All three of HBO’s current shows (“Hung,” “Entourage,” and “True Blood”) have been renewed for subsequent seasons, but I can’t help just pick out the parts of HBO’s announcement that sound like they are referring to Thomas Jane’s enormous “talent” on “Hung.” For example:

“The size of these shows have broken into the popular culture in a way we haven’t seen in a while,” said HBO co-president Richard Plepler. “…we were the newbies. It was tough. It was a much more stressful session for us two years ago.” [Variety]

See, once you got big penis jokes on the brain, it’s easy to skew. Truth be told I am a big (like 9 ½” uncut) fan of all three shows (yes, even “Entourage” — suck it, Ufford) so the news makes me tumescently happy.  As the receiving end of these throbbing shows I hope I can live up to HBO’s assertion:

“‘Resilient’ is the way I’d describe how the business has held up,” Plepler said.

Okay, that one was a stretch. (Get it? A stretch!?  Never mind, I was leaving anyway.)

Wait, I thought “Battle of the Bulge” was a FOX reality show?

Right on the heels of HBO’s “Hung,” a show about a man who becomes a prostitute because his penis is big, MTV is making “Hard Times,” a show about a teenager with a big penis.  Original!

[The] show chronicles the hellish life of RJ Berger, a desperately unpopular 15-year-old.

When RJ’s anatomical gift is dramatically revealed in front of the whole school, he goes from anonymous to famous and finds his first sliver of confidence. But he also has to deal with a best friend trying to capitalize on his newfound fame, a student body with no shortage of cruel jokes and an insane home life.

Actually — and it kills me to say anything remotely positive about MTV programming — this is a way more interesting (and realistic) premise than “Hung’s” grown-up-loser-becomes-gigolo.  So good work, MTV.  Unoriginal and interesting is a nice change of pace from your routine of unoriginal and sh-tty.

(By the way, I apologize for using a military history reference for the image.  For some reason I didn’t quite feel like doing an image search for BIG TEENAGE COCK.)

“Hung” is a new show premiering on June 28th that stars Thomas Jane as a high school teacher with a big penis.  Sounds like the beginning of a pretty good porn, but it’s actually an HBO original series intended to be a dark comedy.

Ray Drecker (Jane) is underpaid, uninsured, and embittered that his wife of 20 years (Anne Heche) has left him for her dermatologist.  After a fire damages the run-down Detroit home [Is there any other kind? -Ed.] he inherited from his parents, Ray’s fortunes reach an all-time low when his twin children, who had been living with him, move in with their mom and her clean-freak hubby.  Lonely, run-down, and at wit’s end, Ray attends a local self-help class whose mantra is to identify a “winning tool” to market for financial success. [HBO]

The series is directed by Alexander Payne (Sideways), and I can firmly say that this looks a little flaccid.  I’m not trying to be a dick, but I have a bone to pick with the writing: the main character is too impotent, leaving the viewer unsatisfied.  Boner cock throbbing erection.

[TV Squad]