NOTE: we’re going to try something to decrease the number of spoilers in the comments section, or at least contain them. When this post goes live, I’m going to start a thread called, “SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER.” If you have a comment that mentions the words “book” or “in a few episodes” or make reference to anything that hasn’t happened on the show yet, use that thread. It’ll be the one at the BOTTOM. If you post out of said thread with a comment that could be (and will be) construed as a spoiler, you’re banned. Deal? Deal.

There are two key scenes in “What Is Dead May Never Die,” the best episode of “Game of Thrones” so far this season, and both involve Tyrion, the very small man who casts a very large shadow, to paraphrase Varys. In the first, the King’s Hand tells three different plots to three different men (the Spider, Littlefinger, and Maester Pycelle), to see which one of his fake plans gets back to Cersei. It’s a brilliant strategy of finding out who he can trust in King’s Landing – or at least not completely distrust – and after he discovers it’s Pycelle who blabs, Tyrion sends the beardless rat to the Black Cell.

The second comes after Varys poses a riddle to Tyrion, about who a sellsword would side with if a king, a priest, and rich man, all with gold, told him to kill the other two. After Tyrion unsatisfactorily answers, the eunuch says, “Power resides where men believe it resides. It’s a trick, a shadow on the wall.” The five men fighting for power at the center of everything each believe that they’re the REAL king, and their task is to trick others, like Theon Greyjoy, into believing the same thing. It’s only if they play the game well enough, with behind the scenes assistance from people like Tyrion, will they win.

The wheels of power were spinning in “What Is Dead May Never Die,” and it feels like the season has REALLY begun. Bullet points below and GIFs after the jump.

• HODOR.
• When Lady Brienne of Tarth (but don’t call her that) was wearing her armor, she looked like Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
• The actor who plays Renly is doing the right amount of overemoting for such a ridiculous character.
• “My son is fighting a war, not playing at one.” CAT BURN.
• Spend enough time with the Lannisters, and you too will become a jerk, as we saw with Sansa. Though, to her credit, Shae is a terrible handmaiden.
• This Week in Tyrion’s Poopless Quest: Six days without pooping??? That can’t be good. Thus ends This Week in Tyrion’s Poopless Quest.
• The Queen Mustn’t Know sounds like a Morrissey song.
• Random question: when you see Aidan Gillen, do you think of Littlefinger or Tommy Carcetti first? (Or Stuart from “Queer as Folk,” I guess?) I’m still on Team Carcetti, but the gap is getting smaller.
• Margaery knows how to play the game better than Renly. Baby=People Having Faith in You=Power.
• I love how eager Bronn looked to cut Maester Pycelle’s balls and chain off. Also, line of the night: “There are no goats, half-man.”
• Scratch that, the REAL line of the night was: “There’s men out there who want to f*ck your corpses.” Greatest battle charge ever. That scene was so good.
• RIP Yoren. Once you delivered that monologue, you should have known your time was finished.
• Attractive Women of “Game of Thrones” Power Rankings: #5. Maester Pycelle’s Whore on the Floor, #4. Gilly, #3. Cersei, #2. Shae, #1. Margaery. Not even close.

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Hoo boy. Last night’s season finale of “Justified,” titled “Slaughterhouse,” was intense — and not just in reference to the “HOLY SH-T DID YOU SEE THAT?” moment that has been helpfully GIFed on the next page. I try not to be over-spoiler-y in these opening paragraphs, but I will say that the last ten minutes went a long way to explaining why Raylan is the way he is. I mean, sure it’s fun as hell to watch a dude in a cowboy hat run around Kentucky shooting people, but the truth is that he is one troubled hombre: violent, self-destructive, often stubbornly rebellious, etc. You don’t get to be that way without some deep wounds acquired during your formative years, and the line “I just saw a guy in a hat and I pulled the trigger” really drove home the extent of it all. It was a great way to wrap up another great season.

The highlights:

• Boyd just wants people to respect his abilities enough to know that he wouldn’t blow up a car he’s standing next to. Seems reasonable.
• The return of Harlan Roulette! (Love u so much, Wynn Duffy.)
• “I don’t recall promising you donkey squat.”
• Quarles going all Yogi Bear and ruining a perfectly nice picnic.
• “We didn’t invent the rules, baby. We just gotta play by them.” Boyd and Ava are turning into Bonnie and Clyde, and I love it.
• Boyd knows his rights, and Art likes the use of the word cahoots. I approve of all of this.
• YO. DO NOT THREATEN AVA. SERIOUSLY.
• Raylan reacting to the rail gun with “That’s cute” is the most Raylan thing possible.
• An important, and disgusting, discussion about pig tongue.
• “A half million ain’t ‘gettin’ outta your hair’ money. A half million is fighting money.”
• PIGGY BANKS. CLEAVERS. HOLY SH-T.
• Arlo pulled a Wee-Bey to protect his “family.” That’s messed up.

Well, that’s it for this season. As promised, we’ve got some great GIFs from Chet Manley on the next page, and writers VJ Boyd and Jon Worley will be joining us again in the comments throughout the day. I’m sure you all have lots of questions about last night (and where everything will take us going forward), so fire away. This should be fun.

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If “Game of Thrones” changed its name to “Game of Penis,” would anyone notice? It’s that manipulative male organ that drove most of the plots in last night’s episode, from Arya pretending to have one to blend in with a crew of outlaws, to Stannis sticking his in a witchy woman to solidify his power, to a pirate agreeing to help Davos as long as he “gets” Queen Cersei when the Lannisters fall, to Littlefinger and his double peephole voyeurism, to…I’m not going to talk about Theon and sister Yara yet because EWWWWWW. Anyway, the cast grew even larger in “The Night Lands” (the Iron Islands are just as charming as their name), and a small part of me is terrified that the show’s going to collapse like a horse in the Red Waste under the weight of approximately 684 different stories. But the other, louder part is confident that D.B. Weiss and David Benioff, not to mention George R.R. Martin and the ever-impressive cast, are talented enough that I have nothing to worry about.

• I think one of the reasons why everyone loves Arya is because she’s the most relatable character. If I were suddenly placed in the show, I’d act exactly like her: brave on the outside, terrified on the inside, and always carrying a sword called Needle.
• Which spin-off would be better: Tyrion and Varys in “Peeping Eunuch,” or “The Littlest Sellsword,” starring Tyrion and Bronn? I’d watch them both.
• But seriously, Littlefinger and Varys are so catty to one another, and Tyrion OWNS King’s Landing. Brilliant move putting Bronn in charge of the City Watch and shipping Janos Slynt to the Wall.
• Grumpkin?
• I want to cuddle with a direwolf more than anything else in the world.
• Sam is SO much better in the show than he is in the books.
• There were a lot of dead bunnies for an episode that aired on Easter.
• Joffrey Slaps: 0. If anything, he metaphorically slapped his mom with the baby slaughtering.
• The Daenerys stuff continues to be less interesting than everything else. They’re literally just waiting around, and when they’re not waiting, they’re walking toward nothing. In other words, NEEDS. MORE. DRAGONS. (again)
• This isn’t a spoiler, but in the books, Yara is named Asha. Anyone know why the change?
• The only black man on the show is a crook who wants to have sex with the white queen. DAS RAYCESS?
• Stannis’s table can’t be comfortable to have sex on.
• Note to babies everywhere: do NOT agree to appear on “Game of Thrones.”
• Attractive Women of “Game of Thrones” Power Rankings, Episode 2: #5. Theon’s salt wife, #4. Yara, #3. Cersei, #2. Daenerys, #1. Melisandre.

Again: no spoilers. Now let’s talk about how awesome Arya is and look at some GIFs.

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While Limehouse was doing his usual “pontificating while preparing pork products” routine last night, he said something that summed up this whole season pretty well: “Money brings together wayward personalities.” In search of some combination of an ill-gotten inheritance and Oxy-related riches, we’ve seen a troubled Detroit mobster, a backwoods criminal mastermind, a slick sociopath, a limping loner with an unexplainable haircut, a terrifying bacon-producing banker, the unpredictable father of a marshal, a battered woman turned pimp, and, now, a displaced orphan all become intertwined in a mangled, devious knot. And between last night’s episode and next week’s finale, it’s up to Raylan to somehow untangle the whole mess. I imagine he’ll just shoot it.

The highlights:

• NAKED SHOTGUN BONG HOOKER SPEEDWAGON TRAILER PARTIES WITH HOSTAGES (NOTE: This is my favorite bullet point of the whole season.)
• Boyd “Crazy Eyes” Crowder.
• Hey, did you know I wrote like 1000 words about Dickie Bennett’s hair last week? Because I did.
• “You’re the marshal. Isn’t that what you do?” “Yeah, it is. And this is how we do it.”
• Ava using her feminine wiles at the bank, with all the subtlety “of a marching band.”
• “I’m sorry, but he escaped from a disease ridden whore factory up in INBRED HOLLER.” “I’m gonna let that one go.”
• Wynn Duffy on Quarles: “Big stupid baby head.”
• “Salt … or pepper.” I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that a guy with a giant swastika tattoo would use this imagery, huh?
• Dickie Bennett, polite kidnapper
• “You’re just a stupid, craven, hillbilly piece of sh-t.” BAM.
• Loretta is not a Van Halen fan.
• CAR BOMBS. RAIL GUNS. INCOMPETENT HOOKERS. DEAD LAWMEN. DEMENTIA-RIDDLED WILD CARDS. OXY-SMOKING. TRAPS. DOUBLE CROSSES. Jesus Mighty, I love this show.

As per usual, GIFs by Chet Manley are on the next page. Also, we’ll be joined by both of our buddies from the show’s writing staff today. VJ Boyd will be dropping by around 12:30, and Jon Worley will be around sometime between 1 and 1:30. Feel free to load up your questions and comments and swing back throughout the day to see what they had to say. I’m equally excited about next week’s finale, and dreading it. Don’t leave me, Raylan and crew! I need you!

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I was out with friends this weekend, and after exchanging inane pleasantries with someone about the weather or something, our conversation changed to TV. I asked her if she was excited for the “Game of Thrones” premiere on Sunday. She said, “I haven’t actually started watching the show yet. Should I?” After resisting the urge to call my good friend Ser Ilyn Payne, I finally replied, “It’s pretty much the most awesome thing on TV.” That’s the only word I could think of to use, because while “Breaking Bad” is probably the overall best, and “Justified” definitely has the greatest hair, “Game of Thrones” is just AWESOME. It earns its “Just the Badass Parts” tag.

Even in its season two table-setting premiere, “The North Remembers,” which was relatively light with action (at least when compared to other “GoT” episodes), we were still treated to: baby murder, a fool having to drink an entire barrel of wine, a Madame teaching a prostitute how to have sex, references to incest, and Arya on a sick ox cart – all in the first five, and final five, minutes of the episode. Other highlights (and GIFs after the jump):

• Give it up for the Dink, who’s now first billed during the opening credits. He’s already won the Emmy.
• That walking pile of snake vomit, Joffrey…is not a good ruler.
• I already like Sansa more than I did all of last season.
• Hodor.
• The show is so darn gorgeous. I loved the shot of the camera spinning around Daenerys, to show her riders going off to scout three different locations. It also looks, to quote Mr. Dink, very expensive.
• Drogon, still adorable.
• Craster should really think about turning his shack into a bed & breakfast. He can use his skulls as bowls.
• Were any non-book readers confused about the Melisandre scenes? There wasn’t much set-up; writers David Benioff and D.B. Weiss expected you to follow along, and Davos the Onion Knight had a sudden entrance, too.
• We barely got to meet Stannis, but we do know he’s humorless and owns a fantastic table.
• So far, I’m most interested in the happenings at King’s Landing and North of the Wall. Rob’s never been my favorite character, though his scene with Jamie (and Grey Wind!) was tense, and Dany’s plight in the Red Waste is a bit slow. Needs. More. Dragons.
• Attractive Women of “Game of Thrones” Power Rankings, Episode 1: #5. Osha, #4. Cersei #3. Shae, #2. Daenerys, #1. Melisandre. It’s the hair.

Please discuss your favorite moments in the episode (there’s a lot I left out), but please: NO SPOILERS. If you’ve read the books, pretend you haven’t. Only discuss what happened in “The North Remembers” (believe me, it’s tough, but it can be done). Don’t ruin it for those who haven’t read A Clash of Kings.

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