ABC’s canceled “FlashForward” was predicated on a worldwide “blackout” in which everyone lost consciousness for two minutes and 17 seconds. To protest the show’s cancellation, fans will stage their own mass blackout in front of ABC buildings in several different cities. In a related story: wow, there are fans of “FlashForward”?

Fans of the show will gather in front of ABC network and affilate offices in New York, L.A., Chicago, Detroit and Atlanta on June 10 and stage a blackout of their own.

That’s right. For two minutes and 17 seconds, fans of the show are going to pretend to be passed out in front of ABC offices. [Variety]

I wonder if those people have any idea of both how long and how short 2:17 is on the clock. Like, it’s a long time to lie on the sidewalk and pretend to be passed out while passersby wonder what the hell you’re doing and kids poke you with sticks. And at the same time it’s practically too short to be noticed. ABC executives could be taking a dump and miss the entire event. “Hey, I was in the crapper, did I miss anything?” “Nothing worth seeing.”

100 Questions (NBC) — Series premiere. The title refers lead character Charlotte (attractive professional woman looking for love in the city!) turning to an online dating service and the 100 questions she has to answer to complete a compatibility test. One question gets answered every week, but there’s no way this is gonna make it to 100 episodes. Watch previews here and be warned: there’s a laugh track.

FlashForward (ABC) — Series finale. One of the tropes I always heard in the Marines was “Good idea, bad execution.” This show really should have been a lot better — or maybe given room to grow before ABC pulled the plug.

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox) — Season premiere of “American Idol” for dancing. I’ve got nothing against it, but don’t expect to hear much about it from me unless someone falls down on stage.

Police Women of Memphis (TLC) — Series premiere. The third installment of the “Police Women” franchise, after Broward County and Maricopa County. I’ve never seen any of them, but I assume it’s like “Real Housewives” meets “Cops.”

Mall Cops: Mall Cops of America (TLC) — Series premiere. Finally, mall cops get a show to restore the proud heritage that Kevin James destroyed.

SNL special (NBC) — “Saturday Night Live in the 2000s: Time and Again.” It’s a behind-the-scenes look at the show, which is nice because they have never ever ever done this. Prepare for two hours of Lorne Michaels sitting down with a pencil and notepad and seeing how straight of a line he can draw. Spoiler: reasonably straight!

Fringe (Fox) — This episode’s promo blurb promises “an ironic set of circumstances.” I suppose we should expect to see Lance Reddick wearing a trucker hat and listening to Journey.

Flash Forward (ABC) — Demetri finds out when he is going to die. You know, when Walter White found out he was going to die, he started cooking meth and killing people. Meanwhile, Demitri will try to hasten his wedding plans. Neat show, you guys.

30 for 30 (ESPN) — This episode, which first aired on Tuesday, documents Allen Iverson’s infamous bowling incident that landed him in handcuffs. The cops took him to jail because he could never remember whose turn it was to bowl.

Project Runway (Lifetime) — Part 1 of the season finale. Sorry, I don’t really have anything of consequence to say about this show. I don’t like airport dramas.

Flash Forward (ABC) — It got AWFUL ratings last week, which has left ABC scrambling to find a worthy sci-fi successor to “Lost.” Maybe if ABC didn’t cram its schedule with awful chick crap like “The Bachelor,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” and “Desperate Housewives,” its sci-fi shows might stand a better chance of keeping viewers.

30 Rock (NBC) — Jason Sudeikis returns to his role as Floyd, the ex-boyfriend of Tina Fey’s Liz Lemon.

Parks and Recreation (NBC) — I’ve had an ongoing argument this week with some friends about the best sitcom on television right now. At least two of them say it’s “Parks & Rec,” but I say “Archer” and “Community” are both better. Of course “Gary Unmarried” is right up there, too.

Tiger Next Door (Animal) — Note: this is not about the dangers of living near a sex addict.

Randy Jackson Presents: America’s Best Dance Crew (MTV) — Featuring a dance to “Take It Off” by Ke$ha. If someone told me I had to either watch this or get stabbed, my immediate response would be, “Stabbed where?”

NCAA Basketball Tourney (CBS) — Wooooo!!!! Go… *checks bracket*… Xavier!

Community (NBC) — There was a lot of talk about getting an animated GIF of Alison Brie last week. Some people were like, “A GIF of which scene?” And everyone who saw it was like, “You’d know it if you saw it.” Well, it exists, and it’s glorious.

Read the rest of this entry »

Flash Forward (ABC) — Series premiere. Judging by the first 18 minutes and the opinion of pretty much everyone on the Internet, this is gonna be really good. All the cool kids will be watching this tonight.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX) — The gang takes a road trip to the Grand Canyon. The previews have all made me laugh.

The Mentalist (CBS) — Season premiere. A crime procedural on CBS? You don’t say. This show is a huge hit for some reason; one of these days I’ll actually try to sit through an episode to determine if it’s actually good or if America is just being retarded again.

Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) — Season premiere. *fart sound*

Community (NBC) — Tonight’s second episode marks the debut of Ken Jeong as Senor Chang. Dammit, after six months of doing this job and not having to watch the crap that was on TV, it’s frustrating to actually have to stay in and watch it now.

Ultimate Factories (NatGeo) — This is why I love the “What’s on Tonight” feature. Do I want to ignore “CSI” and “The Office” so I can point out that there’s a show called “Ultimate Factories”? Yes. Yes I do.