“Jesus got the gym and tan. But fix that laundry, son!”

How has it taken Seaside Heights townies until the taping of the third season to start complaining publicly about how “Jersey Shore” has supposedly ruined the image of their picturesque beach community? Apparently they were waiting on a rapper to get on the beach and shout at a crowd about Jesus on their behalf.

Nevertheless, two faith-based groups on Monday held a public event called Jesus Shore, which included a performance by Christian rapper Teon “Brother Remix” Willis. I believe he follows the teachings of Father Mashup.

Although the concert attracted a few dozen people, the filming of the controversial MTV show at the boardwalk in Seaside Heights continues to attract hundreds of fans who want to catch a glimpse of the cast and even appear in the background of the show.

Ouf. Tough luck, Jesus. When your religion loses out to the chance to walk aimlessly through a T-shirt shop while cameras are rolling, it’s about time you packed it in. Or at least deem it acceptable to kill Angelina.

“Is this a holy image… or a bucket of filth???”

We’ve all seen the “Image of Jesus/Virgin Mary on the window pane/toast/spilled bacon grease” story on the news before, but this montage of news clips covering variations of that story is staggering in its depth, organization, and general all-around awesomeness.  And think: all of these clips are from 2008 alone.  That’s a LOT of Jesus crammed onto toast and Cheetohs in one year.

Bravo to Everything is Terrible, the creators of this compilation.  I see Jesus in the fine work that they do over there.  Of course, when I see Him, He’s always riding a dinosaur and making out with another guy.  For whatever reason my religious visions never really catch on.

[via Videogum]

Earlier this month, “60 Minutes” notably landed the first interview of Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger and the crew of US Airways Flight 1549.  Unfortunately, CBS badly mishandled the coverage, according to one letter-writer who terrifyingly has the power to vote.

On the Feb. 8 “60 Minutes” program, we were captivated while viewing the Katie Couric interview of the crew and passengers of Flight 1549.

However, we were struck there was not one mention of God, who directs pilots of planes and secures the safety of passengers.

We have written CBS and asked them for more realistic programming. Help protect our freedoms. Write CBS about this.

**breathes into paper bag** Okay.  It’s gonna okay, people.  We can make it through this together.  All we need to do is protect our freedom by limiting the freedom of the press.  After that we can focus on making sure our heroes are more deferential to God.  Now let’s start writing letters!