Jon Gosselin gave an exclusive interview (or whatever that is) to RumorFix, during which he took some surprisingly reasonable shots at his ex-wife. Kate recently complained about her potential financial woes going forward now that her show is canceled, and Jon doesn’t want to hear any of it. He points out that she could get a regular job or sell the giant house, and that lots of people with kids get by without reality TV riches. He then goes on to talk abou-…

Wait a second. Kate’s show is canceled. Jon doesn’t have a show. This is a television blog. That means, since neither of them are actually on television anymore, I don’t have to waste another precious word discussing them on here. Maybe ever.

I’ll let this GIF sum up my feelings on this development.

GIF via Buzzfeed

Here are highlights to the year set to auto-tune, and I’m posting this video because I love how shallow and TV-centric it is. Ah, 2009. Remember all the important things that happened? Like Jon & Kate Gosselin’s marriage falling apart, Lady Gaga, Kanye at the VMAs, Octomom, Spencer & Heidi, Christian Bale’s meltdown, and Balloon Boy? Oh right, and our new president! He killed that fly!

Barack Obama: Uh, I also won the Nobel Peace Prize.
America: The noble what now?

I apologize in advance for writing his story in the laziest, most uninteresting way possible, but it’s really not worth decent writing. It’s not even worth the time I put into the Photoshop, totally awesome though it may be.

So Jon Gosselin got fired from the show he’s on. Then he acted to halt the show’s filming. Now TLC is treating him like the bitch he is. TLC’s statement:

“We are aware of Jon Gosselin’s recent statements, and remain deeply disappointed at his continued erratic behavior. He and the family were shooting as recently as last Friday, without incident, and his latest comments are grossly inaccurate, without merit and are clearly opportunistic. Despite Jon Gosselin’s repeated self destructive and unprofessional actions, he remains under an exclusive contract with TLC. Direct filming of the children has been currently suspended, pending further conversations between both parents.”

Okay, that’s it from me. This show no longer exists to me. You’ll never have to read about Jon and Kate or their little mongoloid children ever again on this site. Unless something really, really terrible happens to them. And I’m not talking about cancellation. I’m talking freak thresher accident. Does anyone out there sell farm equipment? Can we get some more threshers sent to Pennsylvania?  Do me a solid here. Just leave the threshers idling around the Gosselin house.

He’s like Obi-Wan, except a sh-ttier father figure

Jon Gosselin has bitched forever how he didn’t really like being on “Jon and Kate Plus 8,” and it’s been obvious from the start that the show indulged Kate’s passion for getting free stuff and capitalizing on the way her dried-up reproductive system reacted to fertility drugs. So good news for everybody, because TLC fired Jon and the show will move forward as “Kate Plus Eight.”

The show will now “include a deeper focus on Kate’s role in the family and her journey as a single mother building the next chapter in her life. TLC will continue its exclusive relationship with Jon Gosselin and he will continue to appear on the show, but on a less regular basis.”

“Given the recent changes in the family dynamics, it only makes sense for us to refresh and recalibrate the program to keep pace with the family,” Eileen O’Neill, President and GM, TLC. “The family has evolved and we are attempting to evolve with it; we feel that Kate’s journey really resonates with our viewers.” [THR]

Jon’s story, of course, is more likely to resonate with VH1 viewers, who are going to love his new show “A Shot at Love with Jon Gosselin, Assuming You’re Slutty and within Arm’s Reach.”

Meanwhile, TLC hopes to find a quick replacement husband for Kate and is reportedly looking to change the Gosselin family to the Gosling family. “Hey girl, go ahead and do that book tour. Baby-sitting your kids is like spending time with 8 little pieces of you.”

Everyone hates Jon and Kate Gosselin; I know that.  But I promise that I wouldn’t be bringing them up if this tabloid confession didn’t make my day.

Kate Major, the former Star reporter who left her job after she fell in love with Jon while working on a story about him, shared the romantic details of their affair:

“Jon said he couldn’t be seen having a girlfriend, so he told me to drive to a neighbor’s house after midnight, when the kids were asleep,” Major told the mag. “He said he’d pick me up on his four-wheeler, take me to his house and drop me off again at 6 a.m.”

What an old-fashioned gentleman.  “I don’t want to be seen with you, but I’ll pick you up on my four-wheeler and you can stay long enough for me to enjoy the secret poon.”  The only way this could have been better is if he had ridden a moped to get her.  That would have been a nice metaphor.