A Lesbian Kiss Goodbye for ‘Charlie’s Angels’

10.14.11 Written by Matt

“Charlie’s Angels” has performed so poorly for ABC that the show has already gone for the 21st century version of jumping the shark: the lesbian kiss. Just yesterday, Minka Kelly and Rachael Taylor kissed on set, but to no avail — today ABC has shut down production on the series.

A network representative says the show will continue to air on Thursdays, filling the 8 p.m. slot with an unknown number of episodes (four of the show’s eight shot episodes have aired). Last night’s hour showed some ratings growth for the first time, climbing a tenth of a point to 6 million viewers and a 1.3 adults 18-49 rating. But it wasn’t enough to reverse the show’s fate.

Well, yeah. Of course the remaining episodes are going to air. You don’t film Minka Kelly kissing a chick and then NOT air it. That wouldn’t be just bad business, it’s totally not cool, bro.

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Paz Being Paz Again

06.28.11 Written by Matt

Things don’t feel quite right in the universe unless “Boardwalk Empire” actress Paz de la Huerta is pissing people off while her breasts desperately try to free themselves from her clothing, and I’m happy to report that everything is totally normal. De la Huerta attended a party at New York’s annoyingly chic Bowery Hotel last Thursday, where she — yep — pissed people off with her tits hanging out. The yoozh.

Showing up in a barely-there black slip dress, the actress kept having to adjust the thin straps or risk having a wardrobe malfunction (or two).

After spending time with some pals at the bar, the actress discovered that a nearby room had been set up with a couch and a huge frame to do photo shoots for guests. De la Huerta cut the long line of guests waiting to have their pictures snapped, grabbed a tiara and scepter from the props and proceeded to spread out on the couch where the pictures were being taken.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” she snapped at the photographer, who offered suggestions to the star.

She quickly overstayed her welcome on the couch, however, grinding and rolling around while making faces and adjusting her hemline as a crowd gathered. The actress then pulled a girlfriend to the couch for a steamy girl-on-girl kiss, refusing to leave when lined-up guests began to get irritated.

Then as suddenly as she had appeared, she’d had enough and two pals helped her off stage with her dress strap hanging down. [E!; image via]

I can’t read about Paz’s unhinged nightlife (hello, assault charges) without seeing her in a Dungeons & Dragons alignment matrix. Paz de la Huerta is Chaotic Evil: wholly self-serving, in constant need of attention, prone to fits of rage, usually braless, and perpetually 30 seconds away from having sex in public. She’s a supervirus, a penicillin-resistant version of every horrible girlfriend you’ve stayed with for the mind-blowing sex. And I love her for it.

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Alison Brie: Annie Might Go Lesbian

05.04.11 Written by Matt

It’s important to remember that showrunners and writers — not actors — determine the plots of TV shows, so it would be foolish to get excited about an attractive actress speculating about the direction of her character, particularly if it was some idle fanboy-baiting chatter about girls kissing. That said, HEY EVERYBODY! Alison Brie says Annie might hook up with women on “Community”!!!!! AWOOOGA! AWOOGA!

“With Annie, to be honest, I could see her getting with a girl,” [Brie] told [Alyssa Rosenberg], emphasizing that “It seems like it would be out of character for her, but I just like to go back to the fact that she’s young and impressionable and still figuring out who she is and what she wants to. It’s one of her best qualities that though she seems uptight, she’ll try everything… The point of the show is comedy. We’re not trying to take a stand about any of those things. It’s a possibility that more gay stuff could creep in.” [Yglesias]

Okay, okay, settle down everybody. It’s fun to get excited about the idea of Alison Brie tenderly making out with another woman, exploring her body tentatively at first, then gradually with more passion, curves pressed against each other as buttons come undone and bras get unhooked… (*takes cold shower*) But like Alison said, the point of the show is COMEDY. And that’s why I think nothing would be funnier than a bikini car wash episode. Maybe the proceeds can go to next year’s puppy parade.

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‘Glee’ Somehow Got Even Gayer

03.16.11 Written by Matt

Not only did “Glee” debut its first two original songs on last night’s episode, it finally showed a kiss between Kurt (Chris Colfer) and Blaine (Darren Criss). It’s not the first gay kiss on the show, but it certainly was the most sensual, am I right fellas?

After months of hints and winks, fans of FOX’s hit musical finally got what they’ve been waiting for: The characters of Kurt and Blaine kissed for the first time. And it wasn’t a peck. It also wasn’t overtly sexual or desperate, it wasn’t rushed or clouded with turmoil, and it certainly wasn’t played for laughs, the way many kisses between men are on TV. It was perfect.

“It’s hard to overstate the significance of the kiss between Kurt and Blaine on ‘Glee’ last night,” [said] Michael Jensen, editor of Logo’s AfterElton.com. “Even better, it wasn’t the sort of kiss we saw back in the 1990s where the guys pecked each other on the lips — or worse, the camera cutaway — but this was a real kiss that hinted there is much more to come in this relationship. If we still needed proof how far gay characters have come on network TV, ‘Glee’ just gave it to us.” [PopEater]

They must mean gay male characters, because lesbian characters have always been awesome. Especially when the lesbian characters are really pretty femmes played by straight actresses, because they make such good role models for confused young women.

Come, join me for a trip back in time to 2005, when the second season of “The O.C.” featured Olivia Wilde as Alex, a minx who seduced Marissa (Mischa Barton) into a realm of sapphic pleasure. I show you these pictures solely in the interest of promoting tolerance and gay rights.

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By Popular Demand…

02.11.11 Written by Matt

Last night’s Valentine’s Day episode of “Community” featured several gay overtones: Britta’s confusion about her pseudo-lesbian friend Paige, the growing bro-love between Troy and Abed, and an appearance by Andy Dick. But the highlight — both sexually and comedically — was the almost-kiss between Britta (Gillian Jacobs) and Annie (our beloved Alison Brie). Dammit, why does Britta always have to be such a buzzkill?

I encourage you all to file this animated GIF of the scene alongside the earlier still photo of Jacobs and Brie almost kissing in the Internet Warehouse of Sexy Alison Brie GIFs. Man, I sure wish the Warehouse of Sexy Alison Brie GIFs was a real place where I could go on vacation. Or move to and live permanently.

(GIF by bohemea, who also made a GIF series of Annie’s sex scene from the Dungeons & Dragons episode)

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