Justified (FX) – Raylan takes on Oxycontin dealers and presumably shoots one or more of them in the chest and/or face. I love this show. (HEY YOU! Go reread my Q&A with “Justified” writer Jon Worley.)

Tosh.0/Key & Peele (Comedy Central) – Season premiere of Tosh, and series premiere of “Key & Peele,” a new sketch show. Sorry guys, not while Raylan’s shooting people. Priorities.

Southland (TNT) – I have never seen this show, but I have heard it’s good, and people get angry when I don’t include it. Here you go. Please do not yell at me.

Inside the Actor’s Studio (Bravo) – George Clooney is the guest. Sometimes I forget George Clooney is an actor. I just think of him as this awesome rich guy who goes to award shows in expensive suits with attractive ladies on his arm. Like Brody Jenner, but with redeeming qualities and a soul.

Glee (FOX) – Tonight’s episode is Michael Jackson-themed. The video for “Jam” was awesome. I would have forfeited 10% of my future earnings to be in a warehouse with Heavy D and Kriss Kross watching Michael Jackson try to play basketball against Michael Jordan. (Video after the jump.)

Celebrity Wife Swap (ABC) – Former WWE wrestler Mick Foley and soap opera actor Antonio Sabato, Jr. swap wives. No two people on Earth are less alike than Mick Foley and Antonio Sabato, Jr.

Ink Master (Spike) – From TV Guide: “A head tattoo causes a fight; naked women appear in the competition; a third artist is eliminated.” This is, without a shadow of a doubt, the best possible sentence.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Tonight, Leno has Michelle Obama and Mark Harmon from “NCIS.” Letterman, on the other hand, has Bill Murray and Girls’ Generation, a nine member, all girl Korean pop group (who has been discussed on the Uproxx network before). This is what we in the television community refer to as “effective counterprogramming.”

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The “Ditz” or “Idiot” or “Moron” has always been a staple of television sitcoms, but it seems like they’re growing increasingly dumb in recent years. That may be a function of our own society. After all, in many cases this character archetype exists in order to make the viewer at home feel superior. It’s getting more and more difficult now, however, to create a character dumber than the average Nielsen viewer without adding a functionally retarded person into every sitcom. Remember Ralph and Potsie from “Happy Days,” or Joey from “Friends” or even Screech and Michael Kelso? Compared to modern television’s dumb characters, they seem almost Eisensteinian.

How far has the bar dropped? Here is a ranking of the 10 Most Profoundly Stupid Characters on Current Television Shows (Limit one character per show). The level of intelligence among these characters should speak for itself.

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So, the thing about TV news that breaks after 2 p.m. on a Friday: you’ll probably have to wait until Monday to read our reaction to it, even when it’s about “Community.” It’s a scheduling thing blah blah blah. So, to apologize for our tardiness, we’ve sorted through all the hundreds of masturbatory quotes and inane talking points from this year’s Television Critics Association (Fox and NBC so far, everything else forthcoming) to give you only the tidbits that matter. Also, to sweeten the deal, there’s a reactionary GIF for every item.

Also, quite possibly the least funny show on TV was canceled, so yay!

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Just assume he's on a torrent 'site.

TorrentFreak released their list of the 50 most searched phrases on torrent site Kat.ph in 2011, eight of which were TV-related (nine, if you include “WWE”):

13. “Glee”; 24. “True Blood”; 28. “Game of Thrones”; 35. “How I Met Your Mother”; 41. “Supernatural”; 45. “House”; 48. “Dexter”; 50. “Breaking Bad”

I’m trying to find something that connects these shows together, but I’ve got nothing – unless disappointed “Glee” fans, fed up with Autotuned white noise, wanted to a hear a REAL karaoke song, and downloaded the “Breaking Bad” episode with Gale singing “Major Tom (Coming Home).” The fact that they’re not all HBO or Showtime or Starz (ha) shows is surprising, as is the inclusion of “House.” Is he still curmudgeonly?

Because it’s the Internet, though, the answer probably is: people want to see hot people doing hot things, so they download “Glee” for this and “True Blood” for this and DEFINITELY “Game of Thrones” for this. “Breaking Bad” is just the exception to the rule, unless you’ve got a fetish for Chilean fast food proprietors. To further prove the point, check out the full list of torrent search terms – including popular stand-bys “sex” and “xxx” – after the jump.

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Look, I was about to write about the fact that the voice of super-hot old lady Helen Mirren is appearing in an episode “Glee” when it returns in January (as the inner voice of one of the characters), but then realized no one really cared. Then I was going to write about Ron Paul getting testy with CNN last night and walking off an interview over those racially insensitive newsletters, but then I got distracted by two things: The video above of a bullfrog licking an iPhone (which you have to watch to the end because it is awesome) and, after the jump, how weirdly hot “Jersey Shore’s” Sammi Sweetheart looks without makeup. Do not doubt me.

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