While there are those saying that Sarah Palin’s foray into televised hunting has only served to further tarnish her image as a true-to-life hunter and legitimate killer of things, that doesn’t mean she can’t impart what little actual knowledge of living off nature that she has onto the next generation of rusticated dimwits. And so in a TV crossover worthy of The Flintstones meets The Jetsons, Palin welcomes Kate Gosselin and her brood on the next episode of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” for some basic wilderness training. And, shock of shocks, Kate turns out to annoy everyone.

Then Kate and her kids land at the campsite. Quickly, Kate proves to be a bigger pill than a horse tranquilizer.

“I’m not worrying about bears right now,” she is soon grousing. “I’m just worried about keeping my toes wiggling ’cause they’re freezing.”

Sarah, daughters Piper and Willow, husband Todd and other family members seem to be having a blast. So, for that matter, are Kate’s youngsters.

“The kids are having fun, so I’m tolerating it, but this is my new home,” grumbles Kate, having sullenly planted herself, apart from the rest, beneath a tarp. “I am miserable, but, I mean, somebody’s got to be.”

That’s a good martyrdom complex. At least if you’re one of eight siblings, you have a fighting chance not to be the miserable one in that household. Though it should be for captivating television years from now when they can film the day when the other seven kids, now grown up, finally decide to free the outcast from his manacles in the basement.

I apologize in advance for writing his story in the laziest, most uninteresting way possible, but it’s really not worth decent writing. It’s not even worth the time I put into the Photoshop, totally awesome though it may be.

So Jon Gosselin got fired from the show he’s on. Then he acted to halt the show’s filming. Now TLC is treating him like the bitch he is. TLC’s statement:

“We are aware of Jon Gosselin’s recent statements, and remain deeply disappointed at his continued erratic behavior. He and the family were shooting as recently as last Friday, without incident, and his latest comments are grossly inaccurate, without merit and are clearly opportunistic. Despite Jon Gosselin’s repeated self destructive and unprofessional actions, he remains under an exclusive contract with TLC. Direct filming of the children has been currently suspended, pending further conversations between both parents.”

Okay, that’s it from me. This show no longer exists to me. You’ll never have to read about Jon and Kate or their little mongoloid children ever again on this site. Unless something really, really terrible happens to them. And I’m not talking about cancellation. I’m talking freak thresher accident. Does anyone out there sell farm equipment? Can we get some more threshers sent to Pennsylvania?  Do me a solid here. Just leave the threshers idling around the Gosselin house.

Everyone hates Jon and Kate Gosselin; I know that.  But I promise that I wouldn’t be bringing them up if this tabloid confession didn’t make my day.

Kate Major, the former Star reporter who left her job after she fell in love with Jon while working on a story about him, shared the romantic details of their affair:

“Jon said he couldn’t be seen having a girlfriend, so he told me to drive to a neighbor’s house after midnight, when the kids were asleep,” Major told the mag. “He said he’d pick me up on his four-wheeler, take me to his house and drop me off again at 6 a.m.”

What an old-fashioned gentleman.  “I don’t want to be seen with you, but I’ll pick you up on my four-wheeler and you can stay long enough for me to enjoy the secret poon.”  The only way this could have been better is if he had ridden a moped to get her.  That would have been a nice metaphor.

I hate Jon and Kate Gosselin stories way more than you do, but I’m relenting on my coverage ban on them because this is pretty gangsta: Jon is vacationing in St. Tropez with the DAUGHTER OF KATE’S PLATIC SURGEON.  And she’s 12 years younger than Kate.  Can we go to the judges?  Yep, that’s a burn.

Just weeks after splitting from his wife of 10 years, Jon Gosselin is back in the spotlight with a new career and a new girlfriend. Gosselin, 32, turned up in St. Tropez hand-in-hand with Hailey Glassman, the daughter of the plastic surgeon who performed Kate’s tummy tuck in 2006. The lovebirds spent the weekend along the French Riviera so Gosselin could finalize a deal to design his own line of children’s clothing with Ed Hardy designer Christian Audigier [on Audigier's yacht, no less]. Glassman will also have a hand in creating the kid-friendly fashions. “She’ll have a lot of input with Christian,” Gosselin told PEOPLE of Hailey’s involvement. “And I will, too.” [People via BWE]

I’m going to pretend for a moment that there aren’t eight children dealing with divorce right now, because that makes it way easier to say that this is AWESOME.  Even better: Hailey is your average pot-smoking, panty-flashing 22-year-old who crashes into potted plants.  He left the confines of his marriage with a stentorian control freak for the nearest party girl.  It’s so predictable and awful that I can’t help but feel an immense schadenfreude that makes me want to dance down the street and wave to strangers.

See you in hell, everyone!

While Jon and Kate Gosselin go through the ugly business of divorce, they’ve entered a rare period of media silence while their show goes on an unexpected hiatus.  And so Monday’s episode was a look back on their ten years of marriage that highlighted primarily the bright moments, which spurred Jezebel to make this video, a clip filled with signs of relationship doom. 

The immediate take on this is “Wow, Kate’s the most controlling awful bitch on the planet.”   And maybe she is.  But there’s also something to be said for Jon’s mastery of passive-aggressive behavior and lack of interest in raising eight toddlers. Hell, Jon wasn’t excited about having a third kid, then she was all,  “Surprise, we’re having six more!”  I’m not a marriage counselor, but I do like pointing out obvious things, so I think that might have been a turning point in the relationship.