Kendra Wilkinson, star of E!’s “Kendra” and former indentured sex servant, will be writing her memoirs.  My proposed title: The Old Man and the C-cups.

“The memoir will be a humorous, relatable, fish-out-of-water tale that captures the spirit of one of the most beloved Playboy cover models in history,” says the [press] release.

Adds Jennifer Bergstrom of Simon Spotlight Entertainment: “Kendra is so genuine and funny that her memoir is sure to be unique, refreshing, and a reflection of the woman so many people have fallen in love with.”

It will also be written in crayon.  Can’t wait.  I look forward to reading how many different ways “Then I got naked and jiggled my boobs” can be expressed in prose.  America fell in love with Kendra for her eloquence, after all.  She’s like William F. Buckley with tits.

“Kendra” has been renewed for a second season.  It comes as no surprise, as the reality show documenting the life of the former Playboy model/Hefner accessory and her relationship with Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett has been a huge success for E!, giving the network its strongest debut since “The Anna Nicole Show” began in 2002.  It draws about 2 million viewers an episode (twice the time-slot average from a year ago).

“We saw a marriage in Season 1, and now we are going to see Kendra navigate the unfamiliar waters of being a newlywed and a new parent all at the same time,” said Lisa Berger, executive vp original programming and series development at E! “We can’t wait to be there with her every step of the way.”

The network also plans to air two specials in December, when the couple’s first child is due and Kendra moves to New Jersey to live closer to Baskett year-round. [THR]

I’ve finally figured out why I don’t really care about Kendra.  It’s because she’s just Jenny McCarthy 2.0, repackaged 15 years later to be a reality star instead of a TV host.  And this new Jenny McCarthy model has changed the way most products have since the mid-’90s: smaller, sexier, and dumber.

Twelve-year-olds love my Photoshop skills

I had a hard time convincing myself that this story deserved its own post, because Kendra Wilkinson having unprotected sex hardly seems like news, but it seems like a I should address the fact that Kendra and fiance Hank Baskett are already expecting their first child.  Sex before marriage?  Well I never!

“Hank and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our first child together,” she [said]. “We are touched by the outpouring of support by our family, friends and fans.”

Wilkinson, 23, and Baskett, 26, announced their engagement last November after the pro footballer popped the question at the top of Seattle’s Space Needle.

What a month for these two! Besides this happy news, the couple’s wedding is set for June 27 at Wilkinson’s former abode, the Playboy Mansion. And Kendra, her new post-Girls Next Door show premiered Sunday, scoring E!’s second-highest rated series debut ever with 2.6 million viewers.

So, uh, someone told her she’s not supposed to drink when she’s pregnant, right?  I can’t imagine that’s going to go well.  For her kid, I mean.  For me it’s great.  I’ve been meaning to hone my fetal alcohol syndrome jokes.

Kendra (E!) — The not really awaited solo debut of Hef’s most charmingly idiotic Girl Next Door.  Ever seen a hot blonde bray like a donkey?  Tonight’s your chance.

Brooke Knows Best (VH1) — This is the least accurate name for a show since “Everybody Loves Raymond.”  Get f-cked, Raymond.

NBA Finals: Game 2 (ABC) — I’m not really rooting for either side, but it would be nice if the Magic actually showed up to play this time.

Denise Richards Colon It’s Complicated (E!) — In an attempt to drum up attention for the new season of her show, Denise admitted to having breast augmentation surgery three times — the first time when she was only 19.  I didn’t pay much attention to it.

Pushing Daisies (ABC) — “Daisies” has an army of loyal fans who are all pissed that this is getting canceled.  I’m not too broken up about it — the bright colors and high sheen of the production keeps it from ever having any real sense of danger, which doesn’t really lend to a murder mystery.  Just my two cents.

World’s Tallest Children (TLC) — The more I think about it, the more TLC becomes my #1 choice for “TV channel headquarters I most want destroyed by a meteor.”

Bridezillas (We) — Season premiere.  I think “-zilla” is probably the greatest suffix in the English language.  It conveys such awesome power.  Just think how much cooler it made God.

“Kendra,” the aptly named reality show starring “Girls Next Door” star Kendra Wilkinson, debuts on E! this Sunday, and since L.A. still hasn’t woken up and generated some TV news, I’ve got a promo clip after the jump.

“Throughout the five highly successful seasons of the Girls Next Door, Kendra has developed a loyal fan-base with her outrageous personality and trademark laugh,” E!’s Lisa Berger said in a statement. “Now she’s faced with the reality of making it outside the gates of the Mansion and as Kendra’s fans are aware, you never know what she’s going to do next.” [NBC Philly]

Actually, you ALWAYS know what Kendra’s going to do next: get drunk and take her clothes off.  It’s 100% of why she’s so popular.  In uncertain times like these, the country needs reliable figures like Kendra.  Stalwart role models.  Dependable hussies whom you can count on to drink tequila from the bottle, shake their fake tits in front of the camera, and give lap dances to strangers.  **hums Battle Hymn of the Republic**

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