The Marriage Ref (NBC) — I’ve been needing an excuse to use this picture of Seinfeld. Tonight’s panel features Jimmy Fallon, Sheryl Crow, and Kirstie Alley, and the lead-in is two hours of “Office” re-runs. Nice, I don’t have to watch TV tonight.

Bones (Fox) — New episodes return tonight. I’ve come to realize that this is basically “CSI: Castle” — or, more accurately, “Castle” is “Bones, She Wrote.” The formula for both shows: underrated sneaky-hot chick + square-jawed actor with previous role on a Joss Whedon show = instant cult following.

Real Housewives of New York City (Bravo) — I’ve grown to dislike these women the most out of all the other Housewives franchises, because media coverage makes them harder to ignore. This is YOUR fault, Page Six.

The Fugitive Chronicles (A&E) — Series premiere. Description from Yahoo: “This original docudrama brings to life the most compelling fugitive captures in recent history. Each one-hour episode dramatically reconstructs an infamous manhunt with gritty reenactments, fugitive narratives recreated from real testimony, and exclusive taped interviews with law enforcement officials.” Not my thing, but true-crime fans’ll probably like it.

The Vampire Diaries (CW) — Everyone I know who watches this is a girl. Does that make it a bad show? Yes.

The Tonight Show (NBC) — Justin Bieber is a guest tonight. As I understand it, America supposedly has a case of Bieber Fever, but I’m not really sure what he does. Does he sing? Is he an actor? No, don’t tell me. I actually don’t want to know. Side note: I’ve got a nasty case of beaver fever, which is something entirely different.

“And what is the DEAL with married people arguing?” Ha ha, good one Jerry.

The Marriage Ref (NBC) — Series Premiere. Oh, you thought the 30 minutes on Sunday were terrible? It’s a FULL HOUR, people. And that’s tonight’s panel: Seinfeld with Tina Fey and Eva Longoria Parker.

The Office (NBC) — Anyone out there still watching this? I guess Pam gives birth tonight. And we get it for a full hour instead of “30 Rock.” Yay. (creepy image via here and here)

CSI: Original Flavor (CBS) — A member of the band Rascal Flatts is electrocuted by his own guitar in a (sadly) fictional story. Doesn’t “Rascal Flatts” sound like the worst apartment building ever? It should be an abandoned double-wide overrun with squirrels.

Burn Notice (USA) — Season finale. Awww, I always get sad when good TV shows have their season finales.

Project Runway (Lifetime) — I admit, I kind of miss watching this show. This is YOUR fault, Lifetime.

Real Housewives of Different Places (Bravo) — The O.C. women have their finale, immediately followed by the season 3 premiere of the New York City broads. Guhhhhh.

Archer (FX) — New episode tonight. “I’m afraid the lemur got into the pudding cups.” “Like I told you he would!”

This fall, NBC rolled out what might have been the best two-hour block of Thursday comedy programming in network history. However, after the Olympics, the Jerry Seinfeld-produced “Marriage Ref” gets added to NBC’s Thursday nights, and it. Looks. TERRIBLE. Wow. Like, I’m almost impressed by how unfunny it seems.

Basically, Tom Papa hosts a show in which married couples air a grievance against one another, and a celebrity panel (shown here: Seinfeld, Alec Baldwin, and Kelly Ripa) determines the argument’s winner. It sounds simple and boring enough, but the execution is especially lifeless and soul-sucking. I’ve always thought that Baldwin has enough to carry an entire show by himself, but “The Marriage Ref” disproves that theory in the span of 30 seconds. I’d rather volunteer at an abortion clinic next to a munitions factory in Arkansas than watch this show.

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The season finale of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” that aired on Sunday night included Larry David watching the culmination of the “Seinfeld” cast’s reunion on “Curb” — an actual (albeit abbreviated) episode of “Seinfeld.” I’m not sure that sentence makes any sense, but the point is that it’s pretty cool to see the “Seinfeld” gang reprise their roles over a decade after the show ended.

You can either enjoy it at face value, or you can put on your thick-framed glasses and deconstruct the layers of meta surrounding the fact taht Larry David’s life provided content for “Seinfeld.” Aren’t you cool with the way you coldly analyze humor. You must be a huge hit at parties.

[More at the Huffington Post, video via Buzzfeed]

UPDATE: Bonus “Curb” clip below. Read the rest of this entry »

Below is a montage of every single Kramer entrance from Seinfeld, via popwatch.

I tried to watch the whole thing, but I had a seizure and started hallucinating.  Michael Richards appeared to me and said, “I will grant you one wish.”  Then after I made my wish he said, “I’m not a genie, you shillelagh-hugger.  You get nothing.”  Then he disappeared in a puff of cigar smoke.  Damn.  Now who’s going to shoot the Black Eyed Peas into the sun for me?

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