If Mike Tyson’s show about pigeons (“Taking on Tyson”) wasn’t enough for you, don’t worry, because Animal Planet has added another series to the “fading celebrities with birds” genre. It’s called “Heidi Fleiss: Prostitutes to Parrots,” and the show will be about the former Hollywood Madam’s dark art of turning hookers into macaws. No, not really.

“With her home covered in bird poop and monthly bills for the birds soaring into the thousands, the former madam must balance her need to tend to the birds at home with the necessity of leaving them to earn a living outside of it. With multiple businesses and jobs to focus on, Fleiss spends her days shuttling from the laundromat she owns, to the doggie daycare she is set to open. But, as the anxiety at being away from her birds increases, and the pressure to hire a staff to care for them rises, will the stress of life drive her back to drugs?” [EW]

Ooohhhh, I hope so!

Speaking of drugs, Heidi’s love of parrots — and love of meth — was documented in her appearance on “Celebrity Rehab,” where she admitted to Dr. Drew that she smoked meth just before coming to the show. Man, what a life she’s led. Hookers and parrots and prison and meth and assaulted by Tom Sizemore. That’s spicy livin’. I can’t say that I’ll ever like Heidi Fleiss, but she’s certainly not dull.

I’m not sure whether this is happy or sad: Muvi TV in Zambia is airing a reality show called “Ready for Marriage” that tries to find husbands for former prostitutes. The winner will have her wedding paid for and receive a cash prize of $9000, while all 18 contestants are guaranteed a consolation prize of at least $1000 and a job that doesn’t involve having sex for money.

“We want to make a difference to women’s lives. These are people, after all,” [show] spokesperson Coreena Paulina said…

The reaction of viewers in the capital, Lusaka, has been mixed. ”Once a prostitute, always a prostitute. It is very difficult for them to just change overnight,” one viewer, Humphrey Banda, said.

You know, if more people in America had Humphrey’s unforgiving attitude, maybe the Kardashians wouldn’t have TV shows. Get that man a visa! I’d even let him crash at my apartment. As long as he doesn’t mind hookers, that is.

A serial killer targeting Craigslist prostitutes has such a sophisticated understanding of investigation techniques that police now suspect the killer may work within a law enforcement agency. The killer — responsible for at least four bodies that turned up on Long Island — made a series of calls to taunt the victims’ families, always from a disposable cellphone in a highly-trafficked public place. In each case, he kept the phone call to less than three minutes to prevent police from pinpointing his location.

A series of taunting phone calls made to the teenage sister of one of the victims… were made from in or around some of the most crowded locations in New York City, including Madison Square Garden and Times Square…

The locations, detectives say, were probably chosen because they allowed the caller to blend into crowds, so that if investigators pinpointed his location from the cellphone’s signal, they would be unable to pick him out of the crowd using any nearby surveillance cameras, one of the people said.

This fact, as well as the killer’s use of disposable cellphones to contact the four victims who have been identified — women in their 20s who advertised their services on Craigslist — suggested to some investigators that the killer was well versed in criminal investigative techniques, gleaned either through personal experience or in some other way, and could even be in law enforcement himself. [NYT via Gizmodo]

Those are only the details the NYPD was willing to release; apparently, there are other aspects to the killer that reflect a “CSI”-like expertise. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is reason #23,742 why “Craigslist hooker” is an ill-advised career -path.

A poll conducted by The Hollywood Reporter and Penn Schoen Berland found that most Americans are totally fine with Charlie Sheen doing briefcases of cocaine, nailing hookers, and abusing women. If that sounds insane, keep in mind that “Two and a Half Men” is the most popular sitcom on television. Some of the highlights:

*26 percent actually view Sheen “much more” or “somewhat more” favorably after hearing recent news about him.
*90 percent of “avid fans” don’t think drug and alcohol abuse problems matter as long as Sheen does a good job on the show.
*Among all viewers, 28 percent of men say CBS and Warner Bros should remove Sheen, 42 percent of women say CBS and Warner Bros should remove Sheen.
*82 percent of women say they will still watch Two and a Half Men despite Sheen’s personal problems compared to 76 percent of men.
*59 percent of all viewers believe that Sheen isn’t acting on the show but actually just playing himself.
*62 percent say media should leave him alone. [THR]

I don’t think I’ll ever understand the “let this guy illegally abuse drugs and women in peace” backlash against the media. It’s like, hey, you think I want to cover this guy’s coke-fueled porn orgies every day? Well, I do. I absolutely do. My entire blogging career has been building up to Charlie Sheen burying a hooker in a shallow grave outside Las Vegas.

Charlie Sheen spent Christmas with the people he loves most: hookers. According to Radar Online (so be skeptical about the report), Sheen skipped out on three separate family engagements in order to do cocaine and nail prostitutes. Which, to be fair, is all he wanted for Christmas. Or any day ever.

One year after being arrested on domestic violence charges in Aspen, Colorado, the Two and a Half Men star was nowhere to be found at family events where he was expected.

“He skipped going to his brother Emilio’s, didn’t show up at Denise Richards‘ house and also skipped seeing his daughter Cassandra,” a source close to the family said.

I wonder how you go about getting Christmas hookers. Do you have them come over the night before so you can wake up with them on Christmas morning? Do you order them in advance so they show up on Christmas morning? Or do they show up at noon after you’ve had the chance to open presents and have a cup of coffee? Personally, if I had “Two and a Half Men” money, I’d make the pimp show up in a Santa Claus outfit and deliver the girls to me in a sack.

[via Celebitchy]