Good news, Harry Potter fans: a company has designed a wand that acts as a universal remote control. The Kymera Wand is a programmable dork-magnet that allows you to change the channel by flicking your wrist and adjust the volume by rotating the wand. I am not making this up.
For the best results, hold the wand lightly in the hand, steady and level, and make short, positive movements… Pause for a half second between gestures. With a little bit of practice you will easily be able to amaze and delight your friends and family, by working your incredible magic.
Of course, your friends would be even MORE amazed and delighted if you stopped masturbating to Lord of the Rings fan fiction and fetishized something besides children’s fantasy books. Seriously, ANY kind of hardcore weirdo is better than adults who think they’re wizards. Hell, at least furries get laid.
[Gizmodo via Topless Robot]
J.K. Rowling: A Day in the Life (ABC) — That sound you hear is ABC cashing in on cheap programming a day before Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows opens. I think there should be a porn called Harry Potter and the Meth-Head Swallows.
Discovering the Real World of Harry Potter (Travel) — Oh Jesus. There is no real world of Harry Potter. It’s fake, people. It’s f-cking pretend. Now put down the broomstick and stop playing quidditch at your overrated private liberal arts college.
Burn Notice (USA) — Michael and a prominent member of the Miami underworld get kidnapped by a dangerous operative from Michael’s past. Why won’t those mean people from his past just leave him alone? He’s not a spy any more you guys!
Tosh.0 (Comedy Central) — Probably the funniest show on television this summer, although that comes from the biased opinion of a blogger talking about a show that focuses on the Internet.
So You Think You Can Dance (Fox) — Results show. Two of the top ten get sent home. This show’s gonna end in two months and the new season of “American Idol” will be ready to go. It never ends unless we break the cycle of watching it, people.
World’s Largest Cruise Ship (Nat Geo) — Take a look at Royal Caribbean’s Freedom of the Seas. It’s programming targeted specifically towards people who subscribe to Yacht Owners Monthly.
Braveheart (TNT) — I dunno, it’s just not the same without blood splattering on the camera. And isn’t it long enough without commercials?
Harry Potter star Emma Watson was on Letterman Wednesday night, and Dave brought up her accidental panty-flash during the monsoon at the U.K. premiere of Harry Potter and Philosopher’s Chamber of Half-Blood Prisoners (see the 7:15 mark in the video below). She gets charmingly flustered, calls it a “wardrobe malfunction” (which sounds way less annoying in a British accent), and ultimately says, “At least I’m wearing underwear,” which draws applause from the audience. But not from me. I usually boo women until they talk off their underwear. I’m tough but principled.
