NBC, which placed 8th in the ratings last Thursday during “The Firm” (behind even Univision) has picked up several new pilots in an effort to dig itself out of its years’ long hole. The spectrum ranges from “decent idea for a show that won’t be seen because it’s on NBC” to “bad idea for a show that won’t be seen because it’s on NBC.” What we can promise you is that if you eventually love the show, it will most certainly be under a perpetual threat of cancellation. These are, however, only pilot pick-ups, and there’s no guarantee any of them will make it to series. Here are the highlights:

Downwardly Mobile: Roseanne Barr will be making her return to scripted television as a character that sounds very similar to her character in “My Name is Earl.” She would be the “proprietor of a mobile home park and surrogate mother to all of the unique people who live there in a challenging economy.” How timely.

Friday Night Dinner: This one has the best prospects for being an actually good show, as it comes from Greg Daniels (“The Office,” “Parks and Recreation”) and it’s another remake of a British series, this one about “a quirky family that has dinner together every Friday night.” David Koechner is the leading contender for the role of the father, although he’s not really all that “quirky.” Goofy, maybe.

Jimmy Fallon Untitled Project: This one has lame written all over it: It’s a multi-camera sitcom (and thus, most likely a laugh-track show) about “three thirtysomething guys who enjoy the adventures of parenting despite the fact they haven’t grown up themselves.” Yeesh. Just what television needs: More man-children.

County: On the drama side, this one has everything going for it except its premise. One of the best showrunners on television, Jason Katims (“Friday Night Lights,” “Parenthood”) will pull Jason Ritter off of “Parenthood” for this … ugh … hospital drama about “a group of young doctors, nurses and administrators in a frenetic underfunded and morally compromising LA County Hospital.” Another hospital drama is the last thing network television needs, but Katims hasn’t steered us wrong yet.

Daddy’s Girl: “Daddy’s Girl” has a somewhat interesting premise that was the subject of a huge bidding war but that will undoubtedly run out of possibilities by the 11th episode. It’s about “a young woman who returns home from overseas to find her father is seriously dating the ‘mean girl’ from her high school.”

Go On: This one I doubt even moves beyond the pilot stage. It’s about “an irreverent yet charming sportscaster who tries to move on from loss and reluctantly finds surprising solace from the members of his mandatory group therapy sessions.” Nielsen Families hate “irreverent yet charming.”

Next Caller Please: This single-camera gender comedy focuses “on a brash alpha male DJ and his new, plucky, feminist co-host set in the offices of a satellite radio station.” I don’t know about the premise, but it does come from Stephen Falk, a writer on “Weeds” and a former recapper for TelevisionWithoutPity.com, so it’d get the benefit of the doubt.

Animal Kingdom: Basically, it’s Gregory House as a veterinarian. Pass.

(Source: Deadline)

If you take Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert out of the equation, then the answer to the above question is probably yes. Over on the the AV Club, ahead of Jimmy Fallon’s third-year anniversary, Steven Hyden has come around to what I’ve been saying elsewhere since Fallon became the only network talk show host to come out of the Leno/Conan controversy unscathed.

Fallon’s transformation from widely derided lightweight—a man assumed to have secret knowledge of where Lorne Michaels keeps the bodies buried in order to continue getting such good jobs—to heir apparent to the King Of Late Night crown is complete and shocking. Jimmy Fallon is now so likeable that it’s actually a cliché to point out how likeable he is. Not only has he become the opposite of what he used to be, he’s made thinking otherwise seem mean-spirited. He is the puppy-basket of late-night talk-show hosts.

Hyden continues on to say that Fallon “has the brightest future of any late-night host.” I don’t disagree. As someone who grew up on Dave, disliked Fallon on “SNL” and hated his short-lived movie career, it took me a while to warm up to him, but now if I bother to watch any of the late night network talk shows at all, it’s always Fallon.

