Californication (Showtime) — Rick Springfield guest stars as himself, and yet I used a banner image of Eva Amurri as Hank’s preferred stripper/student. Hardly seems fair, but I have no intention of apologizing.

60 Minutes (CBS) — Mickey Andy Rooney provides the best two minutes of television I never watch. Second place: David Caruso in the opening scene of every “CSI: Miami.”

World Series (Fox) — Game 4, Yankees at Phillies. The World Series is fine. I enjoy it.  But it pisses me off that the NFL and NBC cancel Sunday Night Football because of it.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC) — A firefighter, his EMT wife, and their daughters get house to replace their crappy trailer. Prepare for a bus — and your heart — to be moved.

Dexter (Showtime) — I hear that this season’s been terrific so far. I apologize for not being able to watch every good show on TV. I’ll get around to watching it on DVD in the next three or four years. Maybe.

Styl’d (MTV) — Series premiere. Aspiring fashion stylists try to get a job at some celebrity styling agency. I really love the apostrophe. It saves so much more space than that bulky e.

The Girls Next Door (E!) — This show still exists, apparently. Kind of sad.

Mad Men (AMC) — It’s the season’s penultimate episode, and I highly doubt that it can be as depressing as last week’s show. Look for more Pete and Peggy, and less Roger. Bummer.

Eva Amurri, the actress who in the last week has gone from “Susan Sarandon’s daughter” to “Dear Jesus I wanna stick my face in ‘em” thanks to a nude scene as a stripper in “Californication,” co-hosted G4′s “Attack of the Show” last night. She didn’t magically make “AOTS” entertaining, but there are definitely long stretches in the video below where I can just tune out the rest of the world and gaze longingly at the screen. It’s a nice way to sit in a hazy stupor until I find my ether-sniffin’ rag.

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Californication (Showtime) — Season 3 premiere. Mmmmmm, Eva Amurri as a stripper. Approve.

Dexter (Showtime) — Season 4 premiere. Not only is Dexter now a dad, but this season also features John Lithgow as an serial killer foil to Dexter’s good serial killer.

Desperate Housewives (ABC) — Season premiere. Drea de Matteo gets added to the cast as — brace yourselves — a brassy Italian chick. Look at it this way: it’s not as bad as “Grey’s Anatomy.”

Brothers & Sisters (ABC) — Season premiere. Somehow this has been on for three years without me ever watching a single scene, even accidentally. But that doesn’t mean it’s bad. Rachel Griffiths and Rob Lowe often make things watchable.

The Simpsons (Fox) — Season 21 premiere. I don’t care if it’s not as brilliant as Seasons 4 through 9 or whatever you think the Golden Age of Funny was. This show gets a lifetime pass from me.

Mad Men (AMC) — I like “Mad Men” airing on Sundays during football season. I’ve already been drinking all day, I might as well have some whiskey neat while I watch this show.

The Cleveland Show (Fox) — Series premiere. Hate it.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO) — The brilliance of Jason Alexander on “Seinfeld” was that he made Costanza’s caricature of Larry David ultimately likable. Larry David as Larry David? Not so much.  But you’re welcome to hate me for that opinion.

Eva Amurri got two things from her mother Susan Sarandon: good looks and big cans. So I guess maybe that’s three things. Anyway, she’ll put all of them to use in the new season of “Californication,” in which she plays one of Hank Moody’s students who moonlights as a stripper. I should also put aside my pigheaded leanings for a moment and note that besides being attractive, Amurri’s a pretty good actress as well (I like her in Saved, anyway). At the very least, she’s dedicated to her craft:

“I had to train quite a bit,” Amurri says. “I had stripper bruises. I was quite banged up.” …

“Stripping is not easy, I will tell you,” she continues. “I have huge respect for people who do pole dancing. Stripping is incredibly empowering.”

I have huge respect for people who do pole dancing, too. That’s why I never stare at a naked woman inside a strip club. Just furtive sidelong glances. I don’t want them to think I’m some kind of perv. Do I want a lapdance? I think that’s a little too forward, miss. Why don’t we just go somewhere and talk for a while? There’s a private room in the back? That sounds lovely. Bartender, another iced tea, please.

(video of the interview below – “Gossip Girl” fans note that Ed Westwick is also involved)

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