Finally, an Excuse to Say “Toddlers” and “Meat Bikini” In the Same Sentence

01.05.12 Written by Josh

I’m probably going to Hell for that headline, but I’ll see Laci’s Mom, who does not have it going on, there. On last night’s “Toddlers & Tiaras,” the only show brave enough to let parents live vicariously through their underage daughters, eight-year-old Laci was forced to dress up as Lady Gaga by her mother; she even arrived on stage in an egg. Honestly, when she “spilled” out if it, you could say I got a little yolked up. *Dodges unripe tomatoes*

She was also supposed to wear a meat dress, until tragedy struck:

“[When] we realized we were already late and realized we weren’t going to have enough time for the meat bikini, it was really devestating [sic],” said her mother. Laci might have disagreed with that, though, as she was none too pleased when they were attempting to attach the meat to her swimsuit.

“Ah, it touched my leg!” she shrieked at one point, and at another she kept repeating, “It just dripped on me!” (Huffington Post)

In five years, when Buzzfeed has become more powerful than Google, they’re going to run an article titled “Where Are They Now? Toddlers & Tiaras Edition,” and I really don’t want to read that Laci was killed in a drug deal gone wrong after needing a pick-me-up because her mother forced her to sing “Polka Face” for 17 straight hours outside of the local Arby’s. Won’t somebody think of the children, indeed.

Read the rest of this entry »

17 Comments TAGS: , ,

Dammit, Timberlake.

05.23.11 Written by Matt

Justin Timberlake hosted the season finale of “Saturday Night Live” this weekend, and I thought it was the best episode of the year even though I woke up at 6:15 a.m. Pacific time this morning to groggily watch it on Hulu. In fact, I’m still mostly asleep, so let’s just get right to the slideshow and review the best skits.

Read the rest of this entry »

38 Comments TAGS: , , , ,

Lady Gaga Wore Dildo Heels on ‘Idol’

05.12.11 Written by Matt

On last night’s “American Idol,” Lady Gaga wore a pair of $4500 shoes with lucite heels shaped like penises (close-up pictures below). TMZ is reporting that Fox censored the heels with the “American Idol” logo, but TMZ is run by barely literate retards with no common sense.

When Gaga appeared on the show, producers smacked an “Idol” logo over her sexually explicit stilettos because they each had a Lucite penis for a heel. [TMZ]

Then TMZ put an arrow on the banner image pointing to the heel that very clearly is not being censored. In fact, in the video below, you’ll see that the “Idol” logo just stays there on the bottom left side of the screen for the entire time. It’s a complete accident that the logo covers one of Gaga’s dildo heels.

Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be that stupid. I imagine it’s a neverending string of drinking expired milk and getting hit by cars and pushing doors that need to be pulled open.

Read the rest of this entry »

23 Comments TAGS: , , , ,

What’s on Tonight: Gaga on ‘Idol’

05.11.11 Written by Matt

American Idol (Fox) — The last time Lady Gaga appeared on “Idol,” she performed “Alejandro.” This time around, she serves as mentor to the final four contestants as they sing… the songbook of Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller? Two guys who were born in the 1930s and wrote hit songs in the 1950s? Screw you, Fox.

Modern Family (ABC) — Nothing from its second season made our list of the best episodes of the 2010-11, but that doesn’t mean “Modern Family” isn’t still excellent. It’s just reliably solid every week, consistently clearing a comedic bar that most sitcoms only achieve on their best days.

South Park (Comedy Central) — Trey Parker and Matt Stone tackle the royal wedding. Should be a good one.

Extreme Couponing (TLC) — Coupon clipper Amber’s shopping trip hits a snag when the babysitter cancels, forcing her to bring her four children to the grocery store. Over/under on the number of dirty looks she gets from other shoppers: 300 million. (Watch a preview clip here.)

NBA Playoffs (TNT) — A pair of Game 5s: Celtics-Heat followed by Grizzlies-Thunder. I got roped into that triple-OT Game 4 the other night and didn’t get to bed until after 1:30 a.m. Stupid Russell Westbrook.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Attractive people alert! Jon Hamm and Miranda Kerr are Conan’s guests tonight. Less so on Letterman, who has Chaz Bono. Also on the docket: Dick Van Dyke on Leno (holy sh*t, his audience is ancient); Chris O’Donnell on Kimmel; Tim Meadows on Ferguson; Keith Richards and Paul Bettany on Fallon; and Albert Brooks on “The Daily Show.”

13 Comments TAGS: , , ,

Weekend Preview: ‘The Day We Died’

05.06.11 Written by Matt

Fringe (Fox, Friday) — Season finale. Tonight’s episode is titled “The Day We Died,” and the “Fringe” fan community is so excited that they’ve been been breathing into paper bags all day. I posted the creepy trailer for the finale earlier this week; you can watch another two-minute clip on the next page.

Saturday Night Live (NBC) — Tina Fey hosts, with musical guest Ellie Goulding. Once again, I have no idea who the musical guest is, but she apparently played at the royal wedding, so I’m guessing she’s British. Not like it matters: I’m just going to fast forward through her numbers when I watch this on Sunday morning. (Watch Fey’s promos with Kristen Wiig on the next page.)

The Amazing Race (CBS, Sunday) — Season finale. Few things give me greater pleasure than my complete and total ignorance of all things CBS. I relish that blind spot.

CSI: Miami (CBS, Sunday) — Season finale. Once more, with feeling.

Lady Gaga Presents the Monster Ball Tour: At Madison Square Garden (HBO) — Dancing, makeup, and outlandish costumes. Not really my thing, but I can’t fault anyone for getting down to “Poker Face.” Below the SNL video on the next page, you can see a preview clip of Gaga blubbering about her hard life and enemies and blah blah blah. It was really stupid so I added a nice GIF of her air-humping below that.

Read the rest of this entry »

11 Comments TAGS: , , , , ,

[avatar]
Welcome to Warming Glow.
| Register
Follow Us