When the Japanese aren’t busy stacking food on their pets, they’re usually doing some other combination of insane and adorable, and this pet penguin is no exception. Lala the king penguin lives with a family in Japan, and he wears a little penguin backpack on his trips to the fish market. Awwwww, that’s adorable! Did you see the way the Antarctic bird is living in an air-conditioned room under the stairs in a hot and humid city?

Of course, there haven’t been any new episodes of “Real TV” since 2001, so even though this video is new to the Internet, Lala may very well be dead. Settle down, settle down — king penguins live 30 years, so I’m sure he’s fine. But you never know with Japan. Japanese men get erections from killing dolphins, so I don’t see what makes a penguin so valuable. The only thing Japan loves more than cute things is killing cute things for sexual release. I hear they slaughter entire litters of Golden Retriever puppies in Tokyo. It’s the hottest orgy in town.

[BuzzFeed]

I’ve seen a lot of trashy reality TV, but “Battle of the Bods” on Fox Reality Channel might take the cake for being the most shallow, cattiest thing I’ve ever watched.  I mean, it won’t destroy people’s lives like “Temptation Island,” but… wow.  This is really the gold standard for garbage.

Essentially, a group of five girls have to rank themselves in order of attractiveness (various rounds have them rank themselves by face, an individual body part such as breasts or ass, and their entire look), and they win money if their rankings match up with the rankings given to them by a panel of three men.  At the end of the show, the men strip down and they reverse roles.  Along the way, the viewer is treated by the ugliest girl saying “No way am I five!” and the lone girl with natural breasts saying, “Those don’t even look real!”

Season 2 begins later this month.  You can watch full episodes from Season 1 at Hulu and Fancast.  After the jump, I’ve got the episode that I just watched in complete disbelief, a YouTube clip for people outside the U.S., and more pictures.  Hooray, lingerie makes for great TV!