Lost (ABC) — OMG, it’s the last one-hour episode EVER! Kinda makes me nostalgic. Nostalgic for when the show did a better job of showing off Kate’s body. Oh, Evangeline Lilly, I could forgive you for anything — even having sex with a hobbit.

Glee (Fox) — Neil Patrick Harris guest stars in an episode directed by Joss Whedon (video preview here). Oh man, we’re gonna have Whedonites, Losties, and Gleeks all watching television at the same time? But who’s going to monitor the Internet to bitch about criticism of their favorite shows? Oh my God, someone called Joss Whedon overrated! Sound the alarm!

V (ABC) — Season finale. The lizard invaders are something something, but not if the human resistance has something to say about it.

The Good Wife (CBS) — Okay, I officially feel bad for ignoring this show. Apparently, it really is a solid show, and I apologize for maligning it just because it’s on your grandparents’ favorite network.

Justified (FX) — There’s a pretty cool article about the evolution of the Raylan Givens character over at NY Mag. Also, something for the ladies.

American Idol (Fox) — I guess we’re down to, what? Three people? Crystal Bowersox is supposedly the most talented, which is too bad because she has (or at least had – I don’t watch the show) dredlocks. And if there’s something I absolutely can’t stand, it’s white people with dredlocks. I prithee, Lord, don’t let this woman inspire young people to make the same mistake.

90210 (CW) — Season finale. I guess the characters are in high school? Golly, I can’t wait to not find out what happens next season!

Evangeline Lilly spoke to New York Magazine’s Vulture blog about the final four episodes of “Lost,” including tonight’s episode about the Man in Black, which is rumored to be the best episode of the season. It’s a good interview, but it bothers me that the author, Mike Ryan, feels the need to preface the interview with a spoiler alert for this exchange:

We see that Allison Janney’s going to be on the show next week, in the episode about Jacob and the Man in Black.
I think that she played Mother Earth.

Ryan calls that a “possibly major spoiler.” And I gotta disagree with that. Kate turning out to be a man is a major spoiler. Jack killing Sawyer is a major spoiler. The submarine blowing up is a major spoiler. One of the show’s actors saying that she thinks a guest star has a one-off role as a metaphorical representation of nature is NOT a major spoiler. It’s not even a minor spoiler. It’s just Allison Janney as Mother Earth. It divulges nothing about the plot whatsoever. If you have a problem with that, please come to my apartment and knock on my door so I can punch you in the genitals, because you deserve it.

This photo of “Lost” stars Evangeline Lilly, Daniel Dae Kim, and Nestor Carbonell (plus bonus canine cuteness) was posted on Lilly’s Twitter feed, which was then shared on the “Lost” message board 4815162342.com. Try to guess what one Lostie did when he saw that picture. (Hint: if you guessed “bitched about spoilers,” you get a gold star.)

crow216: I know i’m being a complete tool here…but this is a spoiler to me. I did NOT want to see Richard the way he looks.
DaBooty1: what do you mean by “the way he looks”? with a beard? are you kidding? we don’t know where or why this picture was taken, it is far from a spoiler.
crow216: Well, if you are posting it now, are we to assume that it’s a new picture? If that’s a new picture and Richard is on set with a beard….Yes, yes it’s a spoiler and a big one.
crow216: the comments start on 3/15. I’m fairly certain it’s a recent photo. If you guys agree it’s not a spoiler then it’s fine but I sincerely hope not…..because that would fn stink that I just saw that.

Or, you know, maybe he didn’t have to shoot any scenes for a week and simply didn’t shave. But no, I’m probably just not obsessing over details enough. “HIS BEARD HOLDS THE SECRETS OF THE ISLAND!!!! Now the show is ruined for me, RUINED I say! How was I to know that a fan message board might share information about a show I want no new information about whatsoever?”

Now, granted, if you read the whole thread, you’ll see that the slightly less bitchy and insane fans talk some sense into “crow216.” But be warned, side effects of reading the whole thread include eye-rolling, headaches, and (eventually) drooling. Consult your doctor before clicking over there.

(Thanks to Clement for braving that message board so I didn’t have to.)

“Lost” has no opening credits, just discordant horns as the word “LOST” appears on a black screen. It’s a total creepy downer.

Enter this badass sexy video of awesome “Lost” clips set to the theme to “Baywatch.” I’d never realized how much of “Lost” involved running on the beach and swimming. I can’t possibly approve of this enough — it really sexes up the show. There’s plenty of scantily clad eye candy for men and women alike, plus we get to see Desmond perform a little CPR on Claire. You’ll notice that Charlie doesn’t get any screen time, however. That wasn’t exactly a banner day for water safety on the Island.

(thanks to Jacob for the tip!)

“Lost” fanatics and grizzled Internet veterans are probably already aware of this, but Evangeline Lilly — who plays Kate Austen in “Lost” and Cheetara in my favorite dream — was the spokeswoman for a phone sex company called Live Links circa 2003. The video above is from The Steel Closet (no, it’s not about gay Pittsburghers), and there’s an even sexier commercial with her below the gallery.

Frankly, I’m getting all sorts of cheap thrills out of this, and I feel like an idiot for it. I mean, it’s not like she was a phone sex operator. THAT would have been hot. “Hey! I know your voice! You got me off over the phone in 2003!” Although, come to think of it, even that’s kind of disappointing. I think I’d prefer it if she just did some nude scenes. That would be a lot more gratifying — and cost me less per minute.

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