These last couple days, I’ve been doing everything I can to not think about how all the money I’ve saved has evaporated with the stock market plummeting. Thankfully, Barney Frank took a break from talking about the economy to fart on live television. It’s the small pleasures that get us through life.

[NY Mag via Gawker]

You wanna know what I like better than local news bloopers on live TV? Local news bloopers on live TV… WITH JETPACKS!!! The clip below is short and excellent: a be-jetpacked man named John is supposed to introduce Fox 5′s “Hello San Diego,” but instead he loses control, bumps into reporter Matt Johnson, and crashes into the water. It’s sublime. *kisses fingers*

By the way, in case you want to see one of these water-powered jetpacks working properly, here’s one flying around set to theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey. But I think I prefer the crash video. No, I definitely prefer the crash video. The world needs more videos of jetpack crashes.

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In most cases, old people are useless. They’re grumpy and they smell weird and they move slowly and they’re confused by anything made after 1980. They’re using up our precious resources without contributing to society, and we should really look into using them as an alternate energy source. (Seriously, in twenty years, my statements will be taken seriously and I’ll be seen as a visionary.)

The rare exception is the old person who simply does not give a fck. These are the old people I admire, and the man in this video is one such maverick. He simply rolls up on a live TV interview and starts making animal noises. And then, having made his point, he walks off like a total boss. That’s the kind of old man I want to be: drinking at 10 a.m., wandering around the streets and meowing at people. Assuming I don’t get burned for fuel first.

[via BuzzFeed]

Pictured here is the moment during last night’s “Dancing with the Stars” when Maksim Chmerkovskiy’s leg buckled under the weight of Kirstie Alley, causing both of them to fall to the floor (see video below). When Maks stood back up, he grimaced in pain and needed a couple more seconds to recover before gritting his teeth through the rest of the dance. Make no mistake: this was an absolute disaster. Anyone in any other dance competition in the world would automatically lose for a screw-up like this, but instead people are air-brushing this because… I don’t know. Because Kirstie Alley is fat? That’s my best guess.

It may not have looked like a massive tumble [Ed. Note: It looked like a massive tumble] , but Maksim Chmerkovskiy clearly injured something rather painfully toward the beginning of his Rumba with Kirstie Alley on ’Dancing with the Stars’ this week. According to Chmerkovskiy, his “thigh just gave out.” [...]

The judges were very supportive of what happened, and more significantly, their recovery. “Despite the fact you had a little mess up at the beginning, something magical happened after that,” Carrie Ann Inaba said of their performance. [TV Squad]

Each of the three judges gave Maks and Alley 7 out of ten, which really only proves that three out of three “DWTS” judges are yellow-bellied, lily-livered cowards of the most craven order.

And before you go feeling sorry for Maks, he spent all of last season nailing his partner Erin Andrews at the absolute peak of her hotness. If the “DWTS” producers want to restore balance to the cosmos, they’ll partner him with nothing but 60-year-old, 220-pound Scientologists for the rest of his career.

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Live television is one of the Internet’s most precious resources, because human error so often works its way into the spotlight. In this video, the station cuts away from “Good Morning America” to provide live coverage of a bridge implosion scheduled for 7:00 a.m. But it doesn’t implode, so they banter while the camera stays fixed on the bridge. Then they kill some more time, then some more, and then a little more before finally cutting away to the weatherman and then AW DAMMIT!

It really is amazing the way they manage to screw it up. I guess the show’s producers can put “picture-in-picture technology” on their Christmas wish list.

[Today's Big Thing]