I abhor making lists, especially ones that arbitrarily rank one thing as better than another. So the criteria I used for this list were: which women on TV did Warming Glow obsess the most over in 2009? Naturally I ended up favoring actresses who were not only beautiful, but also talented, intelligent, and in shows that are well made. Or super-slutty. Whatever.

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GQ named Leighton Meester “Obsession of the Year” for its December issue, and I don’t know if that award comes with a trophy or a restraining order, but the important thing about it is that it justified a lingerieffic photo shoot by Mark Abrahams. There’s an article about her too, with all sorts of words and sentences and whatnot, but half of it is GQ saying of course they don’t watch “Gossip Girl,” ha ha, nosirree, nothing but football and beer for GQ, they’re a bunch of men’s men — say, is that cashmere?

Photos: Mark Abrahams/GQ. First two thumbnails are high-resolution; for full size, click through, then right-click and go to “view image.”

Gossip Girl (CW) — I still can’t care any less about this show, but I sure do like looking at Blake Lively and Leighton Meester. Apparently Meester’s new single debuts during tonight’s episode, and I was going to link to the YouTube video of it because she looks damn sexy, but then it got pulled for copyright infringement. Then I was going to link to the song only, but it sounds terrible and I respect you too much to do that. (full version of banner pic here)

Lopez Tonight (TBS) — Series premiere. Can it be a finale as well? Because that would be nice.

CSI: Miami (CBS) — Tonight marks the beginning of CSI’s three-part crossover this week. I guess I could make a “threesome” pun and put some shades on, but I don’t want to get too predictable.

House (Fox) — If the promos are to be believed, House shows up to an ’80s party dressed as a character from the 181780s. How embarrassing! How embarrassing that I essentially told that joke three years ago on With Leather, that is.

Two and a Half Men (CBS) — The kid who plays the half-man is now 16 and planning to go to college, and I saw in some article he’s not even sure he wants to be an actor. Sounds about right. He has a long, full life of taxidermy and sex crimes ahead of him.

Monday Night Football (ESPN) — Steelers-Broncos. Blech, two of my least-favorite teams. Which is to say: my least-favorite team and a team I didn’t want to be good this season. I’ll be getting drunk at the live-blog at KSK; please do stop by and leave some funny comments.

Hey buddy, you mind? I’m tryin’ to watch something that matters.

The Emmys were last night, and unless you’ve got an iron will and the patience of Job, it’s unlikely you watched the entire telecast.

So here’s the entire night: “30 Rock” and “Mad Men” won for best comedy and drama, respectively; the pleasant surprises were Kristen Chenoweth for supporting actress in “Pushing Daisies” and Michael Emerson for supporting actor in “Lost”; and the most unpleasant surprises were Jon Cryer winning  best supporting actor in a comedy for “Two and a Half Men” and the criminal snub of “Generation Kill” for best miniseries, which went to “Little Dorritt.” There you go. That’s everything that’s worth talking about if you want to pretend that the Emmys have half the import of the Oscars.

More importantly, following a night where all of my TV crushes were assembled in one place, I’d like to petition the government to make Blake Lively’s breasts a national monument of some sort. I know I’ve said this before, but they are SPECTACULAR. And I don’t mean that in any kind of chauvinist or demeaning way: they’re just a natural beauty crafted by God, like Devil’s Tower or the Badlands or the falls at Yosemite. You should be able to pay $15 to elbow some German tourists out of the way and get a good look at them. I wanna go camping there.

(live blog here, more on the winners here, excellent column on the awards here)

A while back I posted a 30-second clip of Cobra Starship and Leighton Meester singing “Tonight” from West Side Story with the lyrics adapted to promote MTV’s Video Music Awards — yup, they still give out awards for stuff they no longer air on TV.  Well, thank your lucky stars if you like pop stars and Broadway, because that was only a glimpse at the full promotional video: this one lasts three and a half minutes and features not only Cobra Starship and Meester but also Ne-Yo, Katy Perry, host Russell Brand, and Taylor Swift.

I’ll grudgingly admit that I don’t entirely hate this video, but I do hope they go all the way with the West Side story line.  Ne-Yo and Russell Brand can get stabbed to death, Taylor Swift can commit suicide, and Cobra Starship can rape Katy Perry.  Everybody wins.  Well, except the people dying and getting raped.

[via the Daily Mail, which says, "the performers each hang out in iconic New York locations - an alley, a subway station, a rooftop garden, the back of a cab." Oh yes. The iconic New York City alley. Recognizable at a glance, like the Brooklyn Bridge or Chrysler Building.]