This compilation of TV chef Gordon Ramsay yelling at people (NSFW audio) has been making the rounds over the past day or two. It checks in at a completely unreasonable 42 minutes, so I certainly don’t expect anyone to watch the whole thing. Hell, I can barely stay focused during 42 minutes of something I actually enjoy, like watching an episode of “Justified” or ranting to people on the street about how Jeff from “Saved by the Bell” was a total creep. So the concept of spending that much time watching an egomaniacal little brat berate grown men and women like they’re children doesn’t appeal to me in the least.

I can’t for the life of me figure out why people enjoy this goon. “OH LOOGIT HONEY, HE CALLT THAT LADY A F-CKIN DONKEY BUHCUZ SHE CUT THE PUHDATOES WRONG. HAHA.” It’s a ridiculous premise for a show, and he is a ridiculous person. If I wanted to see someone yell and scream at his underlings like a drunken, power-mad tyrant, I would watch a college football game. At least then maybe I’d get to see a fat guy do a dance after scoring a touchdown. I love it when that happens.

In summation, I’ve said this before, but I would pay $50 to see someone wordlessly approach Gordon Ramsay during one of his impotent tirades and just smash a pineapple right on top of his dumb head. Double that if the smasher is a big fat guy who dances afterwards. Offer’s on the table.

The Daily What via Eater

Today’s top story in “misleading headlines” is the death of Joseph Cerniglia, a chef and restaurateur who was abused by Gordon Ramsay on “Kitchen Nightmares.” Cerniglia, 39, jumped off the George Washington Bridge on Friday. His body was later found floating in the Hudson River. And in a nice example of foreshadowing…

“Your business is about to f–king swim down the Hudson,” the brash Brit berated Cerniglia, a married dad of three who lived in Pompton Lakes.

But that’s not the first time Ramsay sapped someone’s will to live.

The first person to star in a Ramsay show and then kill herself was chef Rachel Brown. Brown, 41, competed on Ramsay’s “Hell’s Kitchen”  in 2006… She shot herself to death in her family’s Dallas home a year later.

In all fairness, the restaurant industry can be a brutal, stressful business, so it’s not really fair to blame Ramsay for people committing suicide. Besides, when you have as many reality shows as Ramsay does, some people are going to die from the same causes. Statistics like that are gonna happen. But I wish reality shows caused similar deaths. I’d be cool with everyone who’s ever been on “American Idol” dying of AIDS. It would be a shame to lose cute girls like Carrie Underwood and Katherine McPhee, but that’s a price I’m willing to pay.

In the upcoming Season 6 premiere of Hell’s Kitchen, host Gordon Ramsay does his usual act of being a profane dickhead, and one contestant — a former Marine — gets up in his face and offers to take him outside and beat his ass.

Contestant Joseph conflicts with the shouty chef from the outset, refusing to eat an undercooked vegetable without a fork (“I’m not an animal”) and grimacing at the prospect of a luxurious seaside reward lunch (“This isn’t what I’m here for”). But after performing as one of the best players on the men’s team, Joseph wigs when Ramsay makes his usual simple request to name two of his teammates for elimination. Contestants have stood up to Ramsay’s bullying before, but not like this. [The Live Feed]

Of course, Ramsay bitched out.  He’s a big tough TV guy crossing his arms and swearing at everyone and treating people like crap, but his authority comes from the cameras and people’s fear.  Anyone who’s survived Marine boot camp thinks that Gordon Ramsay couldn’t berate someone out of a paper bag.  We cornered the market on profane dickheads, buddy.  Marine drill instructors have taken yelling and swearing to a linguistic plane beyond the English language.  Some British twat isn’t going to intimidate us.  THESE COLORS DON’T RUN, BABY!  **puts 9/11 sticker on V-12 Ford F350**

Celebrity chef and “Hell’s Kitchen” star Gordon Ramsay made lots of friends in Australia this weekend, where he launched into an unprompted tirade against Aussie news anchor Tracy Grimshaw in front of thousands at the Good Food and Wine Show in Melbourne.  Ramsay called Grimshaw an ugly lesbian and, well, read for yourself:

When the crowd reacted with gasps, he said: “What? I’m not saying she’s a d—,” using a slur for gay women.

Ramsay also showed a picture of a woman — who appeared to be naked — on her hands and knees with the features of a pig and multiple breasts.  “That’s Tracy Grimshaw,” he told the audience. “I had an interview with her yesterday. Holy crap. She needs to see Simon Cowell’s Botox doctor.” [...]

Ramsay appeared on Nine’s “A Current Affair” and was interviewed by Grimshaw on Friday night.  During the interview, he commented on Grimshaw’s facial mole, asking: “Is that a wart? It looks like your little sister’s on your lip.”

Okay, so all of that was wrong to say, but can we get back to the picture he held up?  A picture of a naked woman on her hands and knees with a pig’s face and multiple breasts?  I’m really intrigued by that.  Like, why does Gordon Ramsay even have that picture?  How did he get it?  Because let me be the first to tell you, it doesn’t pop up on a Google Image Search of “naked pig woman.”