The “Jersey Shore” cast is scheduled to arrive in Italy on May 9th, and the mayor of Florence has done everything he can to inhibit the cast short of passing anti-tan legislation. Mayor Matteo Renzi reportedly placed the following limitations on the show’s producers:

* No shooting in bars, clubs or any place that promotes the reckless consumption of alcohol.

* The cast is prohibited from drinking in public on camera.

* Florence may not be portrayed as a drinking town.

* And the cast must interact with authentic Italian people in authentic cultural settings — thus avoiding the city’s hordes of tourists and students. [NY Post]

Hmmm… authentic Italians in authentic cultural settings, eh? Sounds to me like they’re going to spend a lot of time at the pizza parlor. “Ay! La Situazione! Vincenzo! And Miss Jennifer, bellissima like always! (*double kiss and five-second grope*) Why you no visit last week? You break-a mi mamma’s heart! She worry sick about you! Come, come. I make-a you perfect pizza pie. Ah, but no vino! We no wan’ people think Italians drink too much, no?”

That screencap is from the Italian variety show “Buona Domenica.”  Despite it being entirely in a language I do not understand whatsoever, I think I can say without hyperbole that it is probably the best show currently on television (regardless of what fellow fill-in Jon Bois thinks about “Louie”).  If you go to YouTube, there are dozens of clips from this show, all featuring scantily clad, busty women in tiny dresses doing activities designed solely to put them in naughty positions.  It makes the objectification of the models on “The Price is Right” look like chivalry of the highest order.

In the clip the screencap is taken from, for example, the spokesmodel plays a game where she and her heaving breasts run around and bounce in an attempt to stuff a suitcase full of random bric-a-brac within a time limit.  When the three of them fail to do so, they are forced to stand under a high school chemistry class-style safety shower.  Are you watching this, NBC?  I know you were hit with the news that Leno’s ratings have been sagging.  What better way to peak ratings and penises in the highly sought after 18-34 year old male demo?  You just replace the monologue, headlines, crappy sketches, Jaywalking, and celebrity interview parts of the show with sexy hijinx like this.  Also, fire Leno.  BOOM, ratings success.

I should really have my own network.

After the jump, another sexy video from the show where the same model tries to surf in a different tiny, low-cut dress. Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s video of Mike Tyson’s recent appearance on Italy’s “Dancing with the Stars” (watch below). I suppose there’s some humor in his lack of grace with partner Elena Coniglio, but to me it’s just depressing. Now, I understand that “DWTS” no longer carries the inherent D-list shame it used to, and I respect that Tyson’s on a long road recovering from his professional fall from grace, a long addiction to drugs, financial ruin, and the death of his daughter. But that still doesn’t make the former heavyweight champ’s awkward waddling to music any easier to watch. It’s like, Dude! Wasn’t footwork part of your JOB at one point in your life? This is the equivalent of me becoming illiterate in twenty years. Which, given my drinking, isn’t all that unthinkable.

Read the rest of this entry »

The delicate flower pictured here is Carmen Masola, who appeared on the premiere episode of “Italy’s Got Talent” as the token Susan Boyle “troll with a golden voice” character. Wow, a fat lady who’s good at singing opera? What a shocking development. This must be the first time in recorded history such a thing has happened. From Variety:

Carmen Masola, a decidedly non-photogenic former newsstand agent, competently belted out the “Casta Diva” aria from Vincenzo Bellini’s “Norma,” leaving co-host Gerry Scotti teary-eyed.

“Ay! You sing-a so pretty!”

But Corriere della Sera columnist Aldo Grasso echoed many critics when he complained the talent show had “no experimentation, no research, no new ideas: They are just mechanically adapting this foreign format to an Italian context.”

Grasso added, “It’s just like ‘Britain’s Got Talent, but greasier. Ayyyy!” (Full video below)

Read the rest of this entry »