As you might have guessed from my incessant posts about the World Cup both here and at With Leather, I’ve got World Cup fever, and the only cure is alcohol in the morning. And I’m apparently not alone. Despite the incessant braying of people who take pride in not liking soccer, the USA’s loss to Ghana earned big ratings for ABC on Saturday, while the World Cup ratings for ESPN are up from four years ago.

[USA-Ghana] was the most-watched men’s game in FIFA World Cup history in the United States. The game scored 14.9 million viewers between 2:30 p.m. and 5:12 p.m. ET Saturday for ABC, Nielsen Media Research said Sunday…

It’s been a strong World Cup so far this time around for ESPN/ABC, which has banked a lot on a multimillion-dollar marketing push to entice American viewers to the worldwide TV equivalent of the Super Bowl here in the United States. Fifty games into the monthlong tournament, ESPN and ABC’s World Cup morning and afternoon coverage from South Africa has averaged a 1.8 rating and 2.8 million viewers. That’s up 48% from 2006′s 1.2 household rating and 60% from 2006′s average of 1.7 million viewers. [THR]

Frankly, I’m ready for the World Cup to be over, but not because the Americans got knocked out. All these games are killing my productivity. Ordinarily I’m fully dedicated to my work: creating cat Photoshops, capturing the very best screen shots of cleavage, and recycling jokes about farting and penises. The distraction of the World Cup makes me half-ass my job, which means I’m only working twice as hard as most of my readers. Buncha quarter-assers.

NFL Draft (ESPN, NFL Network if you’re lucky) — I have no idea how that banner image happened. I just opened up Google and Photoshop and went where my attention span took me. There will be a live-blog over on KSK, and I’ll probably be tweeting about it.

Community, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock (NBC) — NBC’s excellent Thursday sitcoms return with new episodes, and so does “The Office.”

Project Runway (Lifetime) — Season finale. Phew! I gave the NFL Draft top billing over this. That means I’m still straight. For now.

MLS Soccer (A&E ESPN2) — Seattle at Dallas. “MLS Soccer” is not quite as bad as “ATM machine,” but it’s close. Also: WOOOOO GO SOUNDERS!!!! *watches NFL Draft*

Ace of Cakes (TLC) — Season finale. Oh gosh, how did I miss another season?

Fringe (Fox) — I understand that you lovely readers have your favorite shows, and it’s only natural for you to want me to talk about them. But for some shows I just don’t have anything new to add. (“Look! It’s Pacey and Lieutenant Daniels!”) The Warming Glow listings are an assortment of what I like, what’s in the news, and what randomly catches my eye. And I try to mix up the random stuff from week to week. If something gets overlooked, don’t worry: it will still be on TV for you to watch. I promise.

Monday Night Football: Packers at Vikings (ESPN) — It’s the perfect storm of ESPN annoying the hell out of you: Brett Favre on Monday Night Football playing for his longtime hated rival against his former team during the same week that the league is promoting breast cancer awareness, an illness that his wife Deanna survived. If you need somewhere to vent, I’ll be hanging out at the live-blog on Kissing Suzy Kolber.

Gossip Girl (CW) — Hilary Duff and Tyra Banks co-star. Duff gets a multi-episode arc as a Hollywood starlet at NYU who becomes Dan’s love interest, while Tyra’s just there to annoy with her continued omnipresence.

Sherri (Lifetime) — Finally, someone has given one of the hosts of “The View” her own sitcom. Next up: Elizabeth Hasselbeck in the Ann Coulter biopic!

Heroes (NBC) — Is Hayden Pantysomething kissing girls yet? Wake me when she does.

Lie to Me (Fox) — Last week I compared it to “The Mentalist,” but it’s really more like “House” if Dr. House put his lie-detector skills towards solving crimes instead of RISKING HIS PATIENT’S LIFE!!

CSI: Miami (CBS) — Cheryl Ladd and Tia Carrere guest star in an episode where Horatio Caine and company investigate the mysterious deaths of three volleyball players. “Looks like our murder rate… *sunglasses* …just had a spike.”

Laugh if you want, but he’s listening to your thoughts.

As if Brazil kicking the salami out of the hated Italian soccer team yesterday wasn’t awesome enough, the game included what was possibly the greatest shot of a fan on the sideline since Jenn Sterger’s career got launched.  Welcome to Internet stardom, Ice Cream Kid.  In another couple of years, Daniel Tosh will give you the chance to eat an ice cream bar without smearing it all over your face.  Until then, may you live on in our laughing, joyous hearts.

There’s video after the jump, but I prefer the looped .gif file.  Because I never want the ice cream-smearing to stop.

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Justin Timberlake was a guest on the late-night SportsCenter last night, and of course the stupid handsome jerk was charismatic and charming.  It’s not enough for him to be really talented and stylish and have sex with the hottest girls on the planet, he also knows a lot about sports.  It’s not just that I can’t credibly insinuate that he’s a closeted homosexual, it’s that I don’t want to.  Damn you, Timberlake!  STOP BEING SO LIKABLE!!!!

[Awful Announcing]