Here’s the thing: If Dave and Leno are cut from the same cloth as Johnny Carson, most of the rest of them are clearly molded after Dave — Conan’s more eggheaded, Ferguson is more acerbic, and Kimmell is more meat-headed, but they all seem to have a similar self-deprecating, mainstream “edgy” approach. Their shows are all nearly identical. They simply put their own spin and personality on the same format that has been in the works for 50 years: Monologue, segment, personal anecdote, interviews, musical guest, credits.

While Fallon has borrowed a lot of those elements, he’s put a strangely refreshing post-irony spin on them. He’s amiable and awkwardly charming in the way that the way the others are not. He tries new things, some of which fail, some of which succeed. But he’s not trotting out the same gimmicks to the point of tiresomeness. The guy plays board games with his guests for God’s sake.

What’s most refreshing, however, is his lack of irony. He’s not sarcastic. He’s not mean-spirited. He doesn’t put others down, and as much as I love Letterman, his brand of crankiness does not jibe with our current cultural landscape. I don’t want a bitter old coot railing about the problems of a monkey on a rock. At that time of night, I want a guy who looks like he’s having a good time, and Fallon’s good-natured, goofball spirit is infectious. He is, as Hyden describes him, “the puppy-basket of late-night talk-show hosts.”

It doesn’t hurt, either, that he has the best house band on TV in The Roots. Moreover, nothing on network late night TV has topped this in the last five years (except maybe Stephen Colbert’s rendition of “Friday,” also on Fallon’s show).

(Source: AV Club)

David Chang is awesome. Let’s get that out of the way first. As a chef, he is responsible for Momofuku, which is revered in foodie circles as one of the more creative and top-notch restaurants around. As a frequent guest on Anthony Bourdain’s Travel Channel show “No Reservations,” he is engaging and funny, and more than holds his own with Bourdain. And he also participated in this GQ story where he, Aziz Ansari, and James Murphy from LCD Soundsystem went to Japan and gorged themselves on fine food, drink, and conversation. Basically, he spends his life eating and drinking like a king, and hanging out with people many of us willingly pay money and stand in line just to be in a room with. I would trade lives with him so fast it would make all of your butts fall off.

As if all that wasn’t enough, earlier this week he appeared on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” to talk about bourbon, the brownest of the brown liquors. I love bourbon. As I type this I’m sitting less than five feet from bottles of Bulleit and Van Winkle Special Reserve, so this clip is so far up my alley it might as well come with a free autographed copy of The Sandlot. In it, Chang discusses his favorite bourbons, how to drink them, what some of them should be paired with, and whatever else comes to his mind. (On Elijah Craig: “Usually I’m double-fisting this and an American beer. I love American beer. All the beers Europeans make fun of — I think are delicious. We should be very proud of our crappy beer. It’s like water and you can drink a lot of it.”) Also, he drinks a sh-tload of booze and tells people not to drink Jim Beam with Coke, which is an important public service announcement. In that way, he’s kind of a hero.

Long story short: David Chang = Awesome. Bourbon = Also awesome. Me = Jealous.

via SFGate (thanks for the tip, Matt)

Last night on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon,” Tina Fey settled a beef with Roots’ drummer ?uestlove by eating a giant hoagie. As much as I want leave this post at that and hit publish, I will explain. The other night on the Bravo talk show “Watch What Happens Live,” ?uestlove had called out Fey, saying she was “never nice to The Roots” even though they’re both from Philadelphia. When she appeared on “Fallon,” she brought this up, saying her initial reaction as a Philly girl was to “key his car, drag him behind the Wawa” and kick his ass. Instead, they made up in the traditional Philadelphia way: they shared a huge hoagie.

