After being away for a few weeks for various seasonal celebrations (thanks, Jesus and/or Maccabees) and other holidays (thanks, having dreams), the GIF of the Week feature is back. Today, we’ve got animated selections from “Archer,” “Justified,” “30 Rock,” “Parks and Recreation,” and the greatest Lifetime Original Movie ever (bitch).

Yay indeed, Leslie.
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Sigh, if only this was on MTV tonight, not that other show.

Jersey Shore (MTV) – Please, don’t even watch this ironically. Forgot I mentioned it. Just pretend that it’s 1991, and MTV’s airing an episode of “Yo! MTV Raps.” I expect big things from the Public Enemies.

Project Runway All Stars (Lifetime) – They used to film “Project Runway” at my college. True story.

American Stuffers (Animal Planet) – Who needs shows about living, breathing, not dead animals when you can instead watch a series about people stuffing not living, not breathing, definitely dead animals? You can’t exactly put a live squirrel on the mantle, can you?

The Vampire Diaries (The CW) – It’s not as tame as Twilight (no religious subtext), but it’s not quite as sexxxy as “True Blood” (no Deborah Ann Woll); it exists in some CW melodramatic in-between, where the vampires don’t sparkle OR orgy. What’s the point?

Hollywood’s 2012 Diet Secret Revealed, Lose 30 Plus Lbs (Bravo) – You’ll have to stay up until 4:00 a.m. to know the secret, but I bet it’s worth it. Unless the secret is: lose 30 pounds. In which case, uh duh.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Tina Fey, Jeremy Irvine, and the Barr Brothers (I imagine two brothers dressed up as Roseanne – am I right?) on Letterman; Michelle Williams, Josh Lucas, and Chris Cornell on Leno; Tracy Morgan, Chris Paul, and tUnE-yArDs on Kimmel; Tom Selleck and Daniela Ruah on Ferguson; Rachel Maddow, Fred Armisen, and Sharon Van Etten on Fallon; Mindy Kaling, Johnny Galecki, and Tom Papa on Conan; Craig Shirley on Stewart; and Steve Case on Colbert.

After three weeks of interminable re-runs, Christmas specials, and dead air, the winter television season often has a way of sneaking up on us. It begins in earnest tonight, and lest you get caught off guard with new and returning shows, here’s a handy guide on what to keep an eye on and what you should avoid in the month of January.

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I probably should be writing about Stephen Colbert’s fantastic guest editorial in the South Carolina newspaper The State, but it’s the day before Christmas Eve/fourth night of Hanukkah/Eddie Vedder’s birthday, and I don’t want to think about anything that matters. Today, I’m all about: Candy canes! Reindeer! J Woww’s bikini!

While Snooki’s off getting sued for $7 million, J Woww has not only launched her swimsuit line for Perfect Tan Bikini; she’s also defied gravity. There’s no way that the strapless bikini she’s wearing above should stay on. But it does, because of “Stick2U…[a] silicon based adhesive [that’s] activated by your body temperature, so the warmer you get in the sun, the more it stays in place.” I bet the scientists who developed Stick2U feel like the luckiest bastards in the world. Also: if you’re wondering if certain “enhancements” (read: ABNORMALLY LARGE BREASTS) are needed to wear the thing, the website’s FAQ helpfully answers, “No, the Perfect Tan Bikini can be worn with real or augmented breasts. Anyone can wear a Perfect Tan Bikini. Now we can all be Perfect!”

Between this and the photo of Sammi without a layer of rust on her face, I’m suddenly a lot more interested in season five of “Jersey Shore.” Birthday Boy Vedder knows what I’m talking about:

Look, I was about to write about the fact that the voice of super-hot old lady Helen Mirren is appearing in an episode “Glee” when it returns in January (as the inner voice of one of the characters), but then realized no one really cared. Then I was going to write about Ron Paul getting testy with CNN last night and walking off an interview over those racially insensitive newsletters, but then I got distracted by two things: The video above of a bullfrog licking an iPhone (which you have to watch to the end because it is awesome) and, after the jump, how weirdly hot “Jersey Shore’s” Sammi Sweetheart looks without makeup. Do not doubt me.

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