Pictured: Artist's rendering of divorce

You know what saying always bugged me? “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” It’s like, uh, yeah. You know who else shouldn’t throw stones? People who live in ANY house. Sure, the stones might not shatter your walls or roof, but still, you can’t just huck rocks all over the place — even if you live in a castle. You could break your TV, or your laptop, or maybe accidentally donk your roommate or significant other right in the face. Try to collect their share of the cable bill after that. AWK-ward.

If you ask me, maybe the saying should be something more like “People with deviant sexual fetishes shouldn’t live in glass houses.” That way they won’t creep out their neighbors. Unless, like, your fetish is to be an exhibitionist and you WANT everyone to see what kind of weird business you’re up to in there. Then maybe you should live in a glass house. But at least consider living somewhere a little more secluded if you’re gonna do that. I mean, this is America and you have a lot of freedom, but that doesn’t mean you can just sit around in your glass house with your ding-a-ling out in the middle of a neighborhood. There are kids around, you know? So I guess really the saying should be “Don’t throw stones and go live in the woods if you want to be a creep.” Yeah, that’s much more practical. I’m glad we settled that.

Admittedly, none of this has anything to do with that dingus Kris Humphries or his moronic “man cave,” but if I had actually tried to write about that I would have ended up throwing my computer into traffic. Plus, I think this was an important discussion to have. Thank you for your time.

Sup.

According to documents obtained by TMZ, Kris Humphries has responded to Kim Kardashian’s divorce petition by seeking an annulment. In the filing, he claims the marriage was a fraud.

Here is a picture I made of Rawls from “The Wire” giving McNulty cupcakes instead of middle fingers.

These are for you, McNulty. I baked them myself.

This is a video of Kim Kardashian’s mother, Kris, appearing on “The View” to promote her new book or perfume or fashion line or hair products or shoes or form-fitting feminine undergarments or whatever. Naturally, the subject of Kim’s divorce came up, and Kris began to cry while discussing it.

Here is a drawing I made of a dinosaur.

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were paid almost $18 million to get married. $15M for E! to televise it, $2.5M for exclusive photo rights to People Magazine, $300K for exclusive engagement announcement to People, $100K for bridal shower to OK!, and $50K for the bachelorette party in Las Vegas. Then you figure in the freebies: $400K of Perrier Jouet Champagne, three $20K Vera Wang gowns, a $15K wedding cake, $10K in lavish invitations, and more — all free. After 72 days of marriage, Kim filed for divorce.

As people with working cerebral cortices rightfully called out Kim’s marriage for being a money-making sham, E! and the Kardashian Kompany went into defense mode: E! released a statement denying any such claim as “completely false” — while at the same time adding re-runs of the wedding to its schedule. Mom Kris Kardashian took a break from hawking her new book to defend Kim, telling baldfaced lies across multiple channels that Kim made no money off the wedding. And Kim herself went on to her blog to say what a starry-eyed romantic she is:

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Comedian Rob Delaney (who you might recognize from the “MA Men” spoof of “Mad Men”) is awesomely suing Kim Kardashian (as well as E! Entertainment, Ryan Seacrest, and Comcast) for ditching her marriage after making millions of dollars off of her wedding. Delaney laid out a compelling argument in his Vice column:

I’ve been married for five years. To the same woman. I’ve wanted to divorce her at times. She’s wanted to divorce me at times. But one great thing about marriage, when it’s entered by regular folks, in good faith, is that it’s hard to exit. It costs money. You have to talk to lawyers during business hours except whoops—you have a job that you need to earn money to buy food and pants—so when are you going to both take the time to do that? By the time you’d have gotten around to it, you’ve forgiven each other and maybe even reached a new appreciation for each other as you worked through whatever seemingly insurmountable problem made you hate each other for 20 minutes while you sat in your shitty car outside a CVS yelling at each other and crying.

There’s a lot more to it than that, but the paragraphs are long and I can only cherry-pick bits and pieces due to my crippling AD/HD. You should read the whole thing (and no, he’s not kidding).

Listen, it’s blatantly obvious that the wedding was a sham publicity stunt orchestrated so the Kardashian “brand” (ugh) could generate more revenue, and this handy little divorce is a big middle finger to common married folk who actually work hard to share their lives together. Kim Kardashian is the 1%, and Rob Delaney’s lawsuit is the Occupy Wall Street movement (minus the hippies).