Real Divorced Housewife of New York Kelly Bensimon will appear in December’s issue of Playboy, according to a report from Aging Fake Tits Quarterly. The former model and bitchy egomaniacal socialite will thankfully be only semi-nude. Page Six says:

The magazine is set to publish semi-nude photos of Kelly Bensimon, 40, in its December issue, In Touch reports. “It becomes a big deal on the show,” which is currently filming, an insider said. “Kelly is telling everyone that she might be on the cover.”

Kelly also might win the Nobel Prize.  Assuming they award the Nobel Prize for Being Delusional.

No one in the glossy’s Chicago offices could be reached. But word is Kelly’s ex, fashion photographer Gilles Bensimon, took the photos a few years ago. One source said, “They’re sexy, but they won’t set the world on fire.”

I really can’t get over how much I loathe the entire “Real Housewives” franchise and how it glamorizes washed-up women being bitchy to each other. The word is I’m willing to take drastic steps to put an end to them. One source said, “He’s sexy, and he’s going to set the Bravo corporate headquarters on fire.”

Kelly Killoren Bensimon, the unmarried “housewife” who was added to this season’s cast of “The Real Housewives of New York City,” has continued her assault on castmate Bethenny Frankel, who is also unmarried, in case you were wondering if the name of the show is in any way accurate.

Bensimon, who last month was arrested for assaulting her boyfriend, opened up to Harper’s Bazaar, where she smoothed over some of her perceived rough edges.  Nah just kidding.  She was a total bitch.

On her response to costar, Bethenny Frankel calling her “inauthentic”:
“Is Bethenny a socialite? No. Will she ever sit next to Lauren duPont? No. Is she best friends with Aerin Lauder? No. Am I? No. Do I care? No. Does she? Oh, absolutely. She’s not authentic. All she does is sit there and cry all the time. I’m like, you’re crying about guys? And shut up. Honestly, if being inauthentic means graduating from Columbia University, writing three books, starting two magazines, bearing two children, being the ambassador for wool, running a marathon for charity — if that’s inauthentic? Tell me what authentic is.”

On why she agreed to “Real Housewives of New York”:
“I wanted to put my name up there. I was like, it’s not enough for New York to know me. I wanted the rest of America to know me. I have a great life. I have a lot of fun.”

Wow, what an amazing person.  And to think I wouldn’t have known how great she is if she hadn’t told me.  That was so nice of her.  We should really do something for her in return.  Like bury her in wet cement and drop her into the East River.

[via LIVE]

Kelly Killoren Bensimon, the 40-year-old “housewife” (she’s divorced and remains unmarried) added to this season’s “Real Housewives of New York City,” was arrested last week for punching her boyfriend, 30-year-old Nicholas Stefanov.

Bensimon… hit him “with a closed fist, thereby causing informant to suffer a laceration below informant’s left eye and substantial pain,” the criminal complaint he filed with police charges…

In an exclusive interview, Stefanov said he still loves Bensimon, but blamed stress from their recent engagement and the pressure of being on the show for causing her to snap.

Killoren Bensimon’s lawyer denies all of the allegations, and that’s good, because domestic abuse is a serious issue not to be taken lightly.  Unless it’s the man who’s getting battered, in which case full speed ahead!  You mess with a cougar, you gonna get the CLAWS, baby!  RAWR!!!