Liza Minnelli was a guest on Larry king earlier this week, which had to be the oldest hour of television since “Matlock” went off the air. And this video of highlights (made by Rich at fourfour) captures all the charm of an old lady on what must be a fantastic array of prescription medication. I especially enjoyed this quote:

I was born… in the land of dreams.

I get the feeling that she wasn’t being poetic or metaphorical. She probably just watched Inception earlier that week.

Anyway, it’s a fun set of clips that makes Andy Rooney look coherent and analytical. Oh man, now THAT is a TV show I’d watch: a Larry King-Liza Minnelli-Andy Rooney roundtable. I would pay money to watch movie stars come on that show and wear a pained smile while they tried to plug their movies during a sidebar about figs.

Katy Perry's future

I know Lifetime landed a ratings coup with the upcoming season of “Project Runway,” but everything else about the channel is so immensely depressing that I get suicidal just thinking about the kind of people its programming appeals to.   To wit: Liza Minelli and Delta Burke have been cast as guest stars in an upcoming episode of “Drop Dead Diva.”  Get ready for sad faces:

Minnelli plays a psychic who takes her sister (Burke) to court after she opens a competing psychic shop directly across the street from her store. Their episode also features an encore appearance by Rosie O’Donnell as a judge…

Drop Dead Diva… tells the story of a vapid model who dies in a sudden accident only to be reborn in the body of a brilliant, plus-size attorney (Brooke Elliott). [EW]

That’s right, fatties.  You were all once supermodels in a previous life.  And so were your fat heroes.  Now break open another pint of Haagen-Dazs, let your cats get comfortable in your oversized lap, and stay tuned to Lifetime for “Summer’s Hottest Muumuus”!