Deb should FINALLY catch Dexter in the act (and see him), but he runs away and skips town out of Miami. It’d be great if the final 12 episodes abandoned all the awful, awful humans at Miami Metro, and spent the entire season in a “Fugitive”-like chase between Deb and Dexter. In the last episode, she finds him, leaving her with a dilemma: she can’t throw him in jail, because that’s a lackluster ending (cough “Seinfeld” cough), and she can’t pretend nothing’s happened, because she’s a good cop. What’s left? Either we find out she too has been a good serial killer all these years, or she puts an end to Dexter’s butchering ways. (I know that Deb knows about her brother’s hobby in Jeff Lindsay’s books, but the show has gone off-text before.)

Betty Draper, “Mad Men”

There are many good potential death options for “Mad Men,” with everyone from Roger Sterling to Greg Harris (anyone but Don and Trudy, really) on the chopping block. But I think the strongest choice would be Betty — not because she’s a bad character, which she isn’t, or because she’s a bad actress, which she’s not (January Jones is icy, but so is Betty). It’s because her passing (car crash!) would further the story of one of the show’s best characters, Sally Draper. My friend has a theory that the reason Sally has been acting so weird of late is because she was molested by Grandpa Gene (as opposed to Baby Gene). If Sally, who’s already in a rough place in life, were to lose her mom, it’d be fascinating to see what the writers did with her—would she run away? Live with Don? Find the original Bobby?

Should Be Looked at: Sloan. Can't Stop Staring at: Turtle's sweater vest.

Google “entourage douchebag” and a link from Warming Glow appears third on the search list. That is unacceptable: this should be the foremost website for pointing out the douchebaggery on TV’s douchiest show, “Entourage,” which premieres for its eighth and final season this Sunday on HBO.

With that in mind, and with the wonderful thought of the show finally being off the air after seven years and approximately five clever jokes, here are the 10 biggest douchebag moments from “Entourage.”

10. Mark Wahlberg’s Ego.

Unsurprisingly, “Entourage” is based on a douchey concept. According to executive producer Mark Wahlberg, “My assistant wanted to film my friends around me, because he just thought it was hilarious.” AREN’T MY FRIENDS AND I JUST THE LIVING END? I’ve always thought of “Entourage” as the most taunting show in TV history. Shallow Hollywood jagoffs can get all the free booze, drugs, and booty they want, simply because they’re either good looking or once starred in the 1988 remake of The Blob, while the rest of us Joe and Jill Student Loans have to pay for bad beer and even worse sex. “Entourage” shows us what we’re missing, and rubs our faces in their asses that have never felt the horrific touch of $.69 toilet paper. And Wahlberg’s quote does nothing to disprove this.

9. The Seth Rogen Controversy.

Why mess with Seth Rogen? He’s supposedly one of the nicest, most normal guys in Hollywood, and his TV show and movie track record is pretty damn flawless. Yet, in 2009, Turtle wondered how Rogen’s character bagged and bedded Katherine Heigl’s Alison in Knocked Up, a film that had come out two years earlier. And by the time the episode aired, it was well known that Rogen had dropped a ton of weight for his upcoming role in Funny People. If you want to make fun of someone for being fat, whatever—it’s an easy joke, but fair game. But at least do to it in a timely manner and to someone who’s actually deserving of chubby scorn. (Rogen’s response to the comments: “Yeah, those guys are assh*les…Luckily I never have and never plan on watching “Entourage.”) Also, fat people shouldn’t make fun of other fat people. So f**k you, Turtle.

[Editor's note: "Entourage" creator Doug Ellin notably didn't respond to Rogen calling him an assh*le -- until there was a new season to promote. That's when he undercut Rogen by saying that he had considered Rogen for the role of Turtle. And for what it's worth, the original Knocked Up dig probably had something to do with Rogen talking candidly about HBO passing on a similar project of his before picking up "Entourage" -- "You start to question your own sanity. Like, ‘Our HBO pilot isn’t funny, but Entourage is?’"]

8. LeBron James, Humble Hipster Philanthropist

Whiny bitch Vincent makes $20 million a year, but he has to be convinced by LeBron James — sporting a pair of fake hipster glasses that would make even Terry Richardson feel like an ass — to give more than $10,000 to a charity for children (LeBron is donating a million). This all occurs in front of Vincent’s private jet that he’s flying to Italy, and shortly after Bono briefly appeared in a webcam cameo. It’s like the writers want us to hate the show. Other notable douchetastic guest stars: Tom Brady, James Cameron, Paul Haggis, Brett Ratner, M. Night Shyamalan, Jay Leno, and Lenny Kravitz.

I spend a disproportionate amount of time making fun of “Entourage” and expressing wonder at how anyone can root for the tiny, selfish men the show revolves around, but I will credit the show for this: after seven years of Vincent Chase’s life being a non-stop parade of almost-bummers that turn out TOTALLY AWESOME, last year’s season finale ended with Vince addicted to cocaine and actually going to jail. To my knowledge, it’s the first time any character has suffered any kind of real-life consequences on the show.

