A little something for the ladies...

Hot off the news that excitable British buccaneer Russell Brand would be getting his own animated show on FOX comes this: He will also be getting his own late-night show at FX. Just what the wealthy man married to a busty pop star ten years his junior needs: MORE OF EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME $$$$$$$. A Christmas miracle, indeed.

The untitled six-episode, half-hour series will premiere in the spring. The concept is still being tweaked but the taped show will feature Brand on stage in front of live audience, making commentary on a variety of topics from current events, politics and pop culture and interacting with audience members. “We’re very excited to add Russell Brand’s bracingly funny, original, and honest voice to the FX comedy line-up,” said FX’s EVP original programming Nick Grad. “We look forward to supporting Russell and his partner Troy Miller’s ambition to strip down the hosted comedy format to its most fundamental elements and to create something daring and unfiltered for the FX audience.” [Deadline]

It’s got to be the accent, right? I mean, it’s not that Russell Brand is entirely unfunny or anything, but… two shows? Really? I swear to God, it is AMAZING what you can get away with in America if you have a British accent. Russell Brand bounces around stage saying creepy sexual stuff to our women, Simon Cowell insults our singers and bickers with our loopy former Laker Girls (a treasured American resource), and we just keep throwing money at them. Hugh Grant could burn my damn house down, and, as long as he did that thing where he goes “Right right. I terribly sorry” while looking at his shoes and running his fingers through his hair, I’d probably forgive him before all the smoke cleared.

This has to stop. Let’s have some self-respect, America.

Still looking for the perfect Christmas gift to pre-order for the Oedipal-obsessed, Burt Reynolds-admiring, mulatto butts-loving, alligator-fearing, scotch-drinking person in your life? Well, here you go: on January 17, Harper Collins will publish How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written. It’s written by Adam Reed and the rest of the “Archer” team, and “written” by Sterling Archer himself. According to Harper Collins’ website, the book will show you:

What to wear; what to drink; how to seduce women (and, when necessary, men); how to beat up men (and, when necessary, women); how to tell the difference between call girls and hookers (hint: when they’re dead, they’re just hookers), and everything about weapons, secret devices, lying ex-girlfriends, and turtlenecks. In a word? How to Archer.

It’s only $10.87 on Amazon — or less than the cost of buying the mp3 of “Danger Zone” 11 times.

For years, HBO was the king of the promo. Their between-seasons trailers for “The Sopranos” and, in particular, “Six Feet Under” were a thing of beauty. I still occasionally watch the Nina Simone-scored promo for season four of “SFU”; it said everything you needed to know about the show in less than three minutes. Namely, DEATH IS EVERYWHERE.

But call 911, because someone’s committed regicide: FX has slain the king. Their promos have become increasingly awesome over the past couple of years, and they’ve outdone themselves with the teasers for season three of “Justified,” which premieres on January 17, 2012. The newest one’s got angry Boyd! Angrier Raylan! People crashing through glass! Um, Subway! It’s pretty great. View it after the jump, as well as the trailer for season six of “30 Rock,” featuring a WNBA booty-shaking Liz and Kelsey Grammer.

Read the rest of this entry »

Sons of Anarchy (FX) — Part 1 of a two-part season finale. I watched tonight’s and next week’s episodes last night, my last-ever Warming Glow screener. It’s good, but there’s nothing mind-blowingly awesome. I was surprised by how neatly certain plot lines got tied up, but other than that all of the notes sound pretty familiar: Gemma schemes, Tara goes crazy, secrets are revealed, and the neutralization of one threat to the club only results in a new threat. Oh, and Lincoln Potter turns out to be a lot cooler than I thought.

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (CBS) — D’oh! I already uploaded the “Sons” banner picture, thus ruining a perfectly good excuse to post pictures of supermodels in ridiculously ornate lingerie. Ah well, inset photo it is. Also featuring performances from Kanye West, Maroon 5, and Cee-Lo Green. (hi-res of Miranda Kerr here)

New Girl (Fox) — Jess (Zooey Deschanel) starts a handbell chorus for teenagers, thereby guaranteeing they will never be popular. I’m not sure if Justin Long is still around in tonight’s episode, but I certainly hated him exactly as much as I expected to in the Thanksgiving episode.

Man vs. Wild (Discovery) — Bear Grylls takes you behind the scenes of the series. I’m guessing the revelations DON’T include him showing the nice hotels he stays at. Zing!

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (CBS) / Scrooged (AMC) — Between these tonight and “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” last night, we are now only A Christmas Story away from all the truly great Christmas programming. I was legitimately terrified of the Abominable Snowman when I saw “Rudolph” as a kid.

LATE-NIGHT GUESTS: Kathy Bates and Jay Mohr on Leno; Shaquille O’Neal on Kimmel; Margaret Cho on Ferguson; Betty White on “The Daily Show”; Nathan Fillion and Morrissey on Conan; and Jesse Eisenberg and Piper Perabo on Fallon (I desperately want musical guest Neko Case to sing “Can’t Fight the Moonlight”).

FX has announced the January premiere dates for “Justified” and “Archer,” AKA “Why I Watch Television.” Circle these dates on your calendar: Tuesday, January 17th for “Justified” and Thursday the 19th for “Archer,” which will be paired with the new animated comedy “Unsupervised.”

[It] was created by “Sunny” writers Rob Rosell, Scott Marder and David Hornsby, and has a voice cast including Justin Long, Kristen Bell, Fred Armisen, Romany Malco, Kaitlin Olson and Alexa Vega, along with Rosell and Hornsby themselves. The show is about a pair of teenage best friends, Gary and Joel, trying to do the right thing with no parental supervision. [HitFix]

I can take or leave this new show. Right now I’m kind of mad that it’s distracting me from the point: people, we are a mere MONTH AND A HALF away from new seasons of “Justified” and “Archer”! That’s thirteen fresh episodes of Timothy Olyphant’s wry smile and H. Jon Benjamin’s deadpan delivery — UHHHH, I mean braless Natalie Zea and Lana Kane in her knockoff Fiaccis because I like girls! IS SHE A SEXY CARTOON OR WHAT?