Hm, how to phrase this without sounding the least bit political? Let’s try: yesterday, the President of the United States, who I can neither confirm nor deny is definitely not a Green Party member, appeared on a special taping of “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” at the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill. The Commander-in-Chief, who I probably have no opinion of, good or bad, slow jammed the news with Fallon and the Roots. The topic: keeping student loan interest rates low, something that the “Barackness Monster,” which is most likely not the name of a real monster, wants to do. MAYBE. I think that was handled without bias…

AND THEN HE DROPPED THE MIC, which is always the best thing to do ever. U-S-A! U-S-A!

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Photo Credit: ABC

Cougar Town/Dancing With the Stars (ABC) – ATTENTION MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN WHO PROBABLY DON’T READ THIS BLOG: Watch “Cougar Town” before “Dancing With the Stars” tonight. It is about people who sit around drinking wine and gossiping. You love that! (This entry brought to you by Stereotypes.)

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (NBC) – Fallon gets bumped up to the listings proper because he has the President on his show tonight. Don’t like it, other late night shows? Maybe you shouldn’t have thought about that when you were busy not booking the President. Hurts, doesn’t it?

Glee/New Girl (FOX) – Tonight is “Glee’s” Whitney Houston episode. Good to see we’re still exploiting and profiting off her death a full two and a half months later. A+ work, Hollywood.

The L.A. Complex (CW) – Series premiere. From TV Guide: “Hollywood dreamers seek stardom in this dramatic series set at a Los Angeles apartment-style motel.” So … it’s basically “Melrose Place,” yes? OK, cool.

The Biggest Loser/The Voice/Fashion Star (NBC) – You know, NBC turned into VH1 so gradually I didn’t even notice.

Dance Moms: Miami (Lifetime) – Two things: 1) How did “Dance Moms” get a spinoff? 2) I sincerely hope one of the judges (there are judges, right?) is David Caruso in character as Horatio Caine.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Amy Poehler and Wendy Williams on Letterman; John Cusack on Kimmel; Nobody reads these so let’s just say there’s a talking octopus named Ralph on Ferguson; Jack Black on Leno; and Metta World Peace is on Conan, fresh off elbowing James Harden right in the dome.

With the 2012 presidential election kicking into high gear, NBC and the White House announced this morning that President Obama will appear as a guest on “Late Night with Jimmy FallWHAT’S HE DOIN ON A COMEDY SHOW HE SHOULD BE FIXIN THE DANG ECONOMY. The show will be taped on Tuesday at the University of North Carolina, which is notable because North Carolina is an important swing state this yeOH I SEE HE’S GONNA TRY TO INDOCTRINATE OUR CHILDREN AS IF THESE LIBERAL IVORY TOWER UNIVERSITIES NEED ANY HELP. It’s not President Obama’s first appearance on a late night show, as he’s sat down with Jay Leno a few times, but it is his first appearance on the younger skewing show hosted by FaUGH I HATE LENO AND HIS STUPID RED STATE AUDIENCE THEY’RE RUINING ALL THE GOOD SHOWS LIKE THIS ONE I LOVE THAT NO ONE ELSE WATCHES. While there’s no official word on exactly what Obama will talk about on the show, it’s pretty safe to assume the recent controversy involving comments made by Ted Nugent will be addresTHESE RIGHT WING GUN NUTS ARE DANGEROUS AND SCARY AND ALL OF THEIR WORDS SHOULD BE TAKEN VERY SERIOUSLY EVEN IF THEY ARE SPOKEN BY A LOONY GUITARIST FROM THE 1980S. The show will also feature musical guest Dave Matthews Band, who will perform a live set for the college crowI LOVE DAVE I’VE SEEN HIM FIVE TIMES AND PLAYED HIS ALBUM AT THE OCCUPY PROTESTS IT REALLY HELPED US MAKE A DIFFERENCE. SHUT UP HIPPIE. NO YOU SHUT UP YOU CAPITALIST PIG I’M MOVING TO CANADA IF A REPIGLICAN WINS. GOOD RIDDANCE YOU SOCIALIST THESE COLORS DON’T RUN. AAAAARRRRGGHHHHHHHH.

I hate politics.

NBC, which placed 8th in the ratings last Thursday during “The Firm” (behind even Univision) has picked up several new pilots in an effort to dig itself out of its years’ long hole. The spectrum ranges from “decent idea for a show that won’t be seen because it’s on NBC” to “bad idea for a show that won’t be seen because it’s on NBC.” What we can promise you is that if you eventually love the show, it will most certainly be under a perpetual threat of cancellation. These are, however, only pilot pick-ups, and there’s no guarantee any of them will make it to series. Here are the highlights:

Downwardly Mobile: Roseanne Barr will be making her return to scripted television as a character that sounds very similar to her character in “My Name is Earl.” She would be the “proprietor of a mobile home park and surrogate mother to all of the unique people who live there in a challenging economy.” How timely.

Friday Night Dinner: This one has the best prospects for being an actually good show, as it comes from Greg Daniels (“The Office,” “Parks and Recreation”) and it’s another remake of a British series, this one about “a quirky family that has dinner together every Friday night.” David Koechner is the leading contender for the role of the father, although he’s not really all that “quirky.” Goofy, maybe.

Jimmy Fallon Untitled Project: This one has lame written all over it: It’s a multi-camera sitcom (and thus, most likely a laugh-track show) about “three thirtysomething guys who enjoy the adventures of parenting despite the fact they haven’t grown up themselves.” Yeesh. Just what television needs: More man-children.

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If you take Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert out of the equation, then the answer to the above question is probably yes. Over on the the AV Club, ahead of Jimmy Fallon’s third-year anniversary, Steven Hyden has come around to what I’ve been saying elsewhere since Fallon became the only network talk show host to come out of the Leno/Conan controversy unscathed.

Fallon’s transformation from widely derided lightweight—a man assumed to have secret knowledge of where Lorne Michaels keeps the bodies buried in order to continue getting such good jobs—to heir apparent to the King Of Late Night crown is complete and shocking. Jimmy Fallon is now so likeable that it’s actually a cliché to point out how likeable he is. Not only has he become the opposite of what he used to be, he’s made thinking otherwise seem mean-spirited. He is the puppy-basket of late-night talk-show hosts.

Hyden continues on to say that Fallon “has the brightest future of any late-night host.” I don’t disagree. As someone who grew up on Dave, disliked Fallon on “SNL” and hated his short-lived movie career, it took me a while to warm up to him, but now if I bother to watch any of the late night network talk shows at all, it’s always Fallon.

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