That quote’s all you really need to know about this Funny or Die video starring Don Cheadle as Captain Planet (embedded below). Possibly the crappiest superhero ever conceived, Captain Planet was easily one of the worst cartoons of the 1990s, a paper-thin character attempting to broaden children’s respect for the environment by making it look like supervillains took joy in cutting trees down and polluting water. This video starts with that conceit, but Captain Planet soon turns into an angry badass who F’s people up and flies away saying, “Don’t summon me again unless you ready for that pain. Peace, dickholes!” It might be Cheadle’s best exit line since Maurice Miller crushed goldfish in Albert Brooks’s hand and told him, “That’s how you do the shake.”

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I know, I know: we’ve all enjoyed the last few days of peace and prosperity under my refusal to write about Charlie Sheen. But I wouldn’t break that boycott without good reason: this Funny or Die video of Sheen’s “Winning Recipes” cooking show is genuinely entertaining. It’s Sheen’s first acting gig since Briefcase of Cocainegate triggered Warlockapalooza 2011, and the writing for the sketch does a nice job of harnessing Sheen’s new persona of “delusional megalomaniac.” It’s worth watching this video just to see Charlie Sheen argue with a kitchen knife. I’m guessing he improv’d that one.

Funny or Die, as the Internet’s YouTube service for famous people, has a lot more “Die” than “Funny.” But this promo skit for “Parks and Recreation” — in which a foul-mouthed Rob Lowe goes off on the rest of the cast when he learns he hasn’t been on television in five months — is absolutely terrific. Watch the video:

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So, here’s Heather Morris of “Glee” and two of her friends (Ashley Lendzion and Riki Lindhome) in a Funny or Die video called “Nuthin’ But a Glee Thang,” which of course spoofs Dr. Dre’s and Snoop Dogg’s “Nuthin’ but a ‘G’ Thang.” Obviously, the last thing I want in the world is another “Glee”-related song, and the laster thing I want is for white girls to be rapping it.

But it features the rest of the “Glee” cast, and people are talking about this, and it’s not ALL terrible, so I’ll clue you in to the highlights: there’s a delightful appearance by Sofia Vergara, who does some nice booty-shaking; and Heather Morris actually has some flow for a white girl. I mean, her friends are absolutely TERRIBLE, but Morris’s verse has a little bit of verve. So good job, Heather. Way to be the second-best part of something crappy. Next time, though, I’m gonna need a lot more Sofia Vergara. In a lot less clothing.

If you liked this morning’s stories about “Saturday Night Live’s” Brett Favre commercial and “South Park’s” plagiarism of an Internet video, good news: “Saturday Night Live’s” Brett Favre commercial may have been stolen from an Internet video.

In the Funny or Die video below, a Brett Favre impersonator plays pick-up football in Wranglers Dickhole Jeans, much to the chagrin of the other guys on the field with him. They use a dildo that’s MUCH too large to be Favre’s penis, but other than that it’s pretty much the exact same joke as “SNL’s” Open Fly Jeans commercial starring Jason Sudeikis.

So was “SNL’s” version stolen from the Funny or Die video? The FoD video was posted last Wednesday, which is enough time for the “SNL” staff to see it and make their own version. However, Wednesday is also close enough to SNL’s air date for the writing staff to miss it completely, and given that Favre’s Wrangler commercials were obviously ripe for parody the instant his dick pictures hit the Internet, I wouldn’t be surprised if the two videos were made independently of each other. But hey, who knows. And who cares? I’d rather see a full 90 minutes of plagiarized skits than one more Gilly sketch.

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