The Secret of GNIVIRD KNURD

02.02.11 Written by Brandon

“Burn Notice” star Jeffrey Donovan caught a huge break in his DUI case, cutting a deal with Miami prosecutors to plead down to a lesser charge of reckless driving.

Donovan was arrested for DUI in 2009 after peacefully driving home without incident. Then, later that night, he watched a video tape of an incident that showed him almost crashing into a cop car, then telling the officer, “The only mistake I made tonight was drinking Benadryl with 3 glasses of wine.” He screamed “That’s not true! That’s not true!” but nobody would listen to him.

According to court documents filed in Miami, because Burn Notice is also real life, Jeffrey was sentenced to six months probation and ordered to pay more than a $1000 in fines and other charges. If he’d been convincted for DUI, he would’ve faced six months in prison. No word yet on what sentence he faces for having a blood orgy, eating an owl and killing those tourists at Coffin Rock.

I’m trying to make jokes here, but Jesus Christ, what was Blair Witch 2 even about.

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WHOOPS

07.21.09 Written by Matt

jeffrey-donovan-mugshotI’m a vehement opponent of drunk driving, but hypothetically, if you ARE going to drive after a few drinks, a good piece of advice is to not screech your tires while swerving to avoid crashing into a cop car.  Unfortunately for “Burn Notice” star Jeffrey Donovan, this advice arrives too late.  Radar has this error-filled fabrication:

After [Donovan] crashed into a Miami Beach Police Cruiser on July 11 around 11:50 pm he refused a breath test.

“I really think I’m only borderline and not too drunk – the only mistake I made tonight was to drink Benadryl with three glasses of wine,” Donovan said on the way to the police station…

“I asked the defendant if he was alright to which he answered – ‘Sorry I didn’t see the red light or your stop car,’’’ the officer [wrote].

Radar also links to the police report, in which the officer claims that Donovan said “stopped car” not “stop car” — and also SAYS NOTHING WHATSOEVER ABOUT A VEHICLE COLLISION.  In fact, it explicitly states that Donovan swerved to avoid hitting the police cruiser.  So the people at Radar are either liars or idiots.  Or, more likely, both.

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I PROMISE TO START WATCHING THIS

05.22.09 Written by Matt

burn-notice-hed

Several people with excellent taste have threatened to do bodily harm to me if I don’t start watching “Burn Notice,” so I thought I’d mention that season 3 will premiere on June 4th on the USA Network.  It stars Jeffrey Donovan as an ex-spy stuck in Miami (not a bad place to get stuck, frankly) after the government terminates his contract and Gabrielle Anwar — who has a lifetime awesome pass for Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead — as a former IRA operative and his ex-girlfriend.  Even better, it features fellow lifetime awesome pass-holders Bruce Campbell and Tricia Helfer (the former for Evil Dead/Army of Darkness, the latter for her Playboy shoot).

Judging by the promotional photos, the show is about lounging around by the pool in cool clothes, but the trailer (after the jump) seems to indicate there’s a lot more going on, like roundhouse kicks and explosions and chicks in minidresses wielding shotguns.  Sounds a lot like my life.  The lounging part, I mean.

burn-notice1burn-notice2burn-notice3burn-notice4burn-notice5burn-notice6

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