Gentlemen, are you looking for a romantic, yet inexpensive gift for your girlfriend (or boyfriend), wife (or husband, if you live in one of six states), or mother who you have an inappropriately close relationship with? If so, you could do a lot worse than to send them a Hamm-o-Gram. What is this miracle product, you ask?

A Hamm-o-Gram is like a classic telegram where you send a special someone a transcribed message, usually in letter form. It’s just like that except this message is always a picture of handsome actor, Jon Hamm (with a little something extra!)

No two Hamm-o-Grams are the same, they only cost $5, and a portion from each purchase will be donated to A Caring Hand. So, this Valentine’s Day, order one, dine on some Hamm & Buble, and put the Gram next to the bed. Your lady will love it because she’ll be thinking of Don Draper when you do the nasty later, and you’ll love it because it means season five of “Mad Men” is right around the corner. She’ll also owe you a Joan Hollo-bouquet, whenever that becomes a real thing. The flowers will be HUGE.

Rough times for January Jones. Everyone got sick of her as Betty Draper, then everyone hated her acting X-Men: First Class, and then she had a bastard baby with someone from that set. And this video from Jest (formerly Today’s Big Thing) isn’t going to help her out any, since these “Mad Men” scenes are much more enjoyable without her pouting and complaining and generally being a shrill harpy. Although, to Jones’s credit, she does a VERY good job of making Betty Draper unlikable.

Only way this could be improved: instead of merely erasing Betty, they should try replacing her with Joan.

It just makes everyone happier.

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This video has been just about everywhere by now, but I figure I might as well jump on the Don Draper/Facebook combination since those are nice little Internet buzzwords that are only a small step down from SCARLETT JOHANSSON NUDE SEX TAPE when it comes to web searches.

Anyway, there’s nothing too fancy about this: it’s just Jon Hamm’s famous “carousel” speech from “The Wheel” (the Season 1 finale of “Mad Men”), except the family pictures that he clicks through are replaced with the new Facebook timeline. It’s pretty good, I guess, but it doesn’t really blow my socks off — and not just because I’m not wearing socks (or pants). I guess I just don’t buy Don Draper having a Facebook page. Social networking would screw up all of his extramarital affairs.

You guys are never going to believe this, but a lot of people who appear on television for a living put on nice clothes to go to the Emmys last night. I’ll let you get to clicking through the pictures in a moment, but here’s a general overlook:

• Before you ask: yes, there are pictures of Christina Hendricks’s mountainous cleavage.
• There will be absolutely no discussion of the cleavage displayed by Ariel Winter (Alex on “Modern Family”). She’s 13. If I’m gonna get arrested for something like that, it’ll be for Chloe Moretz.
• Because I am occasionally not a total chauvinist pervert, I have included pictures of handsome male actors. Props to my lady readers.
• As I log more and more years in the blogging game, I’m less enamored with the “This beautiful actress is ugly” thing that bloggers and commenters like to do. They’re famous actors; I would happily have sex with any of them. Even Melissa McCarthy. Even Peter Dinklage. Even — and this will gross some people out — Gwyneth Paltrow.

All right. Get to clickin’. Those pageviews feed me.

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The Emmys were last night, and I’m going to have several posts talking about various aspects of the show and which actresses had the best cleavage and whatnot. But first, let’s talk about who won (and didn’t win) the little wingèd statues.

I’ve got a full list of winners below (with my sparkling commentary, of course), but here’s the short version: “Modern Family” is the only sitcom Emmy voters watch; Margo Martindale and Peter Dinklage got awesome wins for “Justified” and “Game of Thrones”; “Mad Men’s” sole Emmy was its fourth straight win for Best Drama; and “Friday Night Lights” finally got some recognition with wins for writing and lead actor (Kyle Chandler).

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