As Uproxx’s resident Philadelphian, my official analysis of the whole situation is this: Wawa is the best. You don’t even know. It’s like the Wonka factory of convenience stores. (NOTE: If you try to come at me with some “So, what, it’s like a 7-Eleven?” bullsh-t, I swear to God I will cut you with a broken Yuengling bottle. Same for any of my fellow Eastern PA residents who bring up Turkey Hill or Sheetz. You would be unwise to test me.) They have delicious hoagies and coffee, as well as their own line of ice cream and ice teas. Without exaggeration, I would estimate that I went to Wawa for one thing or another no less than four times a week during college. It’s a little less frequent now, but BARELY. Usually, I get my standard order of one (1) foot-long chicken salad hoagie and one (1) half-gallon of ice tea. Sometimes I get chocolate ice cream, too. Seriously, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. Good Lord, now I’m getting hungry.

In conclusion, all you Californians with your In-N-Out Burgers can go jump in a lake. Wawa, son. Philly stand up.

“Hey, did you hear about this? This is in the news: the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-il, passed away on Saturday. Yup, yup, it’s true. They say he SMALL JOKE while WEARING SUNGLASSES, and it’s rumored that AMERICAN POP CULTURE CELEBRITY will take over.”

I hate late night monologues. Just everything about them: the set-up, the formula, the body swaying to indicate an “I’m just joking” demeanor, the conversational asides in the middle of the joke, the repetition of certain words and names, and most of all, the oh-so-topical punchlines. I don’t usually watch “Letterman” or “Kimmel” or even “Conan,” simply because I can’t stand the first 10 minutes of every show (I also don’t watch the other 50 when it comes to “Leno.”) The text above, that’s pretty much the route every late-night host took to tell their Kim Jong-il’s dead joke(s) last night. But can you match the joke with said host? No cheating! Here’s the first, with the other three — as well as the answers— after the jump.

Well, in North Korea, they announced the passing of their supreme leader Kim Jong-il, and his younger son will take over. At first, there was speculation that power could be passed down to Kim’s two sisters, Kourtney Jong-il and Khloe Jong-il…And Michele Bachmann, foreign affairs not her strong suit, when she was told of the Supreme Leader’s death, she said, “I didn’t even know Diana Ross was sick.” And Rick Perry, y’know, Rick Perry, Rick Perry didn’t fare much better. When he was told about Kim Jong-il, he said, “I never heard of him. Then again, I don’t listen to that rap music.”

Hey guys, huge international news, you guys. Kim Jong-il, the crazy leader of North Korea who hated us, that guy. He passed away over the weekend, and get this: his 28-year-old son, Kim Jong-un, is taking over. It won’t be easy, because he’s got some big sunglasses to fill. It’s going to be tough.

Hey, here’s something: you know that Kim Jong-il, you know who I’m talking about? The evil dictator of North Korea? Guess what: dropped dead. Yup, yeah. Thank you, Seal Team Six. Now everyone’s worried who’s going to take over for Kim Jong-il. They think it’s going to be his son, Kim W.-il. He’s also survived by his daughter, Kim Jong-dashian. And just about now, Osama bin Laden is probably showing Kim Jong-il around Hell. So now the only tiny tyrant left is Mayor Bloomberg.

Gotta talk about this shocking news. Big, big story. Kim Jong-il died yesterday. You all heard about that, right? They have not named his successor yet, but the rumor is that it’s going to be Ryan Seacrest. That guy gets EVERYTHING, and he says he can fit it into his schedule. This is the latest: yesterday North Korea leader Kim Jong-il died of a heart attack. That was the cause. No one knows what triggered it, but he apparently had a lot of money riding on the Denver Broncos. Crazy, strange facts are coming out about Kim Jong-il today: it’s being reported, this is true, that schoolchildren in North Korea were taught that Kim Jong-il did not urinate or defecate. That’s true, yeah, so today, most schoolchildren just assumed that their Fearless Leader exploded.

Answers below this picture of Jay Leno giving Krusty a bath:

1. Leno; 2. Fallon; 3. Letterman; 4. Conan

It was like 2000 all over again. Jimmy Fallon hosted “SNL” this past weekend and he brought along with him callbacks to his older skits (Barry Gibb! Cowbell!), as well as Rachel Dratch, Horatio Sanz, Chris Kattan, Tracy Morgan, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Will Arnett, and Jude Law (for some reason), for one of the show’s most enjoyable episodes in years. The cast’s energy level, inspired by Fallon’s infectiously gleeful presence, was extremely high, and everyone brought their A-game.

