Today’s Forgotten Classic is a 1999 Disney Channel original movie called The Thirteenth Year. The still here shows Dave Coulier with a vuvuzela, which is either an incredible anachronism — vuvuzelas weren’t mass-produced until 2001 — or some very good Photoshopping, as evidenced by the reflection of the horn on the car door.

The Thirteenth Year also features an appearance by an eight- or nine-year-old Kristen Stewart, who captivates in her one scene as Girl in Fountain Line. You can really believe she’s waiting in line to drink from a water fountain. Dynamite contribution.

Wait, did I not mention the plot? Oh baby, the plot’s the best part! Yes, EVEN BETTER THAN DAVE COULIER WITH A VUVUZELA.

A boy, adopted by a loving family after finding him caught in a fisherman’s net as a baby, grows up to realize the true reason of his talent as a star junior high competitive swimmer: he is actually a male mermaid, or a “mer-man”. Faced with a tough decision to pursue his true lineage or stay with his friends on land, he realizes that his definition of “family” might not be as traditional as he thought. [Wikipedia]

Ooohh, sounds crappy and gay! Let’s watch the trailer!

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Last year, Jodie Sweetin — aka Stephanie Tanner from “Full House” — publicly admitted that she had an awesome addiction to every kind of drug on the planet, then she went on “Good Morning America” and made a tour of college campuses talking about how great it was to beat addiction. Now she’s coming out with a new book in which she admits to doing drugs the entire time she was talking about being clean. I suppose it’s wrong that I find that an attractive feature, huh?

Us Magazine has a full breakdown of her awesomely deviant behavior. It starts with binge drinking at age 14 and moves on to snorting meth at a film premiere and driving drunk with her nine-month-old daughter in the car. Wheee! Let’s take a closer look:

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Here’s the theme song and opening credits of “Full House” set to an earthquake destroying the Golden Gate Bridge.  It gives me great pleasure, as “Full House” was the TV show that taught me how to hate TV shows.  Although I would have liked to see the Tanner family in more intimate detail.  I can’t be the only one who wants to see Joey Gladstone decapitated by a flying metal cable or little Michelle burned alive in her car seat.  C’mon, who doesn’t love dead babies?  I mean, besides the United Nations Commission Against Dead Babies.  But whatever, those guys are lame.

[Buzzfeed]