Ahhh, tabloid headlines. How I love writing them. In an interview with Matt Lauer that will air next Monday, George W. Bush stated that Kanye West’s “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” comment during the Hurricane Katrina telethon was the worst moment of his presidency.

Lauer: You say you told Laura at the time it was the worst moment of your Presidency?
Bush: Yes. My record was strong I felt when it came to race relations and giving people a chance. And– it was a disgusting moment.
Lauer: You’re not saying that the worst moment in your presidency was watching the misery in Louisiana. You’re saying it was when someone insulted you because of that.
Bush: No — that — and I also make it clear that the misery in Louisiana affected me deeply as well. There’s a lot of tough moments in the book. And it was a disgusting moment, pure and simple.

There isn’t any way that I can poke fun at this without it getting political and igniting the typical flame war in the comments — especially on the day after an election — so let’s all just join hands and re-watch the epic awkwardness of Mike Myers’ facial expression when Kanye goes off script:

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Bryan Cranston hosted this weekend’s “Saturday Night Live,” an episode that was wholly unremarkable save for two electrifying performances by Kanye West. Believe me, there are few things I enjoy more than making fun of Kanye’s titanic ego, but his performances of “Power” and “Runaway” were so sharp and visually striking — he ditched “SNL’s” Grand Central Station stage for an all-white set and a fleet of ballerinas — that they looked like polished videos.

Notably, Kanye changed some of the lyrics in “Power” — he cut the line “F-ck SNL and the whole cast/Tell ‘em Yeezy said they can kiss my whole ass.” But given the dreadful episode (WOOF), he probably should have kept the lyric. Or at least told them that Warming Glow said they can kiss his whole ass.

Videos below. Watch ‘em now, before the fun police take them away.

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There’s an easy way to gauge if you’re too old to be cool: watch the VMAs. If you find yourself saying, “Who is that person?” and “Why are they wearing that?” and “This show used to be better!” and “This is music is terrible!” then you are old and not cool. You’re also correct, but that’s another story.

Anyway, the VMAs don’t warrant paragraph form. You get bullets:

• Lady Gaga won eight awards, most of them for “Bad Romance.” It’s the biggest haul since Peter Gabriel won nine for “Sledgehammer” in 1987, and it ties the mark for second-most awards by the legendary a-ha. Oh, and she wore crazy crap. But you knew that already (inset image via).
• Chelsea Handler is not good at comedy.
• During last year’s VMAs, I joked that if you were only reading about the show on Twitter, you would have thought that Kanye West raped Taylor Swift onstage, such was the moral outrage. This year, if you listened to Swift debut her new song in which she forgives Kanye, you would think Kanye raped her onstage.
• Best New Artist: Duh, Justin Bieber. He played the drums. What a cute little lesbian.
• Kanye’s performance (video below) was pretty cool. Or not. I don’t know any more. But he sings about drinking to douchebags and assh*les, and MTV didn’t bleep assh*les, which I thought was nice. Kids may as well know that “assh*le” isn’t a big deal to say, unlike our ad partners.

Anyway, when I look back on this night, I’ll always think, “Wow, I can’t believe Alex Barron cost the Cowboys the game with that holding penalty.”

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Here are highlights to the year set to auto-tune, and I’m posting this video because I love how shallow and TV-centric it is. Ah, 2009. Remember all the important things that happened? Like Jon & Kate Gosselin’s marriage falling apart, Lady Gaga, Kanye at the VMAs, Octomom, Spencer & Heidi, Christian Bale’s meltdown, and Balloon Boy? Oh right, and our new president! He killed that fly!

Barack Obama: Uh, I also won the Nobel Peace Prize.
America: The noble what now?

Taylor Swift will host tonight’s episode of “Saturday Night Live,” and before it airs I’d like to put out a call to see if anyone knows a good bookie. I need to get odds on Kanye West making a special appearance to jokingly interrupt Swift’s monologue. It feels like money in the bank to me. In fact, if the only “Kanye” they can muster for the show is Kenan Thompson in Louis Vuitton shades, I’ll be immensely disappointed. I just don’t think they’d make non-actress Swift the host without some kind of plan to incorporate Kanye into a skit.

Of course, I’ve been wrong before, as the countless strike-throughs on this blog can attest, so feel free to heckle me in the comments section when it turns out that Kanye’s in a Buddhist monastery in Kashmir. Otherwise, consider this your open thread to discuss the episode. I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon with a “What’s On Tonight” and Monday morning with highlights from “SNL.” Until then, sláinte!