PREFACE: This is not a political post. Not really, anyway.

TRUE STORY: The other day, a much older gentleman asked me what television news shows I watch, and I explained to him that I don’t watch any of them. He then proceeded to chastise me for being a lousy citizen before I could inform him that I don’t watch television news because I get most of my news coverage on the Internet (save for “The Daily Show”). He didn’t quite understand that because he’s still rocking an AOL account, and he’s a Newt Gingrich supporter, so he’s probably a little soft in the brain anyhow.

Truth be told, I don’t like television news because they yell a lot, and if I wanted someone to yell at me, I’d post something on WarmingGlow that made our readers miss Matt. Television news contains very little substance, and even the opinion is obscured by the volume. Frankly, it’s boring. I listen to NPR in the morning, and the rest of the day I stay informed through the Associated Press app on my phone and The New York Times, because I’m a pinko commie liberal hippy.

According to the Pew Research Center, I’m not alone, as fewer and fewer people turn to television news to stay informed.

Only 69% of adults turned to the tube first for election news last month, the lowest percentage in at least 20 years, according to the weekly surveys taken for the Pew Research Center’s News Interest Index. The latest figure is down from 72% four years ago, 78% in 2004, and 86% in 2000. Broadcasters are seeing the biggest losses. Just 32% of adults cited local TV news as their primary source for election news, down from 40% four years ago. The national nightly newscasts were down to 26% from 32%. Cable news channels held relatively steady at 36%, down from 38%. As you might imagine, a lot of people now are turning to the Internet for their political news fix. It passed newspapers to become the No. 2 source of election news, with 34% turning first to the Web vs 26% in the 2008 campaign and 13%.

I’m actually surprised that 32 percent of people use local news to stay informed because local news is garbage in every single region of the country. It’s basically good for one thing, and that’s embarrassing verbal gaffes, like this one:

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During a British press conference for The Muppets, Kermit and Miss Piggy responded to recent allegations by Fox News that they are left wing propagandists. Miss Piggy turns on the news network and absolutely owns them.

Ron Paul Secures the Coveted Snoop Dogg Endorsement — The people who write Ron Paul’s newsletters would not approve. [Uproxx]

Trailer for Bobcat Goldthwaite’s New Movie God Bless America — You must see this trailer. It’s about serial killers who take out idiots. I swear to you, I actually clapped three times while watching it and stopped just short of giving it a standing ovation at my desk. [FilmDrunk]

It’s the Last Temptation of Tim Tebow — I don’t want to give too much credit to Tim Tebow, but if he could escape the University of Florida as the most popular football player in the nation without getting his hang low stinky, I don’t think Kim Kardashian will be much of a challenge to his man hymen. [With Leather]

Ferris Bueller’ And 9 Memorable Movie Parody Commercials — The only one this list is missing is the memory-raping Breakfast Club inspired Back to School commercial for JCPenney’s. Hey, hey, hey, HEY. [Screen Junkies]

Overachieving Graphene Has Yet Another Use: Strengthening Booze: I’ll be honest: I didn’t understand a word of this post until Robopanda got to the part about making vodka stronger. [Gamma Squad]

25 of TV and Film’s Finest Villains Looking Downright Adorable — You have not lived until you’ve seen that motherf**king c**kscuer Al Swearengen dripping with cute kittens. [Pajiba]

Middle Finger Supercut — Here’s a supercut of cinematic middle fingers. I really hate the way that Molly Ringwald flips the bird. [Daily What]

Believe It Or Not, The Pro Bowl Wasn’t Terrible: The Game In Pictures: I calculated once that I watch over 200 hours of live football each year, and yet I still manage to miss the Pro Bowl every single year. Burnsy’s got us covered. [With Leather]

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I don’t care what part of the country you come from, or what your politics are: Paula Deen is a goddamn national treasure. When it comes to Fox News and the New York Times, I’m likely to agree with the latter eight times out of ten, but where Fox News and I agree is a love of Southern food. I grew up in the South, and if there’s one thing I know, it’s this: No matter how liberal, crunchy, hipster or metrosexual a Southern transplant may be, he will always show pride for his Southern sports teams and fried chicken.

This morning, Fox and Friends rightfully took the Times to task for a piece in the Dining section that spoke unkindly of three things I hold sacred: Crisco, Fried Chicken, and Paula Deen (I won’t take issue with the piece’s characterization of Cracker Barrel because, besides their chicken and dumplings, that place is nasty).

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After yesterday’s ratings post, which revealed that “Community” is the sixth least watched TV show on the Big Four networks, that “Harry’s Law” is more popular than “Parks and Recreation,” and that “NCIS” is America’s most watched TV show, the collective American intelligence needed a win.

Enter Jon Stewart:

Fox News’ prime time lineup now averages fewer viewers than Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show. According to TVNewser, Fox News averaged 1.868 million total viewers in prime time compared to 2.3 million for The Daily Show … The reason why Fox News feels so threatened by Jon Stewart is because his program is more popular than anything not named Bill O’Reilly on the network. Not only is Stewart popular, but he is popular with the coveted young demographics that Fox News struggles with. The average Fox News viewer is 65 years old.

The ratings win is not only big in terms of moral victories for common sense, but the demographics also suggest that there are more younger, brighter television viewers than deluded senior citizens demanding that hobos “put some skin in the game.” Then again, to put it in a broader perspective Fox News was the 4th ranked cable network of 2011 (while “The O’Reilly Factor” and “Hannity” were number one and two in cable news, respectively), compared to MSNBC, which was 28th (with CNN trailing behind at 29th), which suggests that there are a lot more deluded senior citizens watching Fox News than there are wackjob Pinko-liberal fascists watching MSNBC.

Either way, it’s a victory for fake news and dick jokes.

(Source: TVNewser)

This awesome non-apology from Andy Levy to Chris Brown Fox News’s “Red Eye” was everywhere two weeks ago, but it never got posted here ‘cuz Daddy was on vacation. Sorry about that. Let’s just keep it here for posterity.

TV, Murder, and Hurricanes, Oh My. Vince and the boys had me on the Frotcast this week. I haven’t listened to it, but I remember a LOT of jokes about their college friend who murdered his business partner. Good times. [FilmDrunk]

GOD’S AWAY ON BUSINESS. Spencer Hall’s meditation on the start of the college football season is the best thing I’ve read in ages. I’ve read it twice. [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

15 Haunting Film Cinemagraphs. “Cinemagraph” is a fancy word for a special kind of GIF. [UPROXX]

The Best of the 2011 U.S. Open. Hint: It’s all Brooklyn Decker. Well played, Burnsy. [With Leather]

The Justice League goes to the Wild West. Artist Ted Brandt makes the JLA one badass posse. [Gamma Squad]

18 Famous TV Roles Originally Played by Someone Else. Whoa, Louie Anderson was supposed to be Cousin Larry from “Perfect Strangers.” I did not know that. [mental floss]

Three Seasons of ‘Sons of Anarchy’ in Ten Minutes. Very efficient. [ScreenJunkies]

11 ‘Arrested Development’ Shout Outs To Its Actors’ Past Roles. [The Bluth Company]

What’s Really Going on at AMC? A deeper, more nuanced look at the money squabbles that tarnished the network of “Mad Men” and “Breaking Bad.” [Vulture]

Zooey Deschanel Is Hilariously Banal. Twenty-five of her Facebook posts, including “What are some of your favorite board games? I love them all.” [BuzzFeed]

(GIF via theclappingmonkey)