Embedded below are the promos Anna Faris recorded with Kenan Thompson for this week’s “Saturday Night Live,” which she’ll be hosting with musical guest Drake (the worst rapper since Ja Rule, and arguably worse because Ja Rule could at least scowl believably).

Although the promos are painfully unfunny (thanks, Kenan!), I still have hope that it will be a good episode, because Anna Faris is fantastic. She might be the best big-screen comedic actress of the last ten years, only she’s never been in anything truly great because most Hollywood writers have no idea that women are allowed to be funny. Sometimes when I get bored, I imagine Knocked Up with Faris in Katherine Heigl’s role, and the movie becomes 300 times better because the female lead is witty and likable instead of a sour-faced harpy.

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I’ve maligned my share of “Saturday Night Live” cast members over the years, but perhaps none more so than Kenan Thompson. But hey, somebody must like him, because he’s engaged to model Christina Evangeline, with the wedding rumored to be next month. Oh, I’m sorry, did I call Christina a model? Allow her Twitter to correct me:

I’m not a model. I never claimed to be. I had 2 layouts in maxim….for fun. I have a degree, ambition, for me, isn’t skin deep.

“I’m not a model. I just model for magazines and have a profile on a modeling website,” said the model.

And honey, you don’t have to talk about not caring what’s on the surface. You’re marrying Kenan Thompson. No one’s going to accuse you of being obsessed with looks. Or laughter.

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"...and then he bought me some shoes and called me pretty and told me my shoes looked great and bought me more shoes and we lived happily ever shoes."

For this week’s list, we sent Josh Kurp into the darkest realms of the Internet: fan fiction forums. But since the grotesque sexual perversions of geeks are well documented elsewhere, we gave him two restraints: 1. No slash fiction, and 2. No sci-fi or genre shows, because NERDS. As you’ll see, that still left plenty of terrifying room for child abuse, lynching, and haikus. -Ed.

After reading through seemingly hundreds of fan fiction stories based on television shows, most of which can be found here, I have to say: the human race is doomed. If the “mature” page for, say, “Six Feet Under” is any indication, we so-called civilized creatures are HUGE fans of murder and incest, sometimes in the same story. Below are excerpts from ten of the most disturbing fan fiction stories I found — non-sic’d, because I don’t have all day here.

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This weekend’s episode of “Saturday Night Live” (hosted by Emma Stone) featured two timely and well-executed skits: Kenan Thompson as Jimmy “The Rent Is Too Damn High” McMillan and a fake commercial for Brett Favre’s Open-Fly Jeans (videos below).

It pains me to admit it, but Thompson was great as McMillan (watch the original here). Since McMillan is such an easy target, I figured the character’s segment on Weekend Update would be lazily executed. But no: it’s well-written, not too long, and Kenan Thompson actually made me laugh. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the signs of the Apocalypse. Four horsemen, raining blood, Kenan Thompson being funny… oh well. It’s a nice change of pace at least.

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Precious star and cheerful fatty Gabourey Sidibe hosted “Saturday Night Live” this weekend, and it was okay, I guess. People always seem to love either bashing SNL as terrible or dismissing it as irrelevant, but I accept it for what it is: a decent way to pass the time. I’ve settled into a nice groove of watching it on Sunday and fast-forwarding through the commercials, musical performances, and particularly unfunny skits.

Anyway, Gabby’s not the best live entertainer, but what she lacks in live performance skills she more than makes up for with ebullience and arm fat. Highlights of the episode included the public employee of the year sketch, Bill Hader breaking character during Weekend Update, and Kenan Thompson as Steve Harvey hosting “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” (video below). I feel so ashamed every time I find Kenan Thompson funny. I need a comedy priest to hear my confession. “You are forgiven, my son. Watch two episodes of ‘Archer’ and tell thirty fat jokes.”

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