Now we’ve got the Season 8 trailer, and don’t worry — Vince isn’t going to backslide into drug use like EVERY OTHER CELEBRITY WHO GOES TO REHAB. The final season is all about BEING AWESOME. Please, just skip the trailer and follow along as I walk you the predictable arc of the trailer, which plays out the same way every single episode of “Entourage” ever does.

“Hey guys, sorry about my character actually suffering consequences last season. Total downer. But I’m clean now, and things are going to get back to awesome just as soon as I get back to my mansion.”

“Vince is back from rehab! Come on, sluts! Let’s show him our tits!”

SLUTS! SLUTS! SLUTS SLUTS SLUTS SLUTS!

“Remember how I was offended about being the voice of a cartoon character last season? Turns out it’s AWESOME, bro. Also, my shirt has jaws.”

“Yeah, I wrote a script. I learned how to type in rehab.”

Still gay.

Still wearing Knicks paraphernalia and askew baseball caps.

Still unhappy with E.

Still pissed at Ari.

NOTE: most of the drama of the trailer comes from people walking quickly. SO EXCITING.

“What, Drama? You gonna go up against me?”

“But I got you this job!”

Say what you will about how this show is shallow, repetitive, and lazy, but Kevin Dillon has done some breakthrough work in the art of bitchface.

Actual line from Vince: “Friendship comes first.” Next shot: the boys are all walking the same direction together. If I know anything about “Entourage,” that means everything’s going to turn out just fine for everybody. Let’s see what happens.

Final line of dialogue in the trailer: “We will all prevail.” Followed by: shouts of “YEAH!” and high fives.

Fin.

The miniature humans who comprise the cast of “Entourage” gathered on a mountainous overlook of Los Angeles for the new poster promoting the show’s eighth and final season. As you can see, each “Entourage” star is barely taller than a golden retriever (and about as likely to put his face in a woman’s crotch without first asking permission). I heard that this is the show’s last season because the budget for shoe lifts and stepping stools has spiraled out of control.

[EW]

It's almost back, you guys.

Come summer time, the only thing worth watching on the Big Four Networks is…when does football start again? Unless you’re a fan of reality shows and sitcoms that weren’t even good enough to make it on the midseason schedule, Fox, NBC, ABC, and CBS are all entertainment wastelands from June to August (the CW, too, but that’s year-round). Cable, on the other hand, is absolutely stacked, with both returning favorites (“Breaking Bad”!) and intriguing-sounding new shows (don’t make me regret calling you “intriguing,” “NTSF:SD:SUV”).

This is Warming Glow’s official summer TV preview, highlighting 25 shows, some great and some awful, but mostly somewhere in-between, that will keep you in the confines of your home instead of enjoying the warm weather and getting some much-needed exercise. (Also, before it’s brought up, “Beavis and Butthead” isn’t included because it doesn’t have an official premiere date yet.)

“Franklin & Bash” (TNT, June 1)

I’m looking forward to “Franklin & Bash” (it’s like the male version of “Rizzoli & Isles,” which returns July 11, FYI) because I’ll finally have a good reason for disliking Breckin Meyer. For years, the star of Road Trip and “Inside Schwartz” has bugged me, even though he’s in two shows I really like, “Robot Chicken” and “King of the Hill,” just because he looks so punchable. But now, when “Franklin & Bash” — about two “hotshot lawyers” played by Meyer and Mark-Paul Gosselaar, who presumably don’t play by the rules — premieres, I’ll have visual proof of why I dislike Breckin Meyer. Hopefully the world follows suit.

“Men of a Certain Age” (TNT, June 1)

Really, it’s good! I hate “Everybody Loves Raymond,” too, and think that Major League: Back to the Minors is the one weak spot in the otherwise perfect Major League trilogy (I have no previous grudge against you, Andre Braugher), but “Men of a Certain Age” is a great summer stay-at-home show. It’s easy to find yourself watching multiple episodes at a time, and Braugher, Ray Romano, and Scott Bakula (Dr. Beckett/Captain Archer!) have convincing chemistry between them. Although I can’t decide if “Men” makes me happy to be 23 years old or sad that I’m not in my 40s, I still suggest giving the show a chance.

“Childrens Hospital” (Adult Swim, June 2)

Rob Corddry, Megan Mullally, Rob Huebel, Ken Marino, Erinn Hayes, Lake Bell, Michael Cera, Henry Winkler, Malin Akerman, Nick Offerman, David Wain, Nick Kroll, Ed Helms, Jason Sudeikis, Joe Lo Truglio, Lizzy Caplan, Jon Hamm…the number of insanely funny people who have appeared on “Childrens Hospital” isn’t fair to other shows; they’re hogging all the talent. Season 3 begins at the very DVR-able time of midnight.

“Love Bites” (NBC, June 2)

Dead before it even aired, the hour-long comedy (uh oh) “Love Bites” was supposed to air in the fall of 2010. But a slew of behind-the-camera changes—like actress Becki Newton getting pregnant, even though her character on the show is a virgin, and Jordana Spiro fleeing back to her other, more successful show, “My Boys”—pushed “Love” back to midseason, then the summer, where it has a decreased episode count, from 13 to 9. Newton has already been cast on another pilot, so “Love Bites” is all set to be a trivia answer to a question no one ever asks.

“The Glades” (A&E, June 5)

Like “Dexter,” but for stupid(er?) people.