Here’s what I wrote before yesterday’s “Dancing with the Stars” results show:

Chaz Bono was once again in last place, with Nancy Grace clomping along near the bottom as well. But I’d lay my money on Kristin Cavallari getting voted off. Ugh, did you see the way that bitch looked beautiful while dancing with skill and grace? The nerve!

Oh hey guess what happened.

Kristin Cavallari was as shocked and bummed as everyone else to be shown the door on Tuesday night’s elimination episode of Dancing with the Stars. The reality star, 24, scored high marks and praise from the judges in the first three weeks of the ABC smash — nabbing 24 out of 30 points (just 3 points shy of leader Ricki Lake) for her “Crazy in Love” samba with Mark Ballas on Monday’s show.

“I’m really sad,” Cavallari told Us Weekly after the elimination at Ubisoft ‘s launch of Just Dance 3 at The Beverly in West Hollywood. She mused that, perhaps, viewer votes had little do with her actual dancing skills. “It is what it is,” she told Us. “That’s the thing with Dancing with the Stars, you never know,” she said, laughing. “It’s clearly not a dance competition!”

Nicely done, sexually frustrated housewives who let their bodies go after having kids. Way to stick it to the Italian model and beautiful young reality star. They should change the name of the show from “Dancing with the Stars” to “Shame Vendettas.” If I were Hope Solo or Chynna Phillips, I’d skip dance rehearsal this week and just eat cake. Just put on as many pounds as possible.

Watch out, America: “Dancing with the Stars” just got c*nty. The new cast for Season 13 of ABC’s reality hit has been released, and the judgmental bitch whose venom made Casey Anthony a sympathetic case is one of the contestants. I’m sure people will tune in just to see what it looks like when Grace tries to twist her anger hole into a smile.

The rest of the cast is intriguing as well:

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There’s terrible news for vapid dipsh*ts and moronic young girls today, as PopWatch has learned of the cancellation of MTV’s “The Hills” following the coming season.

After six seasons of sex-tape rumors, Les Deux drama, and couture-filled trips to Paris, MTV and the producers of The Hills have decided it’s time for the sun to set on the reality phenom. “I think we’ve told the story of struggle and of finding yourself in L.A.,” creator Adam DiVello tells EW…

In the final 12 episodes set to begin airing on April 27 at 10 p.m. ET, fans can expect to see Audrina Patridge dating singer Ryan Cabrera and Kristin Cavallari dealing with rumors of drug abuse… Also look for Stephanie Pratt to be dealing with sobriety, coming off her DUI last year.

The fact that “The Hills” succeeded at all is an astounding testament to the way that slick editing and pop music can transfix simple minds. In a city filled with gorgeous people and aspiring actors, MTV took a bunch of barely attractive simpletons and made them improv their way through scripts so dull that characters chewing food often became a plot point. Everyone involved with this show needs to be bulldozed into a landfill.

Since MTV’s malodorous decision to continue “The Hills” with Kristin Cavallari in Lauren Conrad’s place (or should I say, “malodorous decision to continue the show at all”), I’m delighted to see that ratings for “The Hills” have declined by 33%.

“We don’t need [Lauren]. We’ll miss her. I just don’t know if we need her,” Heidi [Montag/Pratt] previously told MTV News… [But] According to Media Life Magazine, the audience for the September 29 season premiere… was down 30 percent compared to the prior season’s debut..

The Season 5, Part 2 premiere netted just 2.36 million total viewers and three weeks later the number of people tuning in had slipped even further to 1.72 million. And among 18-34-year-olds, current episodes are getting less than half of the 2.3 million fans that tuned in each weak two seasons ago. [Access Hollywood]

Oohhhhh, that’s delicious. Fail, fail, fail! Satisfy my lust for your failure!

Listen, my dislike “The Hills” is well-informed. My last girlfriend would make me watch it, and then yell at me about how bad it was. “Oh my God, this is so fake!” she’d say, angry at the horrendous excuse for dialogue. DAMMIT WOMAN, THEN WHY THE HELL ARE WE WATCHING?

But I did learn this much during those brutally slow half-hours: Lauren Conrad was the only person on that show with an ounce of sincerity trapped somewhere inside her, and she lacked the reptilian quality of the rest of the cast. She’s probably the only person from that show who shouldn’t be thrown off a rocky cliff into a giant pit of bear traps. And maybe Audrina. I’d spare Audrina if I could chain her to my radiator.

In one of the more brazen loads of horse feces you’ll read this week, Kristin Cavallari compared MTV’s polished turd “The Hills” to Larry David’s edgy HBO comedy series “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” (Kanye West is just here for the facepalm.)

The ["Hills"] producers write to [Cavallari] with the storylines they have in mind. She shows up to the pre-selected locations for the episodes, which are shot Wednesday through Friday each week. And then she improvises, often going for the jugular on hot-button issues she knows will stir up controversy.

“They tell us what to talk about,” she said, shrugging. “Listen, I have fun with it. They film ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ the same way.” [Show Tracker]

Sighhhhhh…

Yup, that’s right: we’ve got no shortage of facepalms today, kids. Because that rigorous three-days-a-week work schedule pays Cavallari $90,000 an episode. Thirty thousand dollars a day to wear makeup, go to a restaurant, and chew through awkward silences. I sure hope the editors can find the right Jason Mraz song to play over that.