The good: Daniel Radcliffe’s exuberance and hobo jokes.

The bad: most of the episode; the Mitt Romney opening; the Glenda Okones series; “You Can Do Anything” trying, and failing, to sum up an entire generation; TWO Sarah McLachlan references…There was a lot to not like about this week’s episode, though Radcliffe was consistently excellent. He was game for anything without seeming desperate for laughs, and it’s a shame the quality of most of the sketches weren’t better.

The worst: Lana Del Rey’s Carey Mulligan-in-Shame impression of a “musical” performance. Holy crap.

This was the Target Lady’s NINTH “SNL” appearance, dating back to 2005. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Kristen Wiig should only do one-off characters. Target Lady’s not as bad as Gilly, but that’s like saying genital warts aren’t as bad as syphilis.

Hobos — or “homeless bozos” — are never not funny.

It came about two years too late, but I found “Delaware Fellas” hilarious. I’m a sucker for a good terrible Italian accents, and British Daniel and black Kenan brought their best/worst. But mama mia, where was the CABBAGE?

Much to their credit, “SNL” found an interesting angle for their inevitable Harry Potter sketch, and as my fiancée noted, Radcliffe’s make-up looked better here than in the movie. There was only one thing missing:

I’m referring to Rachel Dratch, of course.

Does “SNL” admitting that they have no idea what the hell to do with Jay Pharoah make this any funnier? Nope. This was better when it was “The Chris Farley Show.” But that’s true of anything Chris Farley-related:

In 100 years, people are going to laugh so hard at our ironic “Rugrats” t-shirts.

Alternate lyrics: “Have sex with me/I know you want to have sexxx with me/Sex with me/Sex with me.”

“Whee?” (More on Lana — whose recorded tracks don’t sound nearly as bad — here.)

Daniel Radcliffe — aka Harry Potter, aka the sixth richest actor in Hollywood, aka Entertainment Weekly’s Entertainer of the Year, aka notorious Broadway dancer groupie, aka alcoholic – is set to host “Saturday Night Live” on January 14th, three weeks ahead of his new movie, The Woman in Black, the movie that will introduce pediophobia to a new generation of teenagers. It’s not Radcliffe’s first stab at comedy — he was featured in Ricky Gervais’ “Extras” back in 2006 as a 16-year-old chain smoker. But this is “SNL,” and “SNL” chews up even great comedic talents, so I wouldn’t expect much from his turn as host. I’m not sure what direction the writers will take, though I suspect a Harry Potter versus Twilight skit will take shape, and maybe they’ll exploit the creepy sexual obsession a lot of middle waged women seem to have with Radcliffe. He’ll probably also cross dress, because apparently that’s what British people do for laughs, although if you try it here in America, GLAAD will sic its minions on you.

The good news for Radcliffe is that he’ll be following Charles Barkley, who will host the January 7th episode, and after that, I’m sure anyone would look favorable by comparison. Fun Fact: The last time Charles Barkley hosted, Nirvana was the musical guest. Nine months later, Kurt Cobain blew his brains out. COINCIDENCE? I think not.

Last fall, I wrote about the Kymera Wand, a programmable universal remote control that combines the dorkiness of Harry Potter fandom with the laziness of watching television. Based on the description alone, it sounded like another pointless use of modern technology, but now that I’ve seen video of it in action I can confirm that it’s even stupider than that. “Well, the downside is that it’s harder to use and less convenient than a remote, but the good news is that I look like a wizard!”

[Urlesque]

Good news, Harry Potter fans: a company has designed a wand that acts as a universal remote control. The Kymera Wand is a programmable dork-magnet that allows you to change the channel by flicking your wrist and adjust the volume by rotating the wand. I am not making this up.

For the best results, hold the wand lightly in the hand, steady and level, and make short, positive movements… Pause for a half second between gestures. With a little bit of practice you will easily be able to amaze and delight your friends and family, by working your incredible magic.

Of course, your friends would be even MORE amazed and delighted if you stopped masturbating to Lord of the Rings fan fiction and fetishized something besides children’s fantasy books. Seriously, ANY kind of hardcore weirdo is better than adults who think they’re wizards. Hell, at least furries get laid.

[Gizmodo via Topless Robot]

J.K. Rowling: A Day in the Life (ABC) — That sound you hear is ABC cashing in on cheap programming a day before Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows opens.  I think there should be a porn called Harry Potter and the Meth-Head Swallows.

Discovering the Real World of Harry Potter (Travel) — Oh Jesus.  There is no real world of Harry Potter.  It’s fake, people.  It’s f-cking pretend.  Now put down the broomstick and stop playing quidditch at your overrated private liberal arts college.

Burn Notice (USA) — Michael and a prominent member of the Miami underworld get kidnapped by a dangerous operative from Michael’s past.  Why won’t those mean people from his past just leave him alone?  He’s not a spy any more you guys!

Tosh.0 (Comedy Central) — Probably the funniest show on television this summer, although that comes from the biased opinion of a blogger talking about a show that focuses on the Internet.

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox) — Results show.  Two of the top ten get sent home.  This show’s gonna end in two months and the new season of “American Idol” will be ready to go.  It never ends unless we break the cycle of watching it, people.

World’s Largest Cruise Ship (Nat Geo) — Take a look at Royal Caribbean’s Freedom of the Seas.  It’s programming targeted specifically towards people who subscribe to Yacht Owners Monthly.

Braveheart (TNT) — I dunno, it’s just not the same without blood splattering on the camera. And isn’t it long enough without commercials?

Harry Potter star Emma Watson was on Letterman Wednesday night, and Dave brought up her accidental panty-flash during the monsoon at the U.K. premiere of Harry Potter and Philosopher’s Chamber of Half-Blood Prisoners (see the 7:15 mark in the video below).  She gets charmingly flustered, calls it a “wardrobe malfunction” (which sounds way less annoying in a British accent), and ultimately says, “At least I’m wearing underwear,” which draws applause from the audience.  But not from me.  I usually boo women until they talk off their underwear.  I’m tough but principled.