As much as I loathe Jay Leno — I think he’s basically the guy the characters in Idiocracy would look at and think, “We’re headed toward an Idiocracy — he’s had a particular hold on both David Letterman and Conan O’Brien. In fact, both of their careers are, to different extents, defined by Jay Leno. Leno weaseled his way onto “The Tonight Show” ahead of the rightful heir, David Letterman, and then he weaseled his way back on after he retired by ousting Conan O’Brien. Both Conan and Dave are clearly bitter about it, although I think Conan a little more: He’s fallen further, and I don’t think Conan can go five minutes without mentioning the ordeal. I think it’s fair to say, however, that both have had a hard time letting it go.

So, it was fitting that last night the two would finally get together — for the first time in 13 years — to commiserate about their shared disdain of Leno. It’s funny: The only time I’m really ever that interested in the late night shows anymore is when they’re talking about this stuff, but it is fascinating to me. Even though I don’t keep up with their shows as much as I once did — I was once religious about watching both “The Late Show” and “Late Night” — I’ll always have a fondness for both Dave and Conan, and here it feels like two greats telling war stories. It’s great TV.

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As previously discussed, our girlfriend-who-doesn’t-know-it-yet Alison Brie appeared on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,” wearing an outfit straight out of “Speed Racer.” She made a balloon animal for co-guest Garry Shandling (SO much sexual tension) and discussed working as a clown for her first show business job and having “a thing for” the bearded lady who taught a circus class at her college. (Alas, she didn’t go to clown college, so I can’t reference this.) She also said she used to work in Compton, which naturally led to:

You’re a saint, Chet. Oh, Alison also talked about getting a nude massage, if that’s your thing. Which it is, because you’re reading Warming Glow. Clips below (just put a piece of cardboard on the right side of your screen).

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Modern Family (ABC) — In this week’s installment of “Manny is the Worst,” the gang packs up and heads to Disneyland for what I’m sure will be 22-minutes of shameless product placement.

Don’t Trust the B—- in Apt. 23 (ABC) — I liked this show a lot more before I found out that Krysten Ritter has never seen “Dawson’s Creek.” I just don’t know if I can trust someone in my age bracket who hasn’t seen “Dawson’s Creek.” Maybe she grew up without electricity or something.

Survivor (CBS) — It’s the penultimate episode of the season (the two-hour finale is on Sunday). I’m just glad we’ve avoided, so far, one of those silly reward challenges where Jeff cracks out the movie screen, gives the winners popcorn, and tries to pretend that watching a few clips from an upcoming Adam Sandler movie is supposed to be considered a reward.

Around the World in 80 Plates (Bravo) — Another cooking competition show on Bravo? They’re really diluting their “Top Chef” brand with these (“Top Chef Masters’” Curtis Stone hosts). This one has chef contestants traveling around the world and participating in culinary challenges relating to regional cuisines. I mean, I guess. If there’s nothing else to watch this summer.

Betty White’s Off Their Rockers (NBC) — Tonight’s episode, no lie, will feature guest appearances from Wink effing Martindale and Batman’s Adam West. THIS SHOW IS GETTING TWICE THE RATINGS OF “COMMUNITY.” What is wrong with people.

LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: I would never, ever otherwise recommend you watch Jay Leno, but see tweet above. ONE TIME EXCEPTION. Letterman has Eva Longoria, who probably won’t be telling stories about being nude; Kimmel has Steve Harvey; Howard Stern is on Fallon, probably to prattle on about that damn reality competition he’s a judge on now; and, interestingly, Anna Wintour is on Colbert.

Parenthood (NBC) – Season finale. My lifelong distrust of Dax Shepherd aside, the episodes of this show that I’ve caught have all been really good. Tonight’s finale, titled “My Brother’s Wedding.” looks like it’s going to grab your heartstrings and try to rip them right out of your chest.

Justified (FX) – WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THE DUDE IN THE BEDROOM? SERIOUSLY. I AM GOING TO GODDAMN SCREAM IF I DON’T FIND OUT SOON. GEEZ.

American Idol (FOX) – A two-hour episode. Look, if you want to watch a bunch of showoffs sing pop songs for two hours tonight, just go to a karaoke bar. At least then you can get all dumptrucked and blow the roof off the place with a rousing rendition of the greatest karaoke song ever, “Suspicious Minds” by Elvis Presley.

Cougar Town (ABC) – If you’re a Nielsen viewer, please watch this show. Or just leave ABC on when you go out to do that karaoke thing we just talked about. You have a duty to your country. For every one good comedy we lose, we’re adding two weapons-grade goon parades. It’s not right.

White Collar (USA) – Season finale. I like how the one guy in the fancy hat knows everything about everything and is also good at everything. Here ends my official review of “White Collar.”

The Amish: American Experience (PBS) – One nice thing about making a TV show about the Amish is that you can say whatever the hell you want about them. It’s not like they’ll ever see it. [points to head] I’m a thinker, folks.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Someone from “Dancing with the Stars” on Kimmel (please be Urkel); Nathan Lane and Pauly Perette on Letterman; Mehmet Oz and Carrie Keagan on Ferguson; Betty White, Ken Marino, and Young Jeezy on Conan; Khloe Kardashian and Rob Schneider on Leno; and Don Cheadle and Jennifer Westfeldt on FalHOLY CRAP DID THAT SAY KHLOE KARDASHIAN AND ROB SCHNEIDER ON LENO? Good Lord, that sounds like a revolting hour of television.

Sometimes people give Joan Rivers a hard time, usually for the massive amount of plastic surgery she’s had done over the years, or her role as E!’s fashion critic for the big award shows. And, yeah, she didn’t exactly sound like a peach to work with in this revealing interview with her former manager. Fine. I’ll give you all that.

I am willing to concede all that because, every now and again, she will do something that simply delights me. Like, for example, making a terrific documentary about her life. Or getting high and drinking hot tub water out of a shoe. Or, as she does here, going on television and trashing three of my least favorite comics: Jay Leno, Dane Cook, and Chelsea Handler.

I don’t care what anybody else says, Joan. You’re all right with me.