I don’t know, people. I don’t know what’s happening here. I don’t know which Asian country is responsible for this, I don’t know what product this commercial is advertising, and I don’t know why someone thought faces painted on fat guys’ bellies would be an effective way to move product. All I know is that these:

…will be replacing the giant Easter Island heads that chase me in my nightmares.

(thanks, kind of, to Tucker for the tip)

It’s been a while since we’ve checked in with Japan for a dose of insanity, and I was surprised to learn that I’ve been completely unaware of a series of SoftBank commercials that use a white dog named Kai as its spokesperson. Spokescanine. Spokes, uh, anthropomorphized dog. I’m not sure what to call him, because he’s the father of an otherwise human Japanese family. Some people might be creeped out by a woman marrying a dog and having children with it, but in all fairness, Kai is a pretty damn handsome dog. Not many people can look suave wearing a safari hat in an urban setting.

Anyway, I’ve got a couple of the SoftBank commercials below. I have absolutely no clue what’s going on, but I love it.

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Japan never ceases to amaze me.  As a Western observer, the country appears to be a nation of contradictions.  Their pornography includes some of the most vile and disgusting acts imaginable, yet they pixelate the genitalia.  They’ve got one of the smartest, most technologically advanced societies in the world, but they are endlessly delighted by the most base entertainment possible (as clicking the JAPAN tag will verify).  If the world was a 5th grade class, Japan would be the awkward math whiz who giggles incessantly at the fact that the number 80085 looks like BOOBS on his calculator.

Case in point: the video the banner pic is taken from (clip after the jump).  Looking at it, you’re probably thinking, “Hey DG, is that a clip from a Japanese television show where two guys are just BLASTING a smiling model in the face with shaken up champagne?”  Yes.  Yes it is.  And that in itself would be worthy of a post here.  But there’s another part to it – and this is where Japan really separates themselves.  The clip is filmed with a state of the art, super high speed camera.  They took a pretty impressive technological advancement, and used it to document an act that crosses the misogyny of rap videos with a giggly, almost innocent, perversion.  Kinda like using the Hubble telescope solely to peep into girls’ locker rooms.  Which, by the way, I would in no way put past the Japanese.

All that is to say this: I seriously considered just embedding the video, writing “Champagne B-kkake,” tagging it BEST POST EVER and clicking publish.  Because seriously, watch the clip:
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Whoa, this is freaky. This image of the “World’s Biggest Glutton” was published in a Japanese children’s book called World’s Greatest Wonders in 1971, and the resemblance to Hugo “Hurley” Reyes from “Lost” (played by Jorge Garcia) is absolutely uncanny. Click to enlarge the side-by-side:

I mean, it’s got the details down to the chicken and the terrible facial hair. I guess the time travel in Season 5 wasn’t so far-fetched after all.

(Via the nightmarish children’s illustrations of Gōjin Ishihara at Pink Tentacle)

Meet Wall Dog, the dog who sits on a wall. You can’t really tell from the banner image, but that wall is a good five feet high, and Wall Dog uses some sweet parkour moves to get on top of the wall.

This delightful canine comes courtesy of — where else? — Japanese television (watch the clip below). I’ve come to realize that I’m secretly Japanese at heart. I enjoy simple animal humor, sushi, drunken karaoke, schoolgirls with huge breasts, groping women on a crowded subway, dolphin slaughter, the occasional cartoon tentacle rape — you know, all of life’s simple pleasures.

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