Yesterday, Lindsay Lohan taped a “surprise” interview with Jay Leno that will air on this evening’s “Tonight Show.” You can watch the preview clip below, but it’s not worth the time you’ll waste sitting through the preview commercial.

In case you’ve been buried in a cave without wi-fi for the last six years or so, Lindsay has spent her entire adult life snorting cocaine, drinking excessively, smoking cigarettes, not wearing underwear, chasing a lesbian lover, and dodging jail time despite several arrests and convictions for DUI and drug possession. In this clip she seems apologetic for those mistakes, stressing “I’m not a kid anymore. I’m 24.” And it’s funny that she mentions that, because that’s the same age I was when I led a tank platoon over the Kuwait border into Iraq. In other words: go to hell, Lindsay Lohan.

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We didn’t get around to covering NBC’s cancellation of “The Paul Reiser Show” after just two episodes on Friday, because I was traveling and Danger Guerrero rightly covered stories about stabbings and sexual assault instead. But the unfunny turd did indeed get flushed, according to The Hollywood Reporter:

The comedy premiered to 3.3 million viewers and a 1.1 rating in the adults 18-49 demographic, ranking as the network’s lowest-rated in-season comedy bow ever. Its second episode didn’t fare any better, collecting 2.5 million viewers and a 0.9 in the demo.

If my memory serves, that’s the fastest cancellation since “Lone Star” last fall. Mmmmm… that’s good schadenfreude. Full-bodied and robust, with chocolaty hints of gloating. Delicious.

For those who already miss the presence of Reiser on television — and the numbers say there aren’t many — he’s booked as one of Jay Leno’s guests tonight (Reiser famously wrote about what a nice guy Leno is during NBC’s late-night fiasco with Conan O’Brien). It puts Reiser in the unusual position of being scheduled to promote a canceled show. Oh well, instead of a plug I guess we’ll just have to settle for the naturally hilarious comedic banter between Jay Leno and Paul Reiser. It’s must-watch TV, assuming you only have three channels and the other two are showing snuff films and Holocaust footage.

Harvard’s Hasty Pudding Theatricals brags that it’s the oldest college acting troupe in the nation, which is maybe a half-step above the honor of “Most Rockin’ a Capella Group.” Traditionally, the dumb wiener college kids of Hasty Pudding select talented entertainers as their Man of the Year (previous recipients include legends like Clint Eastwood, Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, Martin Scorcese, and Paul Newman). This year they picked Jay Leno.

In 1977 Leno made his first appearance on “The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson,” who was the 1977 Man of the Year. Leno took over as full-time host in 1992. Leno has never stopped touring on the comedy circuit and still averages over 150 gigs a year, including weekly shows in Las Vegas. Through all of his success, Leno continues to keep in touch with people by shaking hands and getting “one-on-one” time with audiences. Perhaps this is why he continues to exude the “everyman” style and personality. As an acclaimed comedian and television show host, Leno joins the likes of Johnny Carson and Bob Hope on our list of Man of the Year recipients. [Hasty Pudding]

Of course, Harvard is where Conan O’Brien got his start as the editor of the Harvard Lampoon, and since these kids are supposedly smart, the only possible explanation is that this is an elaborate prank against the Lampoon.

In other, more talented collegiate comedy news, Steven Colbert will return to his (and my) alma mater to give the commencement speech at Northwestern this spring:

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Howard Stern was on Piers Morgan’s not-Larry King show last night, and Stern shared some shocking opinions about Jay Leno that would have been extremely timely 12 or 13 months ago.

He’s not fit to scrub David Letterman’s feet. I don’t know why he’s beaten David Letterman in the ratings. It’s beyond my comprehension. America must be filled with morons, who at night lay in bed, the ones that are watching him must be in a coma…

[on Conan] If I was Jay Leno, I would’ve manned up. I would’ve said, “Listen. Conan, you think you’re so good? I’m gonna go to Fox network, or I’m gonna go to ABC, and I’m gonna put my show on, and I’m gonna kick your ass. THAT’S what a man does. You don’t sort of weasel your way back in.”

I don’t like Jay personally. Jay was one of the greatest stand-up comics, in my opinion, when he was younger. But I do not like the way he’s behaved with me personally. I’ve done his show many times in the past; I won’t do it again.

I mean, yeah. I agree with Stern, but it just seems like piling on at this point. C’mon dude, just put some Penthouse Pets on the Sybian (link is NSFW video).

I’ve only seen Louis CK perform live once, but even then, I got the impression that at any given time, he could let loose 40 minutes of material and barely even notice. His delivery seems so damn effortless. My writing doesn’t even come across that natural and I’ve got time to think about it and edit it. Not that my time is ever used that productively. Too many bouncy Shakira gifs to gawk at.

Anyway, Louis was a guest on The Tonight Show on Friday and, despite having to bat off a few of Jay Leno’s inane questions, was able to be thoroughly entertaining. Enough so that I forgot momentarily that I was even watching Leno. But now the realization has sunk in and I’m starting to hate myself. Small price to pay for 10 minutes of solid material, I’d say.

The three parts of the interview can be found beyond yonder jump.

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