Fallon actually made for a better host than he ever did repertory player. Too often during his seven-season run on “SNL” from 1998-2004, he inadvertently hogged the spotlight — not just because of the mid-sketch giggling, although that didn’t help, but because he naturally (and unintentionally) mugged to the camera. That’s why he, and people like Conan, make for good talk show hosts; they need the attention on them, and they’re not afraid to do something and look silly for a cheap laugh. But this only works if the spotlight’s supposed to be on you and only you, not you and everyone else you’re acting with. On Saturday, it was all about Jimmy.

Just the best — no mention of the dumb “don’t make me sing/dance” sketch — on the following pages.

I find the Boston Teens, now Boston Twentysomethings, funnier than The Lovers, but not as amusing as DJ Joey Mack, Jarret of Jarret’s Room, and Barry Gibb. In other words, I didn’t hate that the show began with Fallon and Rachel Dratch as Sully and Denise, but I wasn’t ecstatic to see them, either. (Though I’m totally pissed they name one of their kids Squeezebox — I had dibs.)

This sketch, on the other hand, I really liked then (2000-2001 season) and love even more now. I have no idea why it’s funny (Tracy’s dancing? Horatio’s acoustic riff?), but it is.

Nasim Pedrad as M.I.A.=YES.

Never would have guessed they’d bring this one back. I just wish it had been Keith Richards in the mirror instead.

Fey, Poehler, Fallon, Meyers. In that order. My favorite part was Amy doing the “awooga” sound effect.

I hate everything about War Horse (from the play to Spielberg’s wet snot rag of a movie), so it was nice to see “SNL” mock how ridiculous the plot is. I mean, come on, it looks like the horse is crying! Having the sketch from the point-of-view of audience members Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig was a nice touch too.

I didn’t want to like this sketch, but I found myself laughing almost despite myself. The premise (Beethoven introducing his band the way a funk singer would) was solid, however, and all the musical and names puns were amusing enough (and Hitler!), in a dumb sort of the way. It seemed like something that would have felt more at home on Fallon’s talk show, though. But: the tuba shall now forever be referred to as “music’s answer to the fart.”

NBC’s comments section for this skit is great:

thank you. thank you. thank you. ive in florida. tebow is ok. jaguars new owner. Khan. Football is Football. sseason ticket holder and like the new owner already. wear your mustache with pride.

Its nice to see that Christianity can be so quickly mocked and seen as a joke. Why not mock Islam? Make fun of Jewish people? Because it isn’t the right thing to do. I can’t support a network that is openly hostile towards Christianity.

Started watching SNL back in the 70s so have been aware of your parodies for a long time. Must say this one was enough to make me never watch SNL, same crap I can get on the Leno Show. I would love to see you “cutting edge” comedians try this with a muslim. BTW, if you really think that Tebow expects God to carry him through the game, you’ve never watched football or him as QB. Why is it you can’t come up with better material. Since the 70s-80s, its the same concepts just differen

I’m as surprised as you are that no Patriots fans have cried foul at the depiction of Belichick as Satan. Yet.

When you’re a politician, you enter a dimension of reality where people criticize you for having beliefs that don’t line up with their own. That’s what happened last week to Tea Party presidential hopeful Michele Bachman, when she appeared on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” and the Roots played a Fishbone song called “Lyin’ Ass Bitch.” Bachmann seized on the opportunity to politicize the moment, demanding an apology from NBC and saying that Michelle Obama would never be treated like that. So NBC apologized, but Bachmann is unsatisfied because it wasn’t from the PRESIDENT of NBC.

Doug Vaughn, NBC’s senior vice president for special programs, wrote Bachmann a personal letter on Wednesday. He called the show’s choice to play a snippet of Fishbone’s “Lyin’ Ass B—-” as she walked on the show both “unfortunate” and “unacceptable.”

“Of course I accept the apology but my guess is that it would have been the president of the NBC that would have been apologizing not a senior vice president,” had a liberal, like Michelle Obama been the guest, she told KLIF radio in Dallas on Friday. [NY Daily News]

Jesus Everloving Christ. “Of course I accept the apology, but I kind of expected it to be printed on a GOLDEN PAPYRUS SCROLL.” How the hell is it possible that FEWER politicians are assassinated now than 50 years ago?

I don’t give a rat’s ass about this story, but it’s been all over the news cycle and I can’t ignore it any more. So here goes.

• On Monday, Ol’ Crazy Eyes Michele Bachmann was a guest on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.”
• For her entrance, the Roots played a Fishbone song called “Lyin’ Ass Bitch.” (video)
• Fallon apologized on Twitter, but has still been criticized for the song, which was The Roots played without the knowledge of “Late Night” staff.
• Roots drummer ?uestlove, who tipped off viewers to the song’s title with hints on Twitter, said that the song was intended to be tongue-in-cheek.
• Bachmann hasn’t gotten an official apology from NBC, so of course she took the opportunity to be politically divisive: “If that song had been played for Michelle Obama, I have no doubt that NBC would have apologized to her.”

If there’s a lesson here, it’s that politicians are the absolute worst late-night guests. Why bother getting embroiled in a mess like this when there are so many dogs that can do entertaining tricks? Hell, the dogs don’t even have to do tricks. I’d rather watch Jimmy Fallon pet a golden retriever for five minutes than watch him try to be interested in what Bachmann’s saying. This story blows goats.

When Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake teamed up with the Roots to perform “The History of Rap” last September, it was a blast — a fun and funny walk through some of rap’s most influential songs. Then they did a second volume this summer, and it was noticeably watered down. Four months have gone by since then, and now we’ve got a third edition (video below).

The performance is fine — it’s good, really — but it feels predictable. “Oh, here’s the part where they finish the medley in the audience.” And while I enjoyed Timberlake razzing Fallon about not having to use his AK, I was equally embarrassed to see them include a slice of “Jump Around,” the whitest rap hit of all time. C’mon guys, leave that one to the DJs working high school dances and boring people’s weddings.

Track list (thanks to Robopanda):

Run-DMC – “King of Rock”
LL Cool J – “Mama Said Knock You Out”
DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince – “Parents Just Don’t Understand”
De La Soul – “Me, Myself, and I”
JJ Fad – “Supersonic”
Sir Mix-a-Lot -”Baby Got Back”
Young MC -”Bust a Move”
House of Pain – “Jump Around”
Ice Cube – “Today Was a Good Day”
Coolio – “Gangsta’s Paradise”
Fugees – “Killing Me Softly”
Beastie Boys – “Sabotage”
Jay-Z – “I Just Wanna Love You (Give It To Me)”
Outkast – “Ms. Jackson”
Snoop Dog – “Drop It Like It’s Hot”
Kanye West – “Stronger”
Nicki Minaj – “Super Bass”
Naughty By Nature – “Hip Hop Hooray”

Warming Glow favorite Alison Brie was on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” Friday night to promote “Community,” and, you guys, she was like the most adorable thing ever. During her interview, she told Jimmy a story about encountering a coyote on the road during a jog and channeling her inner gorilla to scare it off, acting out the relevant action sequences. It was funny and charming, which is a hard combination to pull off in the traditional five-minute interview segments they do on late-night shows. (No really, Gwyneth Paltrow, tell us more about your drapes. It’s FASCINATIzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.)

The interview is after the jump, and ends with Jimmy saying, “You were super fun and I want to hang out with you more,” echoing the sentiments of the Uproxx community and creeps everywhere. Two groups that are FAR FROM exclusive.