“Name something an airline pilot might be holding during a long flight.”

Peanuts! Bottle of liquor! Controls! The fate of everyone’s lives on-board! Those are the first things that came to mind when given the prompt above. Turns out, I’m more of a prude than I thought; of the lucky 100 Americans who were surveyed for a response, three answered with: “His schlong.” It’s actually a better answer than “His bladder,” though, because it works for both male AND female pilots. She knows what I’m talking ’bout:

(H/T Deadspin)

“Jeopardy!’s” Tournament of Champions concluded with a two-day final this week, and computer scientist Roger Craig was crowned the winner, largely thanks to a ballsy gamble on Monday night. Craig, who held a narrow lead in Double Jeopardy on Monday, selected two Daily Doubles in a row. And he bet everything both times, propelling him to $36,000 — a lead that would carry him to a $250,000 payday. Take note of the other contestants’ reactions after the second bet pays off: Tom in the middle is laughing and shaking his head, like, “Well, this is over.”

The win propels Craig to second place on my list of best Roger Craigs. He’s ahead of Baseball Roger Craig, but still can’t match the three Super Bowl titles of Football Roger Craig. Still, it’s gotta be cool to be known as Jeopardy Roger Craig.

[reddit via BWE via The Set]

Several Warming Glow readers alerted me to the fact that one of the categories on Monday’s episode of “Jeopardy!” was “Planet of the Corgis.” This made me squeal with delight, but since that moment I’ve been unable to track down any video or images from that particular show.

However, I HAVE managed to find the clues from the category (see below), and anyone who’s a regular reader of Corgi Friday could have run through “Planet of the Corgis” like a corgi through an agility course.

$200: People in Cardiff know that the 2 types of corgi each have this nationality in their names

“What is Welsh.” Kind of insulting that they included “Cardiff” in the clue, because it allows contestants to figure it out without knowing that Pembroke Welsh and Welsh Cardigan are the two types of corgi (which means “dog” in Welsh).

$400: This author who wrote about a rabid St. Bernard owns corgis & featured one in his novel “Under the Dome”

Duh, “Who is Stephen King.” Another easy one because of the Cujo clue. (By the way, the excellent Brian K. Vaughn is developing “Under the Dome” as a series for Showtime, so there’s gonna be a corgi on TV!)

$600: Here’s our friend the corgi taking this future world leader for a walk in Hyde Park around 1940

I don’t have the photo that goes with the clue, but “Who is Queen Elizabeth II,” obviously. Stupid-ass Paul rang in and guessed “Who is Roosevelt?” What an idiot. Roosevelt was already a world leader in 1940.

$800: The dorgi is a dog produced when a corgi mates with this similar-looking breed

“What is a dachshund.” I admit, this one took me an extra second to figure out.

$1000: Once members of the AKC’s working group, corgis are now classified in this group, as they were bred to handle cattle

“What are herding dogs.” Although I’d argue they were bred more for herding sheep than cattle. STEP UP YOUR CORGI GAME, “JEOPARDY!”

(source: J! Archive)

Ordinarily, I try not to post videos longer than three minutes or so, because I have an incredibly short attention ha ha! Squirrel with its head in a yogurt cup! Classic. But this clip of highlights from Fuse’s new game show “Billy on the Street” had me transfixed — and laughing — for the better part of nine minutes. Eichner, a comedian and Northwestern grad (Woo! Go Cats!), originally developed his frenzied man-on-the-street interviews for the Upright Citizens Brigade, and the template has been adapted to a pop culture quiz show.

“Funny or Die’s Billy On The Street” is set to premiere on December 22nd at 11pm ET. Every Thursday evening, Billy hits the streets of New York City to test unsuspecting pedestrians on their knowledge of pop culture in a fast-paced and funny trivia style game show. From Lil Wayne to Meryl Streep, Billy covers all the bases with a hilarious urgency and an almost terrifying amount of passion.

Part game show, part comedy, the show incorporates several different rounds, as well as a fun twist where the final round is subjective, and contestants must agree with Billy’s opinions on pop culture in order to win. [Fuse]

Embedded below is an earlier video Billy did that’s the funniest thing I’ve seen about Sex and the City 2 since I read Lindy West’s review. Naturally, I lost it when he interviewed the dog. Man, I’m a sucker for dog interviews. I could watch a gay man interview a dog for hours.

China’s government is upset with the way television is “fueling more independent viewpoints” and has ordered “overly entertaining” shows off the air by next year. Well, at least they’ll still get CBS. From the AP:

The order from the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television refers to shows that are vulgar or “overly entertaining.” It singles out programs dealing with marital troubles and matchmaking, talent shows, game shows, variety shows, talk shows and reality programming.

I don’t say this too often, but man: way to go, Chinese Communist Party.

Such shows must be largely phased out by the beginning of next year by the country’s 34 satellite TV stations, to be replaced with news and cultural programming. The order also bans viewership surveys and the use of ratings as the sole criteria for whether to broadcast a particular show…

The crackdown coincides with a bout of national hand-wringing over a lack of public ethics, highlighted by the death last week of a toddler who was struck by a vehicle and left for dead by passersby.

That story doesn’t surprise me in the least. I just hope those “public ethics” make it to Chinatown. “You ever ride public transportation with the Chinese? They’re goddamn animals,” is what a racist person might say.

This clip from “Family Feud” was destined for viral fame the moment the survey “something you put in your mouth but don’t swallow” was taken. After Team Forsythe wins the face-off with “gum” — not the rhyming word I expected — host Steve Harvey approaches Magen, a pastor’s wife who’s certain that one of the answers is “sperm.” She justifiably gets the big red X, because most Americans know that semen is supposed to be swallowed. A better answer would have been “penis.”

[Gawker via The Daily What]

Actor Jaleel White — don’t call him Urkel, he hates that — will host a new Syfy series called “Total Blackout.” It’s basically the same thing as ABC’s “Love in the Dark,” minus the love.

The a comedic game show in which contestants battle each other and their fears in a series of challenges. However, there is a twist — all the challenges are played in complete darkness. There are no lights, no blindfolds and no-holds barred as the players face their fears and unexpected surprises in a series of nerve-wracking games. [Accidental Sexiness via TV Tattle]

The show will begin production in L.A. next week, but there’s no premiere date set yet. I’ll let you know when it airs so you can be sure to have dinner plans that night.

We scoff, but at least this is steady, legitimate work. It’s hard out there for ’90s TV nerds. I saw Dustin Diamond begging for change on the subway the other day and gave him 25 cents. I’m kidding, of course. I would never give a panhandler money.

(image via BuzzFeed)

"I regret nothiiiiiiing!"

101 Ways to Leave a Game Show (ABC) — Season finale. From Yahoo: “Tonight’s ejections all have a nautical theme, so losing contestants will be strapped to an anchor and tossed into the sea, dropped into shark-infested waters, and dumped into the ocean while in a cart full of fish.” The future is now.

Deadliest Catch (Discovery) — Season finale. Followed by a behind-the-scenes special about the show. Is this still about crabs? Because I ran out of STD jokes for this show four seasons ago.

Nail Files (TV Guide) — Season finale. Why does TV Guide have programming? Dammit, you’re supposed to tell me what’s on other channels.

Awkward (MTV) — Word on the e-streets is that this isn’t too bad. Can anyone tell me if that’s true, or if it’s just a mediocre show that looks excellent compared to the years of terrible programming MTV’s aired?

Frontline: The Pot Republic (PBS) — “Frontline” takes a look at California’s marijuana business. I have a feeling that California will either save or destroy America.

I’m warning you: this clip from “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?” will corrode your brain cells and diminish your IQ. In it, contestant Jennifer selects the category “Second Grade Measurements” and is given this problem to solve:

If Jacob stands on Spencer’s shoulders, they are two and a half yards high. How many feet is that?

Now, I’m pretty bad with math. I had to close one eye and furrow my brow, but within about five seconds of reading that problem I settled on “seven and a half feet.” However, as I watched Jennifer attempt to figure out this problem, I started second-guessing myself.

Her initial hunch is “a football field,” which shook up my established notion of how tall two boys should be. Then, as she struggles to remember conversion rates (she thinks there are 352 feet in a yard), I started thinking, “Wait, ARE there only three feet in a yard? Or is it six?” Then she talks about the college chemistry class she took at TCC in Texas  (Tarrant County College), and I went through my math again, thinking that maybe I needed Avogadro’s number somewhere in the equation (HOW MANY MOLES ARE IN JACOB AND SPENCER?). Finally, Jennifer takes a peek at her fifth-grade counterpart, a girl who has determined that the answer is 78 feet. Now, 78 feet is a preposterously stupid answer, even for a child in the American school system. Just absolutely moronic. But it’s still closer to the actual answer than Jennifer could possibly get, so she says “78 feet” and does NOT get the $2000 she could have gotten for not being an imbecile.

[via Reddit and BuzzFeed]

Yikes: on Saturday night, the Canadian version of “Cash Cab” finished up a night of shooting by hitting and killing a 61-year-old pedestrian.

The show had finished filming for the night and a producer was driving the mock yellow cab back to a storage area when the accident occurred, the show’s production company, Castlewood Productions Inc., told The Vancouver Sun.

“Our thoughts and prayers are with the victim and his friends and his family. My heart also goes out to the driver of the vehicle, a member of our technical staff, who is shaken and devastated by this tragic accident, as is our entire team,” the company’s president, Andrew Burnstein, told The Sun. [NY Daily News]

No charges have been filed, but if that producer drinks on the job half as much as I do, she’s in serious trouble. And yeah, I’m assuming the producer was a woman. Whether or not that’s true, I stand by the logic that helped me jump to that conclusion. JOURNALISM!