HBO released a teaser for its upcoming movie Game Change, based on the best-selling book that chronicled the 2008 election, and it looks interesting I guess but LORD HAVE MERCY I have no interest in turning this into a discussion about politics or which party and/or candidate hated America the most. I’d rather try to eat a frisbee. So, instead, I’ll make these two observations:

- When Julianne Moore first appeared on stage, I thought to myself “Wow, she really looks like Sarah Palin.” But then I realized EVERYBODY looks like Sarah Palin if you pile their hair on top of their head and put some librarian glasses on them. It’s such a signature look at this point that you could probably put DMX in that get-up and people would be like, “Huh. I never realized how much he looked like Palin.” (Just so we’re all clear or this, DMX in a Sarah Palin costume would be the funniest thing ever. It wouldn’t even be close. — AWESOME UPDATE BELOW.)

- Since everyone who’s interested in this stuff already knows most of the details, they should have spiced things up a little. Like, maybe they could have turned McCain into my favorite stock movie character of all time: the gruff police chief. He could call Palin into his office and start yelling about what a live wire she is, and how, DAMMIT, the head of the RNC is gonna have his ass for her reckless shenanigans. Then she’d yell back “I GET RESULTS,” and he’d take her off the case and order her to stay away from Cortez’s warehouse even though Cortez killed her partner and is flooding the streets with tainted dope. Then she’d go undercover and take the whole gang down with only the help of her canine sidekick, Gipper. Also, let’s change her name to something like Mallory Justice or Paige Lawless. Now THAT’S a movie I would watch.

Read the rest of this entry »

When HBO released the first footage of “Game of Thrones’s” second season, my passion for the series was stoked to the point that I demanded the show start filming seasons back-to-back, Lord of the Rings-style.

With that in mind, BOOSH and/or KAKOW:

We are now hearing from multiple sources that HBO plans to order both seasons three and four and film them back-to-back (à la Lord of the Rings). It has already been confirmed that A Storm of Swords would be covered in more than one season. From what we have heard, much of the film crew in Northern Ireland has been told of this plan and has been advised to expect nine months of filming next year. [Winter is Coming]

So basically, Seasons 3 and 4 of the TV show will cover third book and carry the televised series into 2014. Most outlets are saying that this won’t become official until Season 2 begins in April, but this is still a step in the right direction. I just wish HBO would stop being coy and greenlight as many seasons as it takes to adapt George Martin’s novels. It’s not like violence and tits are going to go out of fashion in the next five years.

Enlightened (HBO) — This is one of the fall season’s solid new shows that I haven’t seen because I’m only one human staying up until 2:00 a.m. every night trying to watch everything on television. Ordinarily, I’d make a guilty overture about how I should try to watch it, but I can finally say with relief that I’ll probably never see this, and I’m okay with that. Same goes for everything on Showtime. SO LONG SUCKERS!

House (Fox) — Fall finale. “Fall finale” is just the network’s way of saying “last new episode until after the holidays and bowl games.”

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (ABC) — Probably my favorite annual Christmas program, slightly ahead of the stop-motion “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” My only quibble: the way Cindy Lou Who ruins the ending.

Bored to Death (HBO) — Season finale. Jason Schwartzman’s character gets killed off, then Ted Danson and Zach Galifianakis get stoned to celebrate how much better the show is without him. Not really, but that’d be sweet.

The Closer (TNT) — Winter premiere. Ahhhh, TNT police procedurals: for TV viewers who find CBS police procedurals too slickly edited.

Rizzoli & Isles (TNT) — Winter premiere. Oh, “LADYCOPS,” I shall miss you the most of all TNT shows about lady cops. (Bill O”Reilly guest stars as himself on tonight’s episode.)

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Kirstie Alley, Damon Wayans Jr, and She & Him on Leno; Regis Philbin on Kimmel; Miranda Kerr on Chelsea; Jason Segel and Das Racist on Conan; and Aisha Tyler on Ferguson. YUUUUUUP.

"Lose ten pounds IMMEDIATELY."

STOP EVERYTHING: it’s the first real look at Season 2 of “Game of Thrones” (video below). This production promo mostly features writers David Benioff and D.B. Weiss discussing the challenges of the new season, but along the way it offers glimpses of new characters — including Stannis, Melisandre, and Margaery Tyrell — as well as Season 1 favorites like Jon Snow, Tyrion Lannister, and Daenerys Targaryen.

That’s the good news. The bad news is that Season 2 doesn’t start until f**king APRIL. Guhhhhh thath’s SO FAR AWAY. Winter is coming, and then it will leave, and only THEN will we get to see the clash of kings. Dammit, can’t they just film everything all at once like they did for Lord of the Rings, and then run all of the episodes in a sixty-hour block one three-day weekend so I can experience it in total while neglecting sleep and hygiene and basic human needs? These adult diapers aren’t just going to soil themselves, you know.

Read the rest of this entry »

"I regret nothiiiiiiiiiing!"

I know that bloggers use superlatives so often that people don’t even understand what hyperbole is any more, but please take me at my word when I tell you that the video below by the brilliant Doctor Roboto is the single greatest TV supercut in internet history. It’s every death from Season 1 of “Game of Thrones” set to Guns ‘n Roses’ badass cover of “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” It’s 5 minutes and 40 seconds of 200 proof unfiltered ownage from the most badass show on television. VIDEO OF THE MILLENNIUM.

(And I shouldn’t have to say it, but: spoilers, obviously.)

Read the rest of this entry »