So, the thing about TV news that breaks after 2 p.m. on a Friday: you’ll probably have to wait until Monday to read our reaction to it, even when it’s about “Community.” It’s a scheduling thing blah blah blah. So, to apologize for our tardiness, we’ve sorted through all the hundreds of masturbatory quotes and inane talking points from this year’s Television Critics Association (Fox and NBC so far, everything else forthcoming) to give you only the tidbits that matter. Also, to sweeten the deal, there’s a reactionary GIF for every item.

Also, quite possibly the least funny show on TV was canceled, so yay!

Read the rest of this entry »

Not as sexy as I imagined.

All things considered, the older members of my family have pretty decent TV-watching habits. My mom can quote “The Simpsons” with the best of them. My uncle has seen every episode “The Wire” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm” and he’s currently catching up on “Doctor Who,” while my aunt loves “Parenthood.” But when I extend the family to include second cousins and aunts-by-marriage and grandparents, things take a turn for the worse, especially during Thanksgiving. That’s when we’re all at a table for a long time, and when the “how are you doing?” conversations run dry, talk often turns to TV — more specifically, to “Two and a Half Men,” “NCIS,” and “Blue Bloods,” and how the Professor Professorson episode of “Community” is the “least funny thing” they’ve ever seen. I already dread the inevitable “2 Broke Girls” banter.

What awful shows does your family talk about during Turkey Day? Do you keep your mouth shut when they discuss “Two and a Half Men”? Or do you tell them that the only half-man worth caring about is Tyrion Lannister on “Game of Thrones”? Dare you defend the honor of good TV? What’s the worst show you’ve ever heard your mother-in-law defend? Thanksgiving might be the only day you’re going to see your entire family until next year’s holidays — why not tell them that “Law & Order: SVU” isn’t nearly as good as they think it is?

There’s an absence of interesting TV news today, and I absolutely refuse to write about the Comic-Con schedule (OMG! “Doctor Who” is in Hall H! *fart noise*), so instead I’m sharing the “Law & Order: SVU” drinking game that’s currently burning up Tumblr. It’s an excellent drinking game in that it’s simple and straightforward, but my preliminary math shows that it will only produce a gentle buzz, and not the roaring blackout drunkenness that might inspire someone to smash up the Ed Sullivan Theater. I recommend tripling the dosage.

Chris Meloni will not return to “Law & Order: SVU” this fall. Contract negotiations broke down between NBC and Meloni just a week after NBC chief Robert Greenblatt announced that a deal was “nearly done.”

The Emmy-nominated actor, who has co-starred opposite Mariska Hargitay since the show’s inception in 1999, will not return for the show’s 13th season…

At his upfront presentation for advertisers in New York, Greenblatt added that the network had plans to “reset the tone” of the series. With new showrunner Warren Leight replacing Neal Baer this fall, the stories would “still be compelling but a little more grounded,” he said. [THR]

It just doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s not like Meloni’s such a star that he’ll make more money doing movies. I think staying on NBC would have been the “Stabler” career move. *bowtie spins* Thanks, folks. Tip your waitress.

Recently, DirecTV began airing episodes of “Damages” with subtitles that help explain background information viewers might not know if they missed previous episodes of the complex legal drama.

The on-screen subtitles function as a primer of sorts, appearing every few minutes to flesh out a twisty plot turn or reveal a character’s sinister motives…

“It’s a way to say to viewers, ‘It’s not too late to get involved in this show,’” said Paul Guyardo, DirecTV’s chief marketing officer. “And it might keep new viewers from throwing in the towel if they can watch episodes that give them extra background and context.” [LA Times]

As cable networks and scripted series fight harder to retain viewers, it’s likely that these expository subtitles will become widely available across all cable platforms. In a Warming Glow EXCLUSIVE, the following pages reveal how those subtitles will look for some of TV’s most popular shows.

Read the rest of this entry »