Indie darling Zooey Deschanel may join her sister Emily (“Bones”) as the star of a Fox show. Deschanel is presently in talks to star in a single-camera comedy pilot for the network. More from Deadline:

The Liz Meriwether project, originally titled Chicks and Dicks, is described as a young ensemble comedy about the sexual politics of men and women. It centers on Jessica, a role that Deschanel is eying, an optimistic but unlucky in love elementary school teacher who, after her most recent break-up, moves out of her apartment with her ex and moves in with 3 juvenile guys.

Of course, this is still WAY too early in the process to get excited about anything — after all, the Zooey-as-rock-groupie show never happened. Being rumored to star in a pilot shouldn’t even be news, but I’m helpless to resist a story about one of the Deschanels — like a moth to flames, or my eyes to Katy Perry’s boobs.

(Jeez, as if Zooey versus her sister Emily wasn’t a big enough debate, now we have to debate Zooey versus Katy Perry, too? Twee indie talent versus huge tits in an obnoxious package: WHO YA GOT?)

More good news, you guys! Charlie Sheen is headed back to work on “Two and a Half Men” in two weeks! I dunno about all of you, but I’m really proud of Charlie for overcoming literally every single one of his porn and drug-filled briefcase demons. And in only three weeks! E! News got the scoop from his marvelously named attorney, Yale Galanter:

Galanter refused to comment on Sheen’s current rehab whereabouts, but he did say, “Charlie is fine healthwise and doing really well. Things are looking good. Everybody’s intentions are to get him back in the swing of things as soon as possible.

And despite recent troubles, Sheen’s family is sticking by him.

“They are a very close-knit family,” Galanter tells E! News. “Charlie has seen all of his kids since he was in the hospital. He is even spending time with the boys today.”

Now you hold on one second, Yale Galanter. He’s spending time with his children? Well, I’ve certainly turned the corner now. Is it too late to retroactively give him every Nobel Prize from the last six years? Because, I mean, advocating world peace and feeding the hungry are great and all, but Charlie Sheen hasn’t ordered an attaché case full of party drugs for a gaggle of porn stars in over a week AND NOW he is spending time with his biological offspring. He’s like Gandhi in a bowling shirt.

Oh, hey. Speaking of CBS, did you guys know Katy Perry was on “How I Met Your Mother” last night? I’ve posted a clip after the jump. I think we can all agree that, as an actress, Katy is really, really… talented. (*cups hands in front of chest*)

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In an odd and pleasantly sexy twist, Katy Perry appeared live as a guest star on Sunday’s Christmas episode of “The Simpsons.” The segment, in which she acted in person and the characters were puppets, was apparently intended to poke fun at her “Sesame Street” duet with Elmo that was banned because she was dressed too sexily. High time, I’d say, especially with the way Sesame Street just lets Abby Cadabby tart herself up.

And while having Perry in a tight dress and snuggling up with a couple of puppets is a cute, if somewhat toothless, premise, I’ll give it up for the show’s writers and producers for sneaking in a cunnilingus joke during the closing credits. I was actually shocked the show was able to get away with that. Then again, I’d like to think censors have decided society is richer for letting Moe Szyslak be as coarse as possible.

I will freely admit that I enjoyed “Glee” when it first started, and even now that it no longer suits my tastes, I can appreciate that it has cultural cache and tackles some teenage/high school issues that other shows won’t touch.

That said, this video of Darren Criss singing “Teenage Dream” might be the least appealing thing I’ve ever seen on “Glee.” An all-male a capella choir dances and sings an unnecessarily auto-tuned Katy Perry song while two gay teenagers make eyes at each other. It’s almost a perfect storm of things I don’t want to watch. I didn’t watch all the way to the end of the video, but if Criss finished the song by bashing a puppy’s head in, it is successfully the last thing on television I would want to see.

Amy Poehler hosted the season premiere of “Saturday Night Live” this weekend, and it was okay, I guess. I forgot to DVR it, so I ended up watching most of it on Hulu, except for Katy Perry’s musical performances, because if I wanted to make my ears bleed I’d just jab these ice picks into them.

Anyhoo, I suppose there was some okay stuff, like the hair restoration pubes and cameos from Justin Timberlake, Tina Fey, and Jimmy Fallon in the opening monologue. But the whole reason for writing about this episode at all is — of course — Katy Perry’s God-crafted tits. In the Bronx Beat sketch (featuring Poehler and a guest appearance by Maya Rudolph — video below), Perry poked fun at her “Sesame Street” controversy by playing a teenager with huge jugs in an Elmo shirt. Great, thanks a lot, Katy Perry. Now I can’t watch “Sesame Street” without wanting to give Elmo a facial. More than I already did before, I mean.

What’s that? You want animated GIFs of jiggling tits? Well, it just so happens that’s in my job description. My parents are so proud!

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