On the set of Amanda Seyfried's 'Black Hole Sun' remake

In his post-Oscars show, Jimmy Kimmel aired an informercial spoof for “humpilates,” which was painfully unfunny but notable because it featured actresses like Scarlett Johansson, Minka Kelly, Emily Blunt, and Jessicas Biel and Alba. For last night’s show, Kimmel rolled out a sequel for the diet to go with humpilates (video below). It’s somehow even less funny than the humpilates sketch, yet once again I watched the entire thing because it’s a non-stop stream of attractive actresses and models: January Jones, Rebecca Romijn, Anna Faris, Amanda Seyfried, Kerry Washington, Zoe Saldana, Kristen Bell, Heidi Klum, Marisa Miller, Erin Andrews, plus several of the women from the first sketch. Scarlett and Jessica Biel both have lines that almost made me chuckle, but not even an appearance from the great Neil Patrick Harris can salvage a real laugh from this. Woof.

I get it, Jimmy: you know more beautiful actresses I do. But if you’re going to parade them around on your show, can you at least do me the favor of getting out of the picture?

Read the rest of this entry »

Weather permitting, I’m off to Dallas to bother famous people and make videos with Captain Morgan and Marisa Miller. I’ll be checking in as much as possible, but in the meantime the fantastic Brandon Stroud will be delivering your TV news. Play nice with him.

CAPTAIN MORGAN IS YOUR NEW GOD. The Cap’n will be tweeting on the With Leather Twitter feed and in general be all up in the Uproxx business for the next 3-4 days. I’ll do everything in my power to make it enjoyable for you. [With Leather]

Praise the Lord! Oregon Trail is coming to Facebook. [Gamma Squad, image via dernwerks]

Baby sloths vs. classic literature: WHO YA GOT? Baby sloths all day, every day. [UPROXX]

‘A bloody mess of idiocy.’ NBC’s “The Cape is the stupidest best show on TV. [UPROXX]

Surprise, surprise. Strangely enough, the crazy ratings and buzz generated by Ricky Gervais has led the Golden Globes to ask him to host again. Go figure. [FilmDrunk]

Buster in the model home with the hook hand! The ”Arrested Development” Clue game. [Pleated Jeans]

Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s the full-length Victoria’s Secret ad that Michael Bay directed. It’s been on a bunch of other websites recently (including FilmDrunk), but I’d hate for something that features supermodels, lingerie, and explosions to get excluded from Warming Glow’s historical record. Supermodels, lingerie, and explosions is why I got into writing in the first place. Writing, and also masturbating.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (CBS) — I’m conflicted here. While the Victoria’s Secret Angels are obviously some of the sexiest women on the planet, the VS fashion show has gotten away from what lingerie is all about. Listen, I don’t need my idealized sex fantasies to have giant wings or halos or capes or balloon animals tied to their asses. Let’s stick with sheer mesh bras and crotchless thongs, okay?

Sons of Anarchy (FX) — Season 2 finale. My raving about this show is excessive and well-documented, and I understand if you’re tired of me talking about it. But don’t blame me, I’m just a SAMCRO apostle trying to spread TV gospel.

Scrubs (ABC) — Season 9 premiere. The series has been completely overhauled and is transitioning in a new class of young doctors. Full review here. I’m gonna pass.

The Bad Girls Club (Oxygen) — Season premiere. I’m happy to say that I don’t know where to even begin looking for Oxygen on my DVR, but the clips of this show that make it on “The Soup” are enough to tell me that I don’t need to bother.

The Hills (MTV) — Season finale. Idiots in fake scenarios stare at each other.

(Bonus pictures of Marisa Miller in the $3M bra right HIAH)

There’s nothing on tonight that I really wanted to feature up top, and I didn’t get around to writing about Marisa Miller’s appearance on last night’s episode of “The Tonight Show” (watch: part 1, part 2), so here you go. Marisa Miller. That should get us through to tomorrow. (Yes, there will be a couple new posts both tomorrow and Friday, so please keep coming back.)

Gary Unmarried (CBS) — Well, well, well… Look who’s guest starring: supermodel Marisa Miller. Guess my banner image is related after all. Too bad I wouldn’t watch this unless all the Victoria’s Secret models got naked and made out, and even then I’d probably think twice if Jay Mohr were in any way involved.

The Biggest Loser (NBC) — It’s gotta be so nice to be fat at Thanksgiving. Us regular folk actually gain noticeable weight over the holidays, but fat people have it made. What’s a few more gallons in the ocean?

Glee (Fox) — I think this is the last episode before the show goes on a four-month hiatus, also known as a “hi-gay-tus.” Rapper Eve guest stars.

College Basketball (ESPN 2) — UConn vs. LSU and Arizona State vs. Duke. You’d be hard-pressed to find two American colleges more different than ASU and Duke. At least in terms of my feelings for them. And my feelings are the gold standard, I think.

Modern Family (ABC) — Cameron dresses up as a clown for Luke’s birthday. Oh man, a fat gay clown? That’s either comedic gold or a serial